


Home is Where the Heart is

by Fanbabs



Series: The Road Less Traveled [2]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Returning Home
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-05-05 06:19:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 22
Words: 48,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14611416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanbabs/pseuds/Fanbabs
Summary: Mickey Milkovich just got out of prison/returned from Mexico.Set 4 years after season 7.This is his story of how he built his life again and how he found his way back to Ian.





	1. Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I just had to get this story out of my head before I finish the Maty chapters. I'll try to wrap up the Maty chapters soon or write those two fics simultaneously I dunno yet... depends on which one bugs me more at the moment.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it :)

Mickey was walking the streets of Chicago. By now, he was used to being alone but on some days the task of being alone was excruciating. The whole reason he came back to this shithole, was not to feel so lonely anymore. Although sometimes he genuinely enjoyed being by himself. Especially, after being released from prison only a couple of days ago. No one was all over his shit anymore. No more cellie, no more wardens, no other inmates that tried to push him over the edge. Sure, he hadn’t been alone in there but he had been lonely. He had been lonely since he crossed the Mexican border. Since Ian… Nevermind.

Today was one of those days, he tried to get his shit together and flee from the shitty motel he was staying in, until he could find an apartment, he could afford. Going back to the Milkovich house had not been an option for him. Still wasn’t. He preferred the motel, although it was disgusting and the people were disgusting and the beds were disgusting and just everything was disgusting. The Milkovich house just had that scent of scorched earth for him. If he returned, he would fall back into old patterns, going nowhere in life. And he wanted to be something better now. 

At the very least for his son. Yesterday, he had finally been able to reach Svetlana. She was living in North Side now, married to some old rich fuck. Mickey didn’t care about the guy as long as he didn’t fuck up his kid. Then again, he didn’t have much say anymore in all this, since he had been in prison or out of the country for the greater part of Yevgeny’s life. He was seven already. Svetlana had sent him some photos and he was growing big. He stopped caring, if he really was the biological father, a while ago. He couldn’t wait to see him, although their first meeting would probably be a little awkward, considering the fact that his son didn’t know him. Yet, he wanted to try and get to know his son. Svetlana had agreed on meeting him next weekend and she was willing to give him visitation rights, when he had a steady job and an apartment.

His parole officer had set him up with a temporary job at a construction site. One of the shittiest jobs he had ever had. Often times he just felt like a mule, carrying shit around, up and down the fucking scaffold. His back hurt. His knees hurt. His whole fucking body felt like one giant bruise. He was exhausted and he needed a break… and maybe someone to spend the night with. At least that way he wouldn’t have to return to the shitty motel for a night.

He had looked up a couple of gay bars on his phone and decided for a small place that had fairly good ratings. He couldn’t stand places like the Fairytale or the White Swallow, partly because it reminded him of a certain redhead he used to date, but mostly because of the amount of pansies in those places. He just couldn’t stand them. And yes, the irony wasn’t lost to him. He knew he was a hypocrite for thinking like that but he just wanted guys to behave like guys. Period. 

He walked around the corner and was there, but there were mostly women inside. He looked through the big front window and saw a poster on the wall at the bar. Girl’s night… or rather dyke’s night. He sighed and was about to leave, when he overheard a couple arguing not too far from him. 

He turned to look at them. ‘She’ looked like a young boy. Like one of those boybands Micky hated. She had blackish-purple hair in straight strands and wore way to dark eye make-up. Her bottom lip was pierced and her skinny body was clothed in dark pants and a dark shirt. Where most women tried to complement their humps, she just tried to hide them.

The guy, on the other hand, was a lot taller than her and a lot taller than Mickey as well. He was obviously drunk and he was obviously not gay, because the minute Mickey had turned around to them, he had become handsy with her. “Get the fuck off of me you perv!”, the boyish looking woman yelled but the guy was unimpressed. Mickey usually didn’t care for these scenarios and he tried to keep his head down not to violate his parole, but something about, what the guy said next triggered him: “I’m gonna fuck the gay out of you!” 

That was enough for him to step in. He grabbed the guy by his jacket and threw him on the ground. Body height didn’t matter, when one knows what he’s doing and Mickey knew exactly what he was doing. He punched the guy in the face. Once. Twice. The third time broke his nose. He was bleeding all over his shirt and Mickey pulled him up again. He stumbled on his feet, still surprised by the sudden interruption and looked at Mickey with wide eyes. He pulled him close to his face. “You’ve had enough, asswipe?”, Mickey asked threateningly. The guy, in all his confusion, nodded. “Now, you’re going to apologize to that girl or I swear I’ll play pool with your fuckin’ balls and trust me I don’t play nice!” The guy gazed slowly at the woman behind Mickey. “S… Sorry!”, he stuttered. Mickey let go of him and the guy stumbled away quickly.

“Jesus fuck! Thanks man!”, the woman exclaimed and stretched out a hand to him, “I’m Cat!” He looked at her hand for a second and decided to shake hands with her. “Hey, can I buy you a drink? I know it’s Lady’s night and all but I’m here with my brother so… “, she said friendly. A brother and a free drink was better than nothing, so Mickey followed her back inside, to a small table in the back of the bar. 

A skinny young man with brown hair and eyes was sitting at the table and he seemed to be the only other man in the bar besides him. Cat’s brother looked a lot like his sister, except that his hair was short and not colored, he had no piercings that made him look like a teenager and thank god he had no make-up on. That could actually work. 

When Cat came towards him with Mickey, he looked at her quizzically. “Who’s that?”, he asked, eying Mickey surprised. “My hero!”, Cat answered dramatically, “Just kicked a guy’s ass outside, who wanted to ‘fuck the gay out of me’! Can you believe that shit?!” Her brother looked at her disbelievingly, then back to Mickey again. A warm smile spread on his face. “So I guess I have to be thankful my sister didn’t get raped!”, he chuckled and stretched a hand out to Mickey as well. He took it again, although his limit for handshakes was pretty much reached, but the guy was handsome. “I’m John!”, Cat’s brother said just as friendly as his sister, “What can I get ya?” 

“Beer.”, Mickey replied and John went to the bar and got their drinks. They all sat down at the table. “I didn’t catch your name!”, Cat said, while he took a sip of his beer. “Mickey.”, he replied concisely. “Mickey?”, she laughed, “Mickey as in… ?” “Mouse!”, he responded, taking another sip. They both looked at him confused until he smirked. “Alright then Mickey Mouse! What’s your deal?”, John asked still smiling, “Are you walking the lonely streets of Chicago in search for poor women, who need your help?” Mickey chuckled. “Nah, man I just… wanted to come here.”, he answered and hoped that John got the clue. 

“Too bad it’s Girl’s night, huh?”, he replied returning the chuckle. “Girl’s night!”, Cat repeated and raised her beer to say cheers. Mickey nodded sheepishly. “Well, at least I don’t have to be worried you’re hitting on my sister!”, John said and and clinked his beer with his sister’s. “Where you come from?”, Cat asked curiously. Mickey swallowed before he answered. “South Side.”, he replied and a broad smile stretched across Cat’s face. “So you’re a homeboy then!”, she remarked and turned to her brother, “You hear that Johnny? He’s from South Side, too!” John nodded and smiled at him friendly. “Poor fella!”, he laughed.

So far Mickey had not seen John check him out, so he wondered, if the guy was actually into him. Maybe he was just shy. Mickey nodded again, not really knowing what to say. How did you have a normal conversation with normal people? He didn’t know. He hadn’t talked to normal people in a long time and he was afraid he might say something stupid and scare that handsome guy and his bubbly sister away that reminded him so much of his own sister. “So does your family still live here?”, John asked to fill the silence. Mickey hesitated to answer because the answer to that question was a long story and that would definitely scare them away. “No, no family.”, he replied. Cat’s eyes suddenly grew wide. “I know what happened!”, she said excitedly and Mickey was suddenly afraid she knew about him. Maybe she had seen his face on television? Or maybe she knew his brothers or his dad… “I bet your parents are homophobic pricks!”, she continued and Mickey sighed with relieve. He started to laugh a little because ‘homophobic pricks’ was the understatement of the year. “My Dad is, yeah… My Mom, I don’t know she died when I was seven.”, he responded and tilted his head a little while speaking. “Sorry to hear that!”, John said sympathetically. Mickey stopped him with a wave of his hand. “Don’t be! Long time ago!”

“So did your father tried to put you in one of those conversion camps, too?”, Cat continued the interrogation. Mickey laughed again and finished his beer with a big gulp. “Nope!”, he replied, “Tried to kill me, by beating the shit out of me!” The siblings looked at him shocked. “You serious?”, John asked with raised eyebrows. Mickey nodded, feeling a little uncomfortable with the sudden concern about his well-being. “Were… um… Were you in such a camp?”, he asked Cat to turn the attention away from him. “I’m gettin’ another round! Beer again?”, John suddenly asked and jumped up his seat. Mickey nodded and looked back at Cat. She had a sheepish smile on her lips. “Guess, we’re finally at the great and glamorous coming-out story!”, she said dramatically. Mickey shrugged. He had only heard of those conversion camps but never actually met someone who had been in one. 

“Let me tell you what… since I have the feeling that my coming out story is as shitty and South Side as yours, I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours!”, she smirked. Mickey was actually interested to hear her story at that point. He hadn’t had that much fun since… hell since forever and the two weren’t easily scared. They were South Side, just like him. And he might even have a shot with John, so what did he have to lose? “Fine!”, he replied, “You first!” 

“Alright!”, she said pleased and John returned to the table with another round of beers. “So the day, I came out to my family was my fifteenth birthday and I wanted to bring home my girlfriend.”, she began her story, “Lizzy was in my class and we had fooled around a couple of times… So I bring her in front of my parents and tell them ‘Hey guys, this is my girlfriend!’ and then… all hell broke lose.” She laughed a little, but Mickey could clearly see the pain in her eyes. “Dad starts yelling, Mom starts crying, my girlfriend just ran off and my sweet Johnny boy here… ” she gestured at him, “just comes stumbling through the door high as a fuckin’ kite.” John started to turn red a little in shame. “And he just yells at our parents: ‘Of course she’s a fuckin’ dyke, she fuckin’ wears overalls and shit!’” By now they both laugh at the memory. “So that’s when Dad drags my ass to the fuckin’ conversion camp to get me straight… literally.” At that point of the story, Cat’s face suddenly grew dark, like she had seen some pretty messed up shit there. “What they basically do is, they tell you all day that you’re an abomination and that god wants you to be straight and he wants you to have a husband and a whole lotta fuckin’ kids and so on and so forth.” She takes a big gulp of her beer before she continues. “They mess with your brain so bad you just feel disgusting… drove some kids to slit their wrists there. It was crazy!” Mickey shook his head. “Fucked up!”, he remarked and she smiled at him. “Yeah that’s pretty fucked up!”, she chuckled, “So anyway, after a couple of weeks I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I snitched a phone from one of the guardians there and called the police, telling them that they raped little kids there and all that shit and they actually shut the fuckin’ place down! The second I was outta that camp I ran and by nobody’s fault really, I ended up in this shithole again.” She laughed at the last sentence and looked over at her brother, who returned the laugh.

Mickey had downed the second beer already and his head began to feel a little lighter. “Now you!”, Cat prompted him. He scratched the back of his head uncomfortably, not knowing where to start that shitty story. “Um… I came out in a bar.”, he began slowly. “Did you plan it?”, Cat asked. Mickey shook his head. “Nah, If it had been for me, I would have never come out!”, he replied. She laughed at him. “Then why did you?”, she continued to ask. Mickey sighed. “My boyfriend at the time was threatening to leave… “, he answered truthfully. “Wow that’s dramatic!”, she remarked with a chuckle. Mickey tilted his head again. “Yeah… I guess it was appropriate for… well, at the time.” He took a big gulp of his beer. “I just told the whole fuckin’ bar that I was gay, so he would stay and the second I closed my mouth my Dad was running towards me and suddenly we were all in a big bar brawl!” He laughed shyly, completely aware of how that whole thing sounded. To his relieve the siblings laughed with him. Luckily, they were people who laughed things off, instead of pitying each other for their shitty lives. “Great story!”, Cat pointed out, “Now excuse me I gotta go to the Lady’s room!” She stood up and made her way towards the other end of the bar. John looked at Mickey sheepishly. That was his chance. Cat wasn’t here, so he could finally get to something with her brother.

“So, uh… “, Mickey stuttered nervously, “Do you wanna get outta here, or… ?” John looked at him quizzically as if he didn’t get the hint. Then suddenly it dawned on him. “Oh shit! You think I’m gay, right?”, he replied with a laugh, “Sorry, of course you must think that… we’re at a fuckin’ gay bar! Sorry, I misled you, but I’m straight… ”, he apologized and it sounded like he truly meant it. Mickey just wanted to disappear in a hole in the ground. He was about to stand up and just leave that very embarrassing scene, when John held on to his shoulder. “Ey, listen man, don’t worry about it, okay?”, he tried to make him stay. Cat returned from the bathroom and saw Mickey and John standing. “You’re leaving already?”, she asked disappointedly, “No fuckin’ way! I just got you!” She laughed and swung one arm around his shoulders. “Besides I’m in the mood for some weed… you’re into weed?” Mickey chuckled. Was he? He hadn’t had weed in… well everything good had just been a long fucking time ago for him, so he nodded. “Great! Let’s get back to our place then!”, she replied and dragged him and her brother out of the bar and outside. 

Mickey had fulfilled his goal for the night. Well, almost. He probably wasn’t going to have sex that night, but at least he didn’t spend it alone and he had found some fairly like-minded people, which was something. Everything was better than being alone at that disgusting little motel. Everything!


	2. Better than a Cell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey gets to know Cat and John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd chapter! Hope you like it!
> 
> Thank you for reading :)

“So, where did you learn those insane skills?”, Cat asked curiously, while rolling another joint for them. The first one had burned down quickly and Mickey already felt the relaxing effects of the weed he had smoked. His body felt heavy, but in a good way, and his lips had curled into a silly smile. They all sat on the kitchen floor of Cat’s and John’s apartment, smoking and laughing. Mickey was happy he was there. It was just the right distraction from his messed up life.

“Whaddaya mean?”, he slurred, gazing at her. “In front of the bar… you knocked the guy out in a second and he was like, waaaay taller than you are! Looked like you knew whatcha were doin’!”, she replied, licking the paper of the joint, before closing it. She held it in front of her, like it was her masterpiece and lit it afterwards. Mickey just shrugged. “Just somethin’ I picked up on the way… “, he replied, stretching his hand out to take the joint. “What way?”, John asked with the same silly smile on his lips. Mickey took a deep drag, before he answered: “While I was in Mexico.” He breathed out, feeling even more relaxed, if that was even possible and passed the joint to John, who gladly took it. “You don’t look Mexican!”, Cat remarked, chuckling. Mickey laughed with her. “You don’t say!” John began to cough, which earned him even more laughter from the others. “Assholes!”, he mumbled but started to laugh himself.

“What ya did there then?”, Cat asked again, while taking the joint. Mickey was either too high or too drunk (or maybe both) to care if he scared them off anymore, so he decided to tell a bit of his story. “Hidin’!”, he answered shortly. Cat breathed out smoke through her nostrils and looked over at him. “You’re really not much of a talker!”, John remarked, laughing again. Mickey shrugged, taking the joint from Cat. “I’ll scare the fuckin’ shit outta ya if I tell ya!”, he replied chuckling. John placed a hand on his chest dramatically. “Me? You talkin’ about me, motherfucker?”, he laughed. They all cracked up at the theatricals. 

“Fine, you fuckin’ moron I tell ya!”, Mickey sighed, taking another drag, “I was a convict and I escaped prison!” They all started laughing again. “Jesus, fuck!”, Cat gasped, while wiping tears off her face, “Are you serious?” Mickey grinned and nodded. “What were you in for?”, John asked curiously, not the least bit scared. Mickey passed the joint to him. “Nice weather we have today, don’t we?”, he said looking out the window. Cat threw some filter-tips, his way. “Tell us, fucker!”, she prompted. He chuckled again. 

“Let me ask you somethin’ first!”, he said gazing at her, “What’s up with you two living together? I’d kill my sister, if I had to live with her again!” John smirked. “We keep each other in check!”, he answered, passing the joint to Cat. Mickey eyed them suspiciously. “Meaning?”, he asked, raising his eyebrows. John smirked even wider. “I tell you my prison story, if you tell me yours!”, he replied cheekily. Mickey laughed again. “You gotta be shittin’ me!”, he exclaimed, running a hand over his face.

“Alright!”, he sighed, “I guess I have to tell my story first. I’ll try to give you the short version… I was in for attempted murder. Sentenced to fifteen years, parole in eight, if I behaved. Escaped after almost two years. Fled to Mexico. After two years I’d had it and went back to the border. They caught me, sayin’ the attempted murder charges were dropped, but I still had to do time for escaping. That was a year ago. Got released on parole Tuesday, last week. Now I’m sittin’ here with you assholes!” They laughed again and Mickey was happy about it. No judgmental looks or anything, just laughter and acceptance.

“So you didn’t try to kill someone?”, Cat asked, stomping out the rest of the joint and picking up the weed again to roll another one. Mickey looked out the window again. “Mmmh, might actually be raining soon.”, he remarked with a smirk. Cat threw another filter-tip and hit him on the nose. “Ah, you stupid bitch!”, Mickey mumbled, running a finger over his nose, where the filter-tip hit him, “Fuckin’ fine! I tried but I failed… don’t know if I should be happy or angry about it!” He chuckled, looking down on his knuckles. “Then how were the charges dropped, if you’re guilty?”, John asked, gazing at him with his annoyingly handsome face. Mickey hated him for being straight, when he looked at him like that. “Uh,… actually I have no fuckin’ clue! Guess the bitch just decided it’d be better for her or some shit… I don’t know!”, he replied trying to avoid John’s look. Cat and John both gaped at him. “What?”, he asked confused, fearing they had suddenly decided that he was a threat. 

“You tried to kill a woman?”, Cat asked, holding a half-rolled joint in her hands. “Yeah… why?”, Mickey asked unsure. John chuckled. Finally, a sign they weren’t hating him. “What did the bitch do? Made fun of you knuckle tattoos?”, he smirked. Mickey flipped him off but returned the smirk. “Long fuckin’ story I’m really not in the mood to tell right now… unless you fuckin’ roll that damn joint quicker!”, he chuckled, looking at Cat. It was her turn to flip him off. “Hold your horses dumbass! You know, it gets harder the more stoned you are!”, she giggeled. He leaned forward, taking the paper with the weed out of her hand. “Stop whining and lemme do it!”, he replied, trying to roll the thing up. When he was finished he waved it in front of Cat’s face. “There you go!”, he said, handing it back to her. He turned to John again, kicking his leg lightly. “Your fuckin’ turn!”, he grinned, admiring again, how good the guy looked. Weed made him fucking horny and it had been too long. Damn why did he have to be straight! He bent his knees a little to hide the arousal, building in his pants.

“Alright!”, John began, rolling up his sleeves to show the marks on his arms, “I was a drug addict and a dealer for a while and got caught selling meth to some teenagers. Not as cool of a story as yours!” He chuckled, moving his fingers over the prick scars, where a needle once entered his arm. Mickey returned the chuckle. “Teenagers, huh?”, he repeated, taking the joint Cat offered him. John nodded, scratching the back of his head. “Yeah,… not my finest moment but whatever! Can’t change it now anyways! Got five years… first conviction and stuff. Got paroled after two.” He put one of his hands in his pocket like he was searching a penny. 

After a bit of fumbling he pulled out a NA-chip with a big four on it. “Earned that two months ago!”, he said, flipping the chip over to Mickey. He looked at it interestedly, before flipping it back. “Good for you man!”, he remarked, “That all you fucked up?” John laughed in response. “Plenty!”, he answered shortly, “Long ass story though… Fuckin’ prison turned me around… never wanna go back there again!” Mickey chuckled. “I feel ya, man!”, he replied, handing the joint over to John. “Look at you two sweet fucks bonding and shit!”, Cat giggled, throwing filter-tips at both of them, for which they flipped her off. 

“Where are you stayin’ now anyways?”, John suddenly asked. Mickey avoided his look again, staring down at his knuckles. “Motel on 51st.”, he answered without looking up. Cat snorted. “You really stayin’ in this shithole? You must be really desperate!”, she said, taking the joint back from John and taking a deep drag. Mickey shrugged uncomfortably. “Whatever… it’s a bed and a roof over my head. Not like I can afford anything better right now.”, he replied with a sigh. He would rather sleep on their kitchen floor than in that shitty motel again. “You could stay here, you know… we have a spare room!”, John offered abruptly, looking over at Cat for her approval. She nodded quickly. “Yeah man stay here… we don’t mind! Just gotta pay your share!”

Mickey ran a hand over his face. This was just all to easy. “You guys don’t even know me… I could murder you in your sleep! Have you learned nothing from growing up on fuckin’ South Side?”, he chuckled uncomfortably. A smile spread over Cat’s face. “Not really smart announcing it like that!”, she laughed, “But seriously I fuckin’ owe you for tonight and you seem like a nice guy… so, why the hell not?” Mickey remained silent, smiling down at his hands. These two weren’t too bad. He assumed he could live with them. The weed was good and they didn’t judge. Rent was probably cheaper than at the motel, if that was even possible. He shrugged again. “Whatever… show me my fuckin’ room already!”, he replied and the both started smiling dopey. 

Cat stumbled up, holding on to the kitchen table for balance. “Jeez, fuck I’m heavy!”, she mumbled, offered a hand to Mickey and pulled him up. They walked around the corner of the living room and she opened one of three doors in the hallway. “This one would be your room, the next is mine and then there’s the bathroom… Johnny’s room is on the other side of the living room.”, Cat explained and entered his room. It was small with brick walls and a window opposite the door, but Mickey loved it instantly. Better than a cell or a stinky motel room! “How much?”, he asked, looking around. “About 370 bucks, including heating!”, Cat smirked, “Due every first of the month in cash!” Mickey sighed. Definitely cheaper than he expected or what he could afford. “You’ll get three months probation to prove yourself but if you don’t turn out to be a dick you can stay permanently!”, she added, patting his shoulder. “Hey it’s much better than a cell!”, John remarked after Mickey stayed quiet for a while. “Yeah, it definitely is!”, he replied, smiling, “Just wonderin’ where’s the catch?” Cat looked at him surprised and shrugged. “No catch! You’ll be cool and a pleasant roommate and we won’t kick your ass out on the street!”, she laughed, offering a hand to seal the deal. “Fine!”, he replied and shook her hand. This might actually work, he thought, this might as well work!


	3. It's time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey's time in Mexico/Prison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little chapter about Mickey's time in Mexico and prison. I thought I needed to tell a bit of that story before moving on.
> 
> Enjoy :)

\--Three years ago--

The days Mickey had spent in Mexico had passed always the same. He woke up at the beach, usually with a hangover of the Tequila from the night before. He walked around the city and stole or threatened someone for money. He bought something to eat, before he went to the closest bar to get hammered again and afterwards fell asleep at the beach until the next morning came and the merciless sun would wake him up. 

Finding a job was hard without speaking the language fluently and it was also not really in his interest to work for money. Nobody ever called the police because they were too corrupt and he would have just gotten away with it. Stealing seemed like the best opportunity he had. He didn’t care either way. Nothing mattered anymore, since he crossed the border and left everything behind. Since he left him behind… 

It also seemed like he had left all his emotions at the border, as well. He didn’t feel much anymore and he didn’t mind if he lived or died. The part of him, where he used to feel anger, fear or even love was gone and replaced by a black hole of nothingness and he liked it that way. He didn’t want to remember anything. If he could, he would have just erased his memory completely. There was nothing left in him anymore, beside the wish that someone or something would just end it all already.

He had lived in that state of nihilism for six months now. Until one day he threatened the wrong guy and got knocked out quickly. 

\- - - - - - 

When Mickey regained consciousness, he found himself in the middle of a boxing ring. His hands were tied with a rope and his head hurt. As he looked around, he saw the guy he had tried to rob standing in one corner watching him with folded hands. The guy was about his height, had dark short hair and a beard. His brown eyes met Mickey’s and he stood up and walked slowly towards him. 

Mickey tried to unwind from the rope around his hands but it was knotted too tight. “Fuck off!”, he spat at the guy, trying to push himself away from him. The guy came to a stand in front of him. “I have been watching you!”, he said with a strong accent. Mickey frowned at him. “Fuckin’ pervert!”, he replied, trying crawl further backwards. The guy laughed. “You know, for an American you got a lot of fire in you, esé. But all this fire will get you killed if you don’t stop that mierda!”

Mickey snorted but came to a halt, when he reached the other corner. “Why do you care? What do you want from me?”, he asked impatiently. The guy laughed again. “As I said, I’ve been watching you and your fighting technique… robbing people on these shitty streets can’t be very profitable. You would earn much more if you fought in a ring!”, he said with a smirk. 

Mickey scowled and he suddenly realized that he knew the guy. He had seen him before in one of the bars close to the beach. Most Mexicans looked the same to him and he never cared to get to know someone better, but that guy had something on him, Mickey couldn’t quite point his finger on. “You could fight for me and I’ll show you a couple of more moves… you could get 1000 pesos per win.”, the guy continued.

The offer didn’t sound so bad. 1000 pesos were more than he usually made. “What’s the catch?”, he asked suspiciously. The guy grinned and shook his head slowly. “No catch, esé!”, he answered, “You just have to win!” Mickey raised his eyebrows and looked at him quizzically. “Yeah, right and what do you get out of it, huh? The way you knocked me out, you’d be much more efficient if you went in the ring yourself! Don’t need me for that shit”

The guy kneeled down in front of him, so he could be at eye level with Mickey. “I’ve been in the ring for twenty years… it’s time for me to retire and let someone else take a hit.”, he responded calmly, “Besides I’ll make a shit ton more money by betting on your ass than being in the ring myself… the only thing you need to do is win!” 

Mickey looked at the guy firmly, trying to figure out if he wanted to fuck him over with the offer. After all, what did he have to lose? At least that way he had a bit of money and if he was really lucky, someone would eventually put him out of his misery. He sighed and held up his hands. “Whatever!”, he sighed and the guy in front of him smiled. He took a knife from his back pocket and cut the rope on Mickey’s hands.

“My name is Miguel.”, he introduced himself. “Mickey.”, Mickey grunted, rubbing his wrists, were the rope had been. “Nice to meet you Mickey!”, Miguel replied and offered a hand to pull him on his feet. Mickey took it and stood up, his legs still a little shaky. “You can sleep in the back of the barn if you have no place to stay.”, Miguel offered and Mickey nodded quietly, “And one more thing!” Mickey raised his eyebrows in question. “If you try to rob me again, I’m going to kill you for real this time!”

\- - - - - -

Weeks passed and Mickey had earned himself a name in the ring. With Miguel coaching him he had learned a few more efficient throws and punches but there was one thing that made him particularly successful there: He wasn’t afraid to take a hit. Most of his opponents were just locals who wanted to lock horns with someone, others were tourists, who wanted quick money. Most of them underestimated him and some of them were just too scared of pain to be effective. 

\- - - - - -

After a few months Mickey and Miguel had earned themselves a pretty penny. However, fighting and earning money with it didn’t stop Mickey from drinking. He had just replaced the robbing part with fighting. The rest of his daily routine had barely changed.

“What are you running from?”, Miguel asked one day, after he had found Mickey passed out in the barn in his own vomit. “Mmh?”, Mickey grunted sleepily, barely opening his eyes to look at him. “We all run from something amigo, but I think you are just trying to get yourself killed!”, Miguel continued, sitting on a footstool beside him, “Don’t get me wrong! Your fearlessness has put a lot of money in my pockets, but I think you go down a dangerous path… So what is it? What happened to you?” Mickey sighed. His head was pounding and he wasn’t really in the mood of talking. Miguel hadn’t taken an interest in his life before and he had been more than happy about that. 

He said nothing and closed his eyes again in the hope that Miguel would just leave it at that. “Broken heart, huh?”, Miguel said all of a sudden and Mickey opened his eyes instantly, “Ha, I knew it!” Mickey glared at him and ran a hand over his face in exhaustion. “Can’t you just leave me the fuck alone?”, he growled and rubbed his eyes. He flinched from the pain of his still bloody knuckles. They barely had time to heal these days but that didn’t matter. 

“What happened? He cheated on you or something?”, Miguel asked curiously. Mickey scowled at him and Miguel started to laugh. “Relax, esé! I saw you with that hombre the other day… you’re not really subtle when you’re drunk you know that right?”, Miguel grinned and Mickey just flipped him off in response. Miguel stood up slowly and looked down on him, lying there on the floor in his own vomit. “You know, esé, you can’t run away forever. Eventually you have to face what’s hunting you or it will kill you!” He walked away leaving Mickey alone with his hangover.

A part of Mickey knew that Miguel was right. He couldn’t live his life like that forever but what else was he supposed to do? Turn himself in? Return to prison? Facing something that was probably a life sentence by now wasn’t really in his interest and what good would it do for him? So he could clear his conscience? When had he ever cleared his conscience? When had he ever felt the need of doing so? What the hell did that even mean?

Then again, would he ever be happy where he was right now?

He decided not to spin this thought any further. He had to sleep off his hangover before getting in the ring again. 

\- - - - - -

Miguel died a year later. Beaten to death by a few guys that had lost a bet against him. Mickey had been fast asleep while it happened. When he woke and someone told him the news he did what he had always done since he arrived in Mexico: He drowned himself in Tequila.

\- - - - - -

The idea came in a blur of drunken thought. It was time to go back to the border, whatever the consequences were. Either he would be killed in Mexico or in some shitty prison in the US. It didn’t matter. He didn’t care. The only thing he heard in his head was Miguel’s voice. If he didn’t care he might as well face what he had been running from. Maybe that way he would get the devil off his shoulders. Maybe that way he would see him again… 

\- - - - - - 

He woke up in a prison cell. An American prison cell. There were handcuffs on his wrists. He was thirsty and his head was pounding again. He tried to remember what had happened. Something with dropped charges? That couldn’t be right, could it? Why would Sammi drop the attempted murder charges? That didn’t make any sense. But who was he to complain?

\- - - - - - 

His sentence was lowered to three years. Parole in one if he behaved. He was sent back to the Stateville correctional facility. Getting sober was the worst part of it. After intoxicating his body with Tequila for the past two years it was torture getting that shit out of his system. The first few days of his prison time he spent at the infirmary, since the withdrawal symptoms had gotten worse over time.

It had started at the Mexican border, eight hours after his last drop of alcohol. He began to feel nauseas and his stomach hurt like someone had stabbed a knife in it. He couldn’t sleep and he was anxious all the way back to Illinois. After a day his heart began to race in his chest. He felt feverish and he always forgot where he was. That’s when they brought him to the infirmary. But the worst was yet to come. 

Three days after he was back in the correctional facility he saw him first, sitting by the foot of his bed. That beautiful red head. That goddamn beautiful red head. He smiled at him like nothing had ever happened. Like in the old days, when their only worry was to get caught. God, he would have given anything to go back. 

“Hey Mick!”, the red head said and smiled that hundred watt smile, “Doing okay?” Mickey couldn’t answer. He felt like he was going crazy, he couldn’t believe his eyes. “I know it was probably hard for you to come back, to face all this… but I’m really proud of you!”, the red head continued. He stood up and walked around Mickey’s bed, leaning over him. “I love you!”, he said and leaned closer but just when Mickey thought he could feel his lips on his own, the red head was gone. He hated how much his heart had leaped for joy by the sight of him but it was also the first time he had felt that way in a really long time, so he held onto that feeling as long as he could.

The second time he saw him he wore a white coat and Mickey was pretty sure that he was actually a doctor. He called him ‘Mr. Milkovich’ and explained a lot of medical gibberish. He looked serious and not at all like before. He was worried. Maybe he was off his meds? 

The last time he stood by the foot of his bed again. He looked sad and that made Mickey want to kill someone. “You don’t owe me anything!”, he said and a tear ran down his freckled cheeks. Mickey felt like he had lived that scene before. “I love you!”, he whispered, tears running down Mickey’s cheeks now, “I fuckin’ love you!” The red head shook his head and looked down. “That’s not me anymore!”, he replied calmly, “That’s not me anymore!” Mickey tried to sit up but his hands were strapped to the bed. “I’m not the crazy one, you are!”, the red head said coldly. His face had turned serious. “Maybe you should take some meds… or how about you kill yourself? Nobody will care anyway!” Mickey looked at him disbelievingly through tear stained eyes. “I fuckin’ love you!”, he yelled at the red head. When he closed his eyes to blink away the tears he was gone and a nurse was by side, ramming a needle in his arm. He drifted off to sleep.

\- - - - - -

After ten days the withdrawal symptoms had worn off and he was brought to his cell. His cell mate was a wimp and easy to control. He did the same thing he always did behind bars: Making everyone around him his bitch and trying to survive while at it. He knew the rules and he knew how to play. Sometimes he believed he was born to be in chains. At least here he knew what to do. 

\- - - - - -

The day he got released from prison, he swore to himself never to think about that red head again. Never. It was time to move on. He had suffered long enough under the memories. He didn’t want him, he had made that clear to him more than once and Mickey was done. He was done with it all. It was time for a fresh start. He would take responsibility and build a life for himself he could be happy with. It was time.


	4. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey gets a job offer and finally meets his son again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the new chapter!   
> Thank you for reading!

“However far aaaawaaaayyy… I will aaalwaayyys love yooouuuu!”

For the third time this week, Mickey got woken up by Cat singing her heart out over some chick that had left her. He felt like living with his sister all over again. Besides her boyish look she actually had a lot in common with Mandy. She wore way too much eye make-up, she usually annoyed the fuck out of him and she cursed more than anyone he had ever met, besides himself of course. Nevertheless, as much as she was annoying, she was also quite lovable. She had a big heart and she cut his hair. What else could you want from a roommate?

He had lived with John and Cat for four weeks now and he really couldn’t complain. It felt good to have stuff of his own again. An own bed, own wardrobe, own clothes, not that ugly orange jumpsuit and everyone just up his shit all the fucking time. 

He heard a knock on his door and sat up in bed. “Come in!”, he yelled while looking for a t-shirt. John slipped in with an annoyed look on his face. “Dude, you wanna grab some breakfast somewhere? I can’t listen to that song anymore!”, he said through crunched teeth. Mickey chuckled while he put on some pants and a simple black shirt. “What? Don’t tell me you don’t like that shit?”, Mickey laughed. John shook his head tiredly. “Don’t even like that stupid band but know the song by heart now.”, he answered, “Let’s go to that shitty diner around the corner!” Mickey grabbed his jacket and they left the apartment as quickly as possible.

John was the complete opposite of his sister. He was more quiet and more restrained than Cat. However, Mickey liked the guy. Not in the way he did when he first met him but on a friendly basis. John was cool. He had seen some shit and had gone through many rough patches in his life, just like Mickey. Just like Cat, too. Maybe that’s why they all got along so well. They came from the same streets and they all had faced pain and struggle, people that were not from here, couldn’t possibly understand.

They sat down in a small booth. Mickey ordered eggs and bacon and John pancakes. “Is she always like that?”, Mickey asked after a while. John shrugged. “Not always… but that girl must’ve really appealed to her. Don’t think they were too serious though.” Mickey took a sip of his coffee and nodded. “What about you man? Seeing anyone? Saw some guy leaving your room the other week. Anything serious?”, John asked and Mickey immediately felt caught and ashamed by the little one night stand he had had. “Don’t blush man! It’s cool! I was just curious!”, John laughed, which made Mickey blush even more. “Nah, not seeing anyone… “, he replied shortly. John nodded in response and they fell silent again.

The waitress came and brought their breakfast. “Now, that looks a lot better than whatever they serve you in Stateville right?”, John grinned. “You bet!”, Mickey replied, digging into his eggs and bacon. “You ever think about that place, anymore?”, John asked taking a big bite of a pancake, dangling from his fork. Mickey shrugged. “I really try not to but sometimes you just can’t help it, you know.”, he answered truthfully. 

“Yeah I feel ya man!”, John replied, “Sometimes I wake up and I still feel like I have to watch my back every second. Makes me want a fix that much more… but what can ya do?” John laughed and took a big gulp of his coffee. “Ever got hooked on something?” Mickey tilted his head a little. He probably had been hooked on Tequila when he was still in Mexico but it was not like he still had that craving. In fact, Tequila disgusted him more than anything. The mere smell of it made him want to puke. He thought about back in the day when he and his brothers slang coke. It had never occurred to him that addiction might be a threat. Sure, some people were fucked up but he never had a problem to stop if he wanted to. Except for cigarettes of course. Damn he loved to smoke.

“Not really… “, he replied shortly. John smiled. “Yeah, you don’t really seem like that kind of person… you seem more like… in control… of your surroundings and all.” Mickey laughed. “Yeah right! I’m in control!”, he chuckled, picked up a piece of bacon and shoved it into his mouth. John joined in the laugh. “Yeah! Don’t you agree?” 

Mickey shook his head slowly, still smiling. “Man, if I was in control of my surroundings I wouldn’t be working at that shitty construction site! I would…”, he stopped and swallowed. Well, what would he do? Go back to pimping? Selling drugs? Or beat up people for a living? His career choices hadn’t really been that of a responsible upstanding citizen and he needed to be one if he wanted to stay out of prison. John chuckled again. “I know man! But things will turn around eventually! It always does!” 

When they were finished, they paid and went outside the diner again. “Think it’s safe to go home again?”, Mickey asked, lighting himself a cigarette. “Let’s give it a try… we could still gag her or cut her tongue out or some shit!”, John laughed and patted Mickey on the shoulder.

They walked back the block to their apartment. When the arrived in front of their door they both took a quick listen. No singing. Relieved John, opened the door and they entered, just to find Cat and another woman with bright red colored hair sitting at the kitchen table. Cat looked like she had cried all night. Her mascara was all smeared and her eyes looked swollen. She put on a weak smile when she saw her brother and Mickey enter. 

The redhead smiled and stood up to greet John with a tight hug. “Hey Johnny! What’s up? Haven’t seen you in a while!”, she said and John returned the hug. “Hey Tory! I’m good! How are you? How’s business?”, he asked shyly. “’s all good!”, she replied. The situation seemed a little awkward to Mickey. It looked like they were both trying too hard to be nice to each other.

“Now who’s that pretty boy?”, Tory asked when she noticed Mickey standing there behind John. She stretched a hand out to him. “Tory! Nice to meet you!”, she said effusively. “Mickey.”, he replied taking her hand. Her eyes went wide. “You’re the new roomie?”, she exclaimed with a big smile and he nodded, “Well, new roomie I’m the old roomie! How do you like my old room?” He shrugged. “It’s fine! Can’t complain!”, he replied concisely. She laughed at that and turned around to Cat. “You really didn’t exaggerate with this one!”, she said walking back to the table, “Come sit down with us! Wanna get to know you better!” Mickey hesitantly sat next to her. 

John scratched the back of his head. “I gotta do… something! See you guys!”, he excused himself and fled to his room. Mickey looked quizzically at Cat, who gingerly rubbed her forehead. “Yeah these two were a couple!”, she answered with a smirk, looking over at Tory, who just waved a hand. “Water under the bridge!”, she chuckled and slapped his arm, “So, what do you do? Tell me about you!” Mickey wished he could have just left like John. He hated these interrogations. They were a lot easier when he was drunk or high. Cat just loved to squeeze every little detail of his life out of him. He couldn’t imagine having two of the sort in front of him. Poor John.

“Um… I work at the construction site down the street.”, he answered sheepishly, silently hoping she wouldn’t continue to ask anything further. She shook her head impatiently. “No I mean like martial arts? Cat here told me you saved her by knocking out a guy… and at least to her it looked professional. So what was it? Judo? Karate? Jujitsu? Krav Maga?” Mickey frowned at Cat, who just shrugged in return. She didn’t seem to care much. “No fuckin’ idea!”, he replied irritated. Instead of being offended by that response Tory just laughed. “You’re really charming, you know that? I’m just asking ‘cause I’m searching for coaches for my martial arts center.”, she said still smiling at him. He looked back at Cat again, who put on a shy smile herself. “Just thought you hated the construction job!”, she said apologetically. 

Mickey rolled his eyes. Of course she did. “Um… yeah. I mean no… I don’t even know how to coach. Never done that before… Just fought in a ring for a couple of months.“, he stuttered. Tory waved her hand again. “Can teach how to teach no problem! Come by whenever you’re free and we’ll figure it out! Thinkin’ about gettin’ back in the ring?”, she asked curiously. “Didn’t think about it yet…”, he replied with a shrug but the idea didn’t really sound that bad to him. He loved the ring. It was the only good thing he remembered from Mexico. Bashing someone’s head in… legally. Maybe he would try that out. Maybe he would like to go back to fighting. “I’ll give you my card and we’ll train together!”, Tory said enthusiastically, “I’d love to see you in action!”

The offer seemed awfully familiar. Not too long ago a Mexican made him a similar proposal. He wondered what people saw in him that made them offer him this shit. Did he seem that desperate or eager to hit someone? Whatever the reason it sounded a whole lot better than the construction site. He wasn’t sure about the coaching part yet, but he would figure it out. Blowing off some steam in the ring sounded like a real good idea. 

“Okay, fine!”, he replied and felt his phone buzzing in his pants. Tory quickly handed him her card before he excused himself to take the call. He closed the door of his room behind him and picked up. “What?”, he asked in his usual fashion. “Missed me you piece of shit?”, a very familiar voice with a strong Russian accent asked. “Lana, finally!”, he replied, ignoring the insult. “Thought you missed me!”, she chuckled, “Sorry for bailing on you the other week… wanna meet your son?” 

He sighed. She had really stalled him in meeting Yevgeny. First she canceled their meeting at the last minute and then he couldn’t get a hold of her for the past 3 weeks. “Fuck, where have you been? Why didn’t you call me back earlier?”, he asked frustrated. “Was on vacation… and had to prepare Yevgeny for meeting his piece of shit father. Wanna meet your son or not?”, she replied feisty. “Course I do! When can I see him?”, he asked impatiently. “You off tomorrow?”, she asked, sounding almost bored. “Yeah.”, he answered quickly. “Then we’ll meet tomorrow! Come to Oz Park at two. We meet you at scarecrow statue! Reminds me of you! You like it.” 

He was about to reply something but she had already hung up. He took a deep breath. He was finally going to see his son again. On the one hand he couldn’t wait. On the other he was starting to get seriously nervous. What if Yevgeny hated him for bailing on him? What if he didn’t like him? Or if he wouldn’t want to see him again? Then again, he was seven. How much hate could a seven year old have in him? He was probably overthinking this. Nevertheless he needed to prepare. Buy him a present or something to get on his good side again. He wanted this relationship to last. What family was left for him here besides him?

\- - - - - - 

The next day he leaned on a window in the subway that would bring him to North Side. He had a little Dinosaur plushie hidden under his coat. He used to love dinosaurs as a kid and hoped Yevgeny would be happy about the gift. The subway came to a halt and he got out. He still had like fifteen minutes before their meeting, so he decided to linger at the station for a moment to have a smoke and calm his nerves. 

Cat and John hadn’t asked where he was going when he had left the apartment earlier. They didn’t know about his son yet. They didn’t know much about his past at all but that was okay for now. They didn’t need to know. Not yet. Not until Mickey was sure that Yevgeny would decide to stay in his life. Not until he was sure he could be his dad. There was a lump in his throat when he thought about it. He hoped so much that Yevgeny would forgive him for his absence. He desperately hoped that they could have a relationship.

He threw the cigarette butt away and walked in the direction of the scarecrow statue of Oz Park. There were a lot of families around. All the happy children and their parents made him uneasy. They reminded him of all the things he never had as a child. A happy childhood. Loving parents. He suddenly realized that his son was growing up here. With all those happy rich people whose biggest problems were which pair of shoes to buy next or which fancy restaurant they would eat at.

He closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Panic was rising in his chest. Why did he even come here? His son was so much better off without him. Svetlana had made it. She had gotten out of shitty South Side and thank god she had taken their son with her. He had a better life here. He didn’t need a father like him. He didn’t need…

A sudden tap on his shoulder jolted him from his thoughts. “You already fell asleep? We are not that late!”, Svetlana said in her strong accent. He turned around startled. She looked really good. Mickey could see that she had a little more money than when he last saw her. She was dressed in expensive brands, with a real Armani bag dangling from her arm. Next to her stood a little boy with blond tousled hair. He looked up at Mickey with big blue eyes. Mickey was speechless. He was so not prepared for it all. It was like his mind had been wiped clean. 

“Uh… hey!”, he stuttered insecurely and Svetlana started to smile. She pulled him in for a hug. “You lost weight!”, she remarked, feeling his biceps, “But you put on muscle. That’s good! Makes you strong man!” He looked at her disbelievingly, like he hadn’t understood her. Her voice sounded so cheery and happy. He had never heard that voice on her before. “Remember your son?”, she continued after he hadn’t responded. He looked down at Yevgeny again, who still gazed at him curiously. Mickey nodded and tried to smile at the little boy in front of him. 

“Hey little man how are you?”, he asked carefully. Yevgeny looked up at his mum insecurely, then back to Mickey. “I’m good!”, he replied politely and not at all shy. Mickey smirked and kneeled before him to be at eye level. “I got something for you!”, he said and pulled out the dinosaur. Yevgeny’s eyes grew big when he saw the plushie and a smile stretched across his face. “Thank you!”, he exclaimed, took the dinosaur and held it to his chest tightly. “Are you my dad?”, he asked all of a sudden. Mickey looked up at Svetlana and she nodded. “Uh… yeah I am.”, he responded. Yevgeny nodded. ”Okay, cool!”, he said smiling and Mickey couldn’t help but return it. “You go play now, Yevi!”, Svetlana said and he nodded again before he ran off to the playground, the plushie still pressed tightly to his chest.

“You’ve done a good job with him!”, Mickey remarked and pulled out a cigarette to calm his nerves again. “Course I did! What did you expect?”, Svetlana replied, her voice suddenly sounding cold. There she was. That’s how he knew her. “Let’s sit down and talk!”, she suggested and they sat on a close by bench, where they could watch Yevgeny play. “So why are you out of prison, yet? You threaten someone for freedom?” Mickey shook his head. “Charges were dropped… dunno why, though.”, he said, pulling on his cigarette. Svetlana huffed. “That sounds like lie and I don’t like liars around my son!”

“Well, he’s my son, too and that wasn’t a lie… I really don’t know!”, Mickey replied looking at her firmly. She watched his face suspiciously to see if he was speaking the truth. “So what you do now? Go back to pimpin’? Sell drugs or guns? Family business?” He shook his head again. “I already told you, I’m working at a constructions site now. I walk the line. No more illegal bullshit!” She laughed loudly. “I believe this when I see!”, she chuckled and they fell silent for a while.

“You back with orange boy?”, she asked abruptly. He gazed at her startled. “What? No!”, he answered harshly. “Pity! You two were good together!”, she said thoughtfully, “From what I hear, he is better now! Not so crazy anymore. Works as EMT. Is good at his job. No more stealing babies!” Mickey snorted. “I really don’t give a shit about him!” She laughed again. “So you do give shit but don’t want to admit? Fine by me! I tell him you said hi, when I see him!”

Mickey rolled his eyes. He had been really good at banning him from his mind recently but Svetlana wouldn’t be Svetlana if she didn’t twist the knife in the wound. “Don’t! Okay? I don’t need this bullshit in my life right now!”, he grunted. She just shrugged as a response. “Fine! Your loss!”, she sighed.

Mickey took a deep breath and threw away the remains of his cigarette. “What about visitation rights?”, he asked. “Let’s talk about that when I’m sure you’re not a piece of shit anymore, yes?”, she smiled at him, “You understand, I don’t wanna leave my Yevgeny alone with criminal!” Mickey tilted his head back. Of course it wasn’t that easy. He probably would act the same way if their situations were reversed. “But I can see him again, right?”, he asked insecurely. She patted his back encouragingly. “Look at you, caring for your son all of sudden!”, she snickered, “You can come to this park every two weeks, same time. You can see him then!” 

He nodded in agreement. It was a start. It wasn’t much, but it was a start. He stood up to go spent some time with his son before they left again. On the ride home he was feeling happy and excited. He had met his son and the little guy didn’t even seem to hate him. He even liked the toy he had bought him. This might be the start of something good, he hoped. God, how much he hoped that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one is going to be fun! A certain redhead will be back ;)


	5. Fistfight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian is doing his job and Mickey has his first fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited return of Ian. I hope you guys like it!  
> Thank you so much for reading, commenting and kudos-ing! It's greatly appreciated!

Ian had been good lately. His life was running as smoothly as it could and not least because he had stopped dating a couple of weeks ago. His last relationships had been awful. The last couple of dates he had had even worse. There was no real thrill for him anymore when it came to dating. Either the guys ran away at the first glimpse of his bipolar disorder or he just got bored with them after a while and broke it off. It all had been a vicious cycle of trying to fall in love, getting broken and recovering again and he just couldn’t bare it anymore. He was done. At least for now.

To keep himself busy he had volunteered for various extra shifts, which usually just involved sitting or standing around at a rally, a protest or some other grand event that required an ambulance in case something happened. Usually there wasn’t much to do either. Usually they just took care of little scratch wounds or people with circulation problems. The worst injury they had had at these events was a little kid, breaking his arm because he had fallen off a wagon at a parade. Usually it was boring but then again usually didn’t involve always.

Today they were doing something a little different and he had decided to take the Polaroid camera, he had gotten from his siblings for his birthday. Just in case he could get some nice shots. It was supposed to be boring anyway so he might as well keep himself entertained. 

He jumped in the ambulance on the passenger seat and greeted Sue with a friendly smile. “Look at you all in a good mood!”, she chirped, “Gettin’ no dick is making you happy, huh?” She laughed and started the engine. “Trust me I still get enough dick! I just stopped dating for a while… but yeah it’s relaxing!”, he replied equally chirpy. She took a quick glance at him before they drove out of the station, noticing the small camera he held in his hands. “You know you can’t take any pictures while working?”, she reminded him with her typical motherly voice. He just shrugged. “Sue me… We probably won’t have to do much anyway!” 

She chuckled at that. “I’ll ‘Sue’ you all fuckin’ day… alright fine but you abandon the thing as soon as we have work to do and trust me we will have today!” Ian turned to her with raised eyebrows. “Thought we were doing the pep rally at that school?”, he asked confused. She shook her head quickly. “Nah, Jenny and the new guy are doin’ that. We are heading to the martial arts center for an amateur MMA fight. ‘s goin’ to be insane! There’ll definitely be blood!”, she laughed. He looked in driving direction again. “Huh… Fine by me! At least there’ll be some action!”, he returned her laugh and took a quick photo of her, for which she kindly flipped him off. 

They arrived a little later at the martial arts center. There was already a big crowd forming around the ring. The fighters seemed to be in their dressing rooms since they were nowhere to be seen. An athletic woman with bright red colored hair approached them as soon as she saw them enter with their first aid bags. 

“Are you the EMTs?”, she asked friendly. Sue and Ian nodded. “I’m Sue and this is Ian.”, Sue answered for them. The woman smiled widely at them. “Great! Nice to meet you! My name is Tory. I’m the owner. If you have any questions come to me!” She shook both their hands before she continued. “Let me just show you around real quick! You’ll be seated in the front next to the ring, so you can jump in whenever you get the sign of the referee. I’m sure you two are professionals but I can’t stress this enough: Do not get in the ring before you get that sign, okay?” Both nodded in agreement. “Sorry to say this so boldly but we had accidents with EMTs before.” She smiled shyly. “Besides that you can get refreshments from the bar over there and I guess that’s it! Any questions?” Sue and Ian shook their heads. “All clear!”, Ian responded which earned him another smile from her. “Great! Then enjoy the show and take your seat! It’ll start soon!”, she waved them goodbye and the approached their seats in the front. 

Most of the people in the crowd looked like they either bet a lot of money on the fighters or they were fighters themselves. Ian was excited. He had never been to a MMA fight but from what he had heard they were brutal. This ought to be a great show.

They didn’t have to wait long before Tory entered the ring and started to introduce the fighters. There was some Mexican looking guy named Fernando and there was… Mickey? Ian had to rub his eyes and look closer. Was that really Mickey Milkovich? It couldn’t be him. As far as Ian knew he was still in Mexico… where he left him. It couldn’t possibly be Mickey. He looked at the pale man with the dark hair disbelievingly but then Tory confirmed Ian’s suspicion by introducing Mickey fuckin’ Milkovich to the crowd. Ian was in shock. He could just stare at the man standing in the ring. 

\- - - - - -

Mickey stretched his arms and legs in the little dressing room of the martial arts center. His first big fight. He had trained three months for this day. He knew he wasn’t nearly as in shape as he should be and his opponent seemed to be a little more experienced from what he had heard but that didn’t bother him the least. He knew he would win. He always did.

Cat entered the dressing room. “Wow, the crowd’s gettin’ bigger out there! You nervous, yet?”, she asked with a shit eating grin on her face. Mickey huffed. “Don’t care!”, he mumbled and stretched his right shoulder. John leaned on the wall opposed to Mickey. “Not afraid to get hit?”, he asked gingerly. Mickey shook his head and stretched the other shoulder. “Just wanna knock out some teeth!”, he smiled and rolled his arms to loosen up the muscles. 

Tory entered the dressing room with a big smile on her face. “The EMTs are here! You ready?”, she asked excitedly. Mickey nodded and she helped him put on the gloves. “Was born ready!”, he smirked. Tory nodded. “I know you were! Just please don’t kill the guy okay? He has a very promising career… would hate to see him go!”, she joked and Mickey laughed darkly. “Alright, guess we’ll see you after!”, Cat said and patted his back, “Shred him to pieces!” 

After Cat and John had gone to get their seats, Mickey followed Tory out of the dressing room. She introduced him and his opponent, some guy named Fernando, and they fist bumped before the fight started. Mickey was focused. He didn’t notice anyone around him. All he saw was that guy in front of him. In the far distant he heard cheering from the crowd, the referee and than he heard the gong and the show began.

He approached his opponent and immediately aimed for his face. The guy ducked away from the punch and landed a fist on Mickey’s ribs, which knocked the air out of his lungs and he stumbled back a bit. Fernando took another swing which Mickey could easily dodge. He managed to land a few hits against his ribs, before he shot up his knee in his stomach. His opponent broke down shortly, which gave Mickey the chance to put him in a headlock.

As Mickey tried to keep him down he saw a flash of red hair in the corner of his eyes from somewhere in the crowd. No that couldn’t be… Mickey’s hesitation was enough for Fernando to shoot up again and smash his head against Mickey’s. He stumbled back again and felt his eye throbbing. Warm blood was running down his cheek. He had been hit good. He shook his head angrily to gather his thoughts and approached him again. He landed another few hits in his face and chest, before the guy finally broke down. 

The referee counted him and the fight was over. Mickey held up his fists victoriously, when he was declared the winner. He had won. Just like he always did. He let his eyes wander around the crowd and they locked with a very familiar pair of green eyes, attached to a very familiar face and very familiar red hair. The man he had tried to ban from his mind for the past year, whose name he didn’t even allow himself to think, was sitting in the crowd, watching him, dressed in his EMT uniform. Out of all the fucking EMTs in Chicago, what were the odds of him being here? He of all people! Now of all times!

Mickey felt like his knees were about to give in by the sight of him. He jumped out o the ring and quickly made his way back to the dressing room, closely followed by Cat and John. 

“You made it!”, Cat cheered and patted his sweaty back again. He breathed heavily and sat down on a bench in front of some lockers. “Aren’t you happy?”, she asked confused when he didn’t respond. His chest tightened and he buried his head in his hands. “Hey, man you alright?”, he heard John say with a worried tone. His arms were shaking and his breathing was still too fast. His eye hurt like a bitch and blood was running all over his hands but he didn’t care. 

Had he hallucinated again? Was he real or just an imagination? He heard someone leave the room. He felt a soothing hand, probably Cat’s, on his shoulder. He swallowed hard, but he neither could control his breathing nor his shaking arms. He heard the door opening again and soon a pair of strong hands were laid on his shoulders. “Mickey?”, he heard a very familiar voice say, “Let me take care of your wounds!” He couldn’t. He couldn’t look up. He couldn’t control himself. This was all too fucked up. 

“Focus on my voice, Mick. We’ll count to ten. One…” He had called him ‘Mick’. No one called him like that. Did he hear that right? “Two… Three… Four…“ Could it be? It had to be! “Five… Six… Seven…” He began to calm down a little. His mind stopped racing and his arms stopped shaking. “Eight… “ Mickey let his arms fall in his lap and looked up into this fucking ridiculously beautiful face that had tormented him so much in the past years. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?”, he gasped and he saw his expression change from calm to confused. “I’m… I’m working Mick… I’m here to treat your wounds!”, Ian replied. Cat and John looked back and forth between him and Ian. “What… What are you doin’ here?” Mickey just glared at him but Ian wasn’t easily cowed. He sighed, when he didn’t get a response, took some cotton rounds and a bottle of antiseptic from his bag. “Do you two know each other?”, Cat asked carefully. Ian nodded but didn’t look her way. Instead he focused on Mickey. “Close your eyes!”, he demanded. After some hesitation Mickey followed the instructions and let Ian take care of his wounds. They were silent for the whole procedure. When Ian was done he packed his utensils back in his bag. 

“Can we talk… some time?”, Ian asked carefully, after he had finished. Mickey snorted. “We don’t need to talk! There’s nothing to be said!” Ian frowned. “The fuck’s your problem?”, he snapped. Mickey rolled his eyes. “Nothing just get the hell out!”, he exclaimed furiously. Ian didn’t move. He just stared at the man, sitting in front of him. “Your job’s done here, isn’t it?”, Mickey asked pissed, “Now get the hell out!” Ian shook his head. He grabbed his bag and made his way out, without another word.

Cat looked at him disbelievingly. “You alright?”, she asked gingerly. “Oh shut up! Just leave me the fuck alone!”, Mickey snapped at her. The siblings shared a look and both left the dressing room. Mickey sat alone on the bench. He felt like he could barely breath, when he stood up to take a shower. His knees were still a little shaky but he managed to keep them steady when he took off his gloves and let his boxershorts fall to the floor. 

He felt exhausted. Not because of the fighting but because of the thoughts filling his head. Ian was here. Ian was still living in Chicago. He was still working as an EMT. He was still fucking handsome and he could obviously still blow his mind. Fuck!


	6. History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey and Ian get to talk and Mickey ends up breaking his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day! Personal record! :)  
> This is another very emotional chapter! I promise it will get better soon. I just had to write where the characters come from at this point, because I can relate so much to both of them.   
> I hope you enjoy it anyway! And as always: Thank you so much for reading :)

Ian was standing outside the martial arts center, waiting for Mickey. He just couldn’t let their conversation end like that. So many questions were screaming in his head like: Why was he here? Was he still a wanted fugitive? Could he be that stupid? Did he make a deal? Why was he fighting in a ring? What the fuck did it all mean? 

He scrunched up his nose and closed his eyes for a moment. He breathed in and out deeply and tried to calm his nerves a bit. The camera was still in his pocket and with it a couple of photos he had taken. He pulled them out and looked at them. The last one he had taken was Mickey’s victorious pose after he had won the fight. Ian had taken it because he needed assurance for himself that it was really Mickey. That he wasn’t dreaming or hallucinating.

He watched the photo eagerly. Mickey looked good, despite the cut on his eye and the bruise on his chin. He was in shape and had lost a little weight. His eyes were still as blue as Ian remembered but there was a dark tone to them now. His face looked more edgy and his overall appearance was menacing. But he was still Mickey. He was still his Mickey. The boy that came out for him. The boy that warmed up his guts and made his heart want to jump out of his chest in way no one had ever managed. He was still his in the back of his mind and he probably always would be.

He had thought a lot about Mickey in the past years. How his life would have gone, if Ian had crossed the Mexican border. Back then he was scared shitless. He had only been stable for a couple of months and every single imbalance in his life had thrown him off the wagon. Moreover, a part of him had doubted that Mickey had known where he was going. He had doubted that Mickey had changed in a way that was healthy. 

When they were teenagers, Ian had never worried about these things, neither had Mickey but as Ian grew up and became an adult, taking responsibility had become inevitable. Ian had just always thought that they would evolve together. That Mickey would just change with him. That they would eventually walk the line together. Happily ever after and all that shit.

He just didn’t want to live his life without a thought of tomorrow anymore. He had a plan for himself. He had goals. Mickey never had that. Or at least he had never shared these things with Ian. Maybe, just maybe he had changed. Maybe. But Ian just couldn’t imagine that Mickey was here legally. He had probably pulled some shit to be back in Chicago. But then why would he just casually fight in a ring like it’s some sort of sport for him. That was just too risky. And who the fuck had been these two people that had seemed so concerned after the fight?

His thoughts were interrupted by the opening door of the the martial arts center. There he was. The man of his dreams and the man of his turmoil. Luckily, he was alone. 

Ian held his breath. He watched Mickey close the door behind him and locking it up with a key. Why did he have a key? What was this all about? When he turned around Ian stepped out of the shadow that was hiding him and approached Mickey. The latter looked annoyed when he noticed him.

“Really, Gallagher?”, he asked, raising his eyebrows. Ian knew that facial expression so well he had to smile. “I just… I want to talk!”, Ian responded insecurely. He took another step towards Mickey and Mickey raised one hand to stop him. “I told you before: There’s nothin’ to talk about here!”, Mickey snapped. Ian shook his head. “See and that’s where you’re wrong! I think we have a fuckin’ lot to talk about! I think you owe me that much!” Mickey scowled at him. “I owe you? What the fuck Gallagher?! Are you off your meds again?” 

Ian scowled back. “Why? Because I’m crazy to think that you could just fuckin’ explain to me what you’re doin’ here? After all we’ve been through, you can’t even stop by to say hello? Tell me you’re back?”, Ian was seriously starting to get pissed by now, “You know what? You’re right you don’t owe me shit! Except maybe a thank you? How about ‘thank you for making my life better’? Or ‘Thank you for the fuckin’ money Ian’? Is that so hard?”

“You wanna hear a fuckin’ thank you? How about a fuckin ‘Where the fuck were you, when I needed you the most’, Ian? I almost fuckin’ killed myself over you! More than once!”, Mickey yelled. He ran a hand over his face. Tears were building up in his eyes and he turned around, so Ian couldn’t see it. Ian sighed behind him. “I still care about you, Mick! Even though I didn’t cross the border with you I meant what I said back then! All I want to know now is if you’re alright?”, Ian said with a much softer voice. His anger had faded. He knew it was unfair to demand ‘thank yous’ and whatnot but he didn’t know how else he got Mickey to talk than to provoke him. It had always been like that.

“I’m fuckin’ fine Gallagher! You don’t need to worry about me! Mind your own fuckin’ business!”, Mickey grunted. Ian took another few steps towards him. They were only a foot apart now. Mickey didn’t flinch nor did he take a step back, when he turned around again. He just stared up at the redhead. “I know I’ve probably caused you a lot of pain, Mick… Just tell me if you’re in trouble. Are you still wanted?” Mickey looked down. Ian was so close he could smell him. He hadn’t noticed earlier. He had probably been too distracted but Ian’s smell was so distinct from everyone. It made his heart leap. It made his insides churn and it made his mouth water. It made him want to devour him. Kiss him until they couldn’t breath. 

He swallowed hard and looked up again. “I’m not… in trouble!”, he said quietly, “I’m out… legally! No one’s comin’ for me!” Ian’s face lit up. He closed the distance between them and kissed Mickey on the lips. Mickey kissed him back, first gingerly then hungrily. The smell, the taste, the fucking view. It was all just too familiar. It felt too much like home. It also felt a lot like heartbreak. Like pain. Like drinking too fucking much. And like hoping to be killed.

Mickey pulled back and pushed Ian softly away. “I can’t do this again, Ian!” Ian looked disappointed and wanted to get closer to Mickey again. He had to keep him at arms length to hinder him from coming closer. “If you really care than don’t do this! Stay away!”, Mickey gasped under tears. He saw tears in Ian’s eyes as well. The redhead reached out for Mickey but he just turned around and started walking. 

He had to get out of there. He had to walk away now, before he made a huge mistake. He couldn’t risk his sanity. There was just too much on the line, now. His son, his job, he finally thought he was happy and now this again? He couldn’t risk it. He had to stop before it lead anywhere. He was tired of picking up the pieces. He knew it had been mostly his own fault in the past and Ian had had every right to make his decision. But he had made that decision twice. Twice, he decided against him. What would hinder him to do it a third time?

The tears had stopped from running when he arrived at his apartment, but he had started to get mad again. Mad at himself that he had let Ian kiss him. That he was still so fucking vulnerable when it came to him. He tried to gather himself before he entered. Before opening the door he took a deep breath. 

Cat and John were sitting at the kitchen table, each of them having a beer in their hands. They both looked at him insecurely when he closed the door behind him. Cat started to smile at him as if that would calm him down. “There he is! The fuckin’ winner!”, she chirped and raised her beer to him. He sighed and kept silent. John stood up and came towards him. “Mick, you alright?”, he asked carefully. ‘Mick’. Ian used to call him that. Still did. Fuck, why did this happen to him now? Before John could say anything further Mickey slammed his fist against the wall at full power. They heard the crack of Mickey’s hand breaking. He hadn’t even thought about it. He had just reacted to the emotions inside him. 

“Oh my fuckin’ god!”, Cat exclaimed and came running towards him, looking at his hand. The pain pulled Mickey from his thoughts. “Shit!”, he mumbled. He tried to keep his hand still so it wouldn’t hurt as much but there were still waves of pain wandering from his hand through his whole body. “Shit! Shit!”, he repeated breathing heavily. “We need to get you to a hospital!”, John said firmly. Mickey nodded silently staring at his hand. He didn’t know what to do and he was glad someone was there that told him. It was just all that fucking redhead’s fault. God, why the fuck was it always him?

\- - - - - - 

A few hours later Mickey sat on the kitchen floor with Cat and John. Mickey’s hand was in a cast and he had gotten some painkillers. They smoked a joint. Mickey had never been happier to smoke a joint in his life. It just numbed everything inside him. His physical and emotional pain. And it made him kind of silly and not take things too serious anymore. The siblings had been very careful with him and he appreciated that they hadn’t pushed him for answers yet. 

However, he knew that he probably had to answer them. He owed them that much. They took care of each other, like a family. His reaction must have been shocking. He had never really lost his temper like that in front of them before and he didn’t want to screw things ups with the two. He noticed that Cat eyed him warily. “Ask!”, he prompted her. She bit her bottom lip, probably hoping that Mickey wouldn’t freak out again and break his other hand as well. 

“Who was the guy? The EMT?”, she asked after a while. Mickey sighed, playing with the joint in his healthy hand. “His name’s Ian… He’s my ex.”, he replied thoughtfully. Ian was so much more to him than just that but it would take forever to explain what had made him act like before. “The one you came out for?”, Cat asked again and Mickey nodded. He took another deep drag and handed the joint over to John.

“When I escaped prison, he was the only one I approached. Wanted him to come with me… and he did!”, he continued with another sigh, “Except he left me at the border.” He looked up at her and saw that she gazed at him worriedly. “In Mexico I almost drank myself to death… It wasn’t like I tried to kill myself but I definitely wouldn’t have minded if someone had killed me back then. I guess I came back because nothin’ made sense anymore…” 

Cat nodded slowly and took the joint from her brother. She took a deep drag and breathed out smoke through her nostrils. “So he’s your one!”, she remarked. Mickey tilted his had but remained silent. Ian could very well be his one. He was his first love. His only love so far. If he was ever able to find another one, he didn’t know and he didn’t want to know. One was more than enough. Ian was more than enough.

“I… there’s just so much history, you know?”, he said quietly. The siblings nodded again and became quiet. “I had a ‘one’, too, you know?”, John suddenly broke the silence. Mickey gazed at him disbelievingly but John just had a sad smile on his face. “Man, she drove me mad at times but at the end of the day I always came back to her… we couldn’t stay apart, as much as we wanted to, it was just not possible!” He chuckled half-heartedly and Mickey saw that it pained John to tell the story. “What happened?”, he asked gingerly. John looked him in the eye. “She overdosed on heroin, while I was inside… It was my wake-up call. Got clean after that and everything! Made me realize how much I love my life, you know?”

Mickey let his eyes wander around the kitchen. His wake up call was when he had hit rock bottom at the prison infirmary. When he hallucinated Ian. It just had been painful. To give up on the one thing that had kept him going for so long. Ian had freed him in a way he could have never done that himself. He knew that. He just didn’t know how to be around him now. He was afraid he would be pulled in chaos again and he had lived through enough chaos for a life time. He needed his peace and he needed his quiet and he knew he couldn’t have that with Ian. Not when Ian was always deciding against him. It just hurt too much.


	7. The Memory Remains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey is confronted with a dead family member and has to reach out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick heads up: A member of the Milkovich family dies. Hope it's not someone you'll miss! I personally don't and I have never mentioned him in another fic so far. (Hint: It's neither Mandy nor Terry and obviously not Mickey)
> 
> As always thank you for reading :)

Mickey woke up the next day, feeling like shit. He was still tired and his body ached at ever possible angle. His right hand felt heavy and he remembered that they had to put it in a cast because he had hit it against a wall. What a stupid idea. It felt right at the time though. He was glad he had hit the wall instead of John or Ian. 

Ian… Goddamn it! The memory of yesterday’s kiss came back and he immediately felt a lump in his throat. He remembered how good it had felt to kiss Ian again but at the same time he had felt like someone was ripping his heart out. He couldn’t allow himself to fall into pieces again. No, that wouldn’t happen! He had to get himself together and move an. He had done it before. He could do it again!

His thoughts got interrupted by the doorbell and he heard one of his roomies walk by his room to see who it was. There was muffled mumbling in the hallway before someone knocked on his room door. He got up quickly and put on a shirt and the closest jeans he could find before opening. John’s soft brown eyes looked worriedly back at him. “What’s up?”, Mickey asked confused. John looked to his left, towards their front door then back to Mickey. “There are two cops that want to speak to you, I think!”, he replied concernedly. 

Panic rose up in Mickey. He had the immediate urge to run. Cops looking for him couldn’t mean good news, right? What if he had violated his parole? Did he violate his parole? He thought hard about every single move in the past months. Had he done something illegal that he wasn’t aware of? A million thoughts came crashing down on him as he stepped out of his room, approaching the two cops that were standing there in their uniforms. 

“Are you Mikhailo Alexandr Milkovich?”, one of the cops asked. He swallowed hard and nodded. His heart was pounding so fast in his chest, he swore they could hear it. “Is Igor Milkovich your brother?” Iggy?? He frowned at them. He didn’t expect that. “Yeah he is…”, he answered insecurely. When the cops put on a sympathetic face he already knew why they were here. “We are sorry to inform you that your brother was found dead in a back alley last night. Could you come to the morgue with us to identify the body?”

The words hit him like a punch to the midriff. Suddenly all the air was pushed out of his lungs and he felt like his knees would give in. He hadn’t seen Iggy in several years. The last time before he went to prison. Much like the rest of his family, he never came to visit or even bothered to call or anything. In the Milkovich family it had always been every man for himself and Iggy was no different. That was also one of the reasons why Mickey hadn’t bothered to go back to the old Milkovich house to tell anyone he was back. There was no need. No family bond. They didn’t share anything beside their blood and last name. 

However, the news of Iggy’s death shook him up. He was still his big brother. He was the one that gave him his first beer, his first cigarette. He had tattooed his knuckles. He had talked a girl into having sex with Mickey for the first time. He had kicked some guys ass that had given Mickey a black eye at school. He had gotten him into dealing drugs and earning his first money. His brother had cared back then. In his own fucked up South Side way. It wasn’t his fault that they had grown up in a household with no cohesion. 

“Mr. Milkovich?”, the cop pulled him from his thoughts. He looked at him and nodded. “Yeah, let me just grab my stuff… “, he croaked and went back to his room to collect his wallet, keys and his phone. John stood in the door frame. “You alright?”, he asked again. Mickey was tired of people asking him that. He tried to downplay it by waving his casted hand. “Don’t worry about it!”, he said quietly, “Not like my brother and I were close!” John nodded and stepped aside, when Mickey wanted to leave the room. “Give me a call, if you want me to pick you up, okay?”, he called after him, before Mickey went with the two cops.

 

A little later Mickey was standing in the morgue with the two cops that had brought him and a pathologist. In front of them was the supposed body of his brother and a sheet that covered him. The pathologist looked at Mickey seriously and asked: “Are you ready?” Mickey nodded and he pulled the sheet back from Iggy’s face. 

It was definitely Iggy but he looked so much thinner and cadaverous than Mickey remembered. His skin was a lot paler and he had dark purplish circles under his eyes. The view of a corpse was not what shocked Mickey but the actual appearance of his brother. What the hell had happened to him that he looked like that? The cops gazed at him expectantly and he nodded again. “It’s him.”, he said firmly. The pathologist put back the sheet and looked up at Mickey. “We’ve found traces of amphetamine on his skin and in his blood. Although we are quite sure your brother died of a heart failure, we think it was caused by a significant abuse of substances.”, he explained factually, “We are very sorry for your loss!”

Mickey nodded silently. He hadn’t expected anything else. Iggy had fooled around with different drugs since he could remember. He had slung drugs half his life and consumed even longer. It had been fairly obvious that he had had a problem but then again who bothered to even care? 

Mickey didn’t really know how he should feel about all this. Was he supposed to be sad or devastated by the death of his brother? Should he feel bad that he didn’t try to do anything to help him earlier? That he didn’t reach out to him or let him know he was back? At the moment, he just felt nothing at all and the fact that the people around him looked so sympathetically made him uneasy. He had to get out of there and clear his head.

\- - - - - -

A few days later Mickey sat at the kitchen table with Cat and John. In front of him was a little carton box with the earthly remains of Iggy Milkovich. The ashes were handed to him since his father and other brothers were in prison and Mandy was still MIA. He was the only Milkovich available so he had to take care of it. He stared at the box and drummed his fingers on the table.

“So you planning a funeral or somethin’?”, Cat asked after a while to break the silence. Mickey shrugged. “No idea…”, he replied concisely. “Any family you wanna call? Someone that could help you? Knows what to do and shit?”, John asked him. He sighed still staring at the box. There was someone he would love to call but he didn’t have her number and she wasn’t traceable. He hadn’t seen his sister in forever but he knew that she would want to know if one of her brothers had died. He had an idea who could have her current number though and even if he didn’t like it he would have to reach out to him. 

“Mickey?”, John interrupted his thoughts. Mickey looked at him startled. “What?” John smiled at him softly. “Is there family you wanna call?”, he repeated and Mickey frowned. “My sister… but I… I don’t know. It’s complicated!”, he answered. John gazed at him quizzically. “She in prison, too?” Mickey shook his head. “No… I don’t know. I haven’t seen her in five years… dunno where she is.” Cat and John looked at him sympathetically again and that bugged the hell out of him. He appreciated that they were concerned but he just didn’t like to be pitied all the time.

“I gotta go… deal with some shit!”, he said quickly and stood up, “See ya later!” He turned around and left the apartment, leaving the siblings with their pity looks behind. He knew exactly where he had to go, although he was nervous to go there. After all, he had told him to stay away and now he was the one reaching out to him again. He just needed to know if he knew anything about Mandy’s whereabouts. She deserved to know and he would love to see his sister again. 

 

Half an hour later he stood in front of the Gallagher house. He smoked a cigarette and just stared at the run down house. Right here, Ian decided against him for the first time. He remembered it well. In prison he had thought a lot about their conversation and how it got interrupted by a furious Sammi. That stupid bitch. But there weren’t only bad memories attached to that house for him. A few good ones as well. Of course the good ones involved a lot of sneaking around and having quick sex whenever no one was looking. They were fucking great times and he cherished those memories dearly.

The lights were on inside, so someone had to be home. He just had to find the courage to knock. He didn’t even know if Ian was still living here but it was worth a try. He just lit himself another cigarette when someone approached him from the side. He turned around quickly and saw Lip, looking fairly confused. 

“Mickey?”, he asked disbelievingly. Mickey took a deep drag of his cigarette and nodded. “’sup Philip?”, he replied calmly. “Ian said you’re back… What are you doin’ here?”, he asked again. Mickey breathed out smoke through his nostrils but didn’t answer immediately. “Look if you’re here to see Ian, he’s not… doing so well right now, okay? So you should better leave!”, Lip said firmly. Of course, that was the reason Ian had backed down so quickly. Mickey had thought it was suspicious that he hadn’t tried anything so far.

“I’m not… It’s not like I want to see him. I just need to know if he’s still in touch with my sister.”, he replied, taking another drag. “Mandy? What do you want from her?”, Lip continued to ask. Mickey rolled his eyes. “She’s my fuckin’ sister, man! I have a right to know where she is!” Lip nodded quickly. “Yeah, sure. Sorry! Did somethin’ happen?” Mickey sighed and threw the butt of his cigarette away. He wasn’t in the mood to play the Gallagher question/answer game. 

“Can you just ask Ian if he has her current number or somethin’?”, Mickey reached in his pocket and pulled out a little note with his number scribbled on it. “He can just text me.” He handed it to Lip and the latter nodded again. “Sure… I’ll give it to him when he feels better.”, he replied and slowly made his way towards the entrance of the house. 

There was a question burning inside Mickey since Lip had mentioned his brother and he just had to ask. “Is he goin’ to be okay?” Lip turned around to him again and tilted his head a little. “He will be!”, he replied assuringly and entered the Gallagher home. Mickey took a deep breath. It was all he could do for now. Now he just had to wait it out.


	8. Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey and Ian talk again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope you enjoy reading it just as much!  
> :) :) :)

Five days later Mickey was at work at the martial arts center. He had been working there for a couple of weeks now and he even started to like the job. Coaching wasn’t nearly as hard as he had thought. If his clients pissed him off, he just let them do more exercises until they shut up. Some even liked to be yelled at, which he enjoyed even more. Moreover, he could train for his own fights there, although the cast on his arm had made that hard for him the past few days.

The ashes of his brother still stood on his nightstand where he had left them. He still didn’t know what to do with them and even more he still didn’t know how to feel about the situation. Ian hadn’t texted him yet and every other attempt of reaching Mandy had been a dead end. By now he believed that she had changed her name or maybe married or some shit. There weren’t many Mandy Milkoviches in the USA but his sister was untraceable.

He went home at around five and got welcomed by an empty apartment, which he greatly appreciated these days. He loved his two roomies but they just pissed him off with their pity all the time. He guessed they just misunderstood the relationship he had had with his brother. Iggy and him hadn’t been nearly as close as John and Cat were. He hadn’t been that close to any of his brothers. Mandy was something else. Maybe because they were only two years apart. Nevertheless, Mandy had left everyone behind just like each of her brothers. No family bond. No strings attached.

His phone suddenly buzzed with an unknown caller. He chose to ignore it and lay on his bed for a while to simply enjoy the silence. It didn’t take long for him to doze off. A little later he woke up by the buzzing of his phone again. He had three unanswered calls by an unknown caller but there was no number visible for him and no voice mail had been left. He snorted and got up from the bed to take a leak. It might be Ian, something in the back of his head said. He hadn’t even finished the thought when the doorbell rang.

He slurred to the front door sleepily and opened the door without even looking through the peephole. And there he was. The six foot tall, ridiculously handsome, redheaded Gallagher. The second he realized it was him he cursed himself for not looking through the fucking peephole first. He could have pretended no one was home but it was too late for that now. And if he was being honest his heart leaped a little at the sight of him.

Ian gazed at him piercingly. “Jesus! What happened to your hand? Did I oversee this after your fight?”, he asked shocked. Mickey looked at him confused, then looked down on his hand. “What? No! It happened after…”, he replied concisely. They looked at each other uncomfortably for a moment before Ian cleared his throat. “I heard about your brother… “, he started and there was this pity look again, Mickey hated so much, “I’m really sorry, Mick! I… Are you alright?” Mickey rolled his eyes. “You know what would really make me feel better?”, he asked annoyed, “If ya’ll would just stop asking me that!” Ian laughed quietly and looked down at his feet. 

“Now, what are you doin’ here, Gallagher? I told Lip you could text me Mandy’s number if you’re still in touch! You didn’t have to come here all the way!” Ian nodded and looked up at Mickey again. “I know… Lip told me. I… I wanted to see you! See if you’re alright! I tried to call first but you didn’t answer, so… “, he tried to explain. The unknown caller, of fucking course. Mickey sighed and rubbed his forehead. He was still tired and he hadn’t expected Ian to show up at his doorstep out of the blue. 

“Wait… how do you even know where I live?”, he asked confused. Ian smiled sheepishly. “Your boss… Tory! She seemed to be very happy to give me your address.” Tory that fucking bitch. Mickey let his head roll on his shoulders and gazed up at Ian again. “So… do you have a number now or what?”, he asked impatiently. 

Ian took a step towards him, just like he did the other night before they had kissed. “Maybe…“, he whispered. He was close enough that Mickey could smell him again. This was all so painfully familiar. He quickly took a step back and laid a hand on Ian’s chest to stop him from coming closer. “What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”, he asked irritated. Ian tilted his head and smiled at him. “I just wanna talk to you first…” Mickey sighed and let his hand fall to his side again. “Really, Gallagher?”, he said tiredly, “What part of ‘Stay away’ didn’t you understand?” 

Ian laughed again. “I don’t wanna stay away…”, he said tenaciously. Mickey was tired of it all. He was tired of Ian’s stubbornness but more importantly he was tired of being pissed at him. He was too tired to keep his guard up and he was too tired to pretend he hadn’t wanted Ian to come here. He turned around and walked to the kitchen. Ian stood confused in the hallway and looked after him. “Close the fuckin’ door already!”, Mickey yelled and opened himself a bottle of beer from the fridge. Ian did as told and made his way to the kitchen himself.

Mickey leaned at the counter, eying him thoughtfully. “Want a beer?”, he asked, taking a gulp. Ian shook his head. “Nah, I‘ll just get wasted!”, he replied chuckling. Mickey nodded and took another sip before putting the bottle down to light himself a cigarette. “Whatcha wanna talk about, then?”, he asked, taking a drag. Ian walked around the kitchen table and leaned on it to be closer to Mickey. “Just… where you been? Why’d you come back? Will you stay?”, Ian blurted out and Mickey chuckled at that. “S’ goin’ to be an interrogation?”, he asked jokingly and Ian returned the smile. “Well, you didn’t want to tell me how you were doin’ so I figured I’ll ask about the second most interesting stuff!”

“You already know where I’ve been…”, Mickey said looking down at the cigarette in his hands. “Then why’d you come back?”, Ian asked again. Mickey shrugged. “I was trying to drink myself to death and I just ended up at the border again…” He took another deep drag, still avoiding Ian’s gaze. “So they caught you and brought you back here?”, Ian resumed and Mickey nodded again. “Told me Sammi had dropped the charges ‘nd I just needed to do time for escaping.” 

“Why would Sammi do that?”, Ian asked confused. Mickey shrugged again. “You tell me! She’s your sister!” Ian smirked. “Half-sister! Actually she’s more my cousin but that doesn’t matter!”, he corrected him, “Never gave a fuck about that bitch anyway!” Mickey licked his lips and smiled a little. 

“I’m on parole now…”, he said carefully and Ian nodded. “That’s good! So you stay out of trouble?” Mickey tilted his head a little. “I’m tryin’! Not like I’m startin’ any shit… don’t wanna end up like my dad or my brothers.” He swallowed hard at the thought of it. Never would he want to go back. Never. Ian nodded again, thoughtfully as if he was trying to put the pieces together in his head. 

“So… will you stay here? In Chicago, I mean.”, Ian continued to ask. “I’m on parole… Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t get very far. Can’t cross state lines and shit!”, Mickey replied and stomped out his cigarette. “So you wanna stay!”, Ian concluded and smiled happily at him. Mickey bit his bottom lip and frowned. Why was the redhead always so quirky? “I guess… I mean my son’s here, got a job I don’t hate, an apartment I can afford, … friends.”, he answered smiling a little to himself. His life wasn’t so bad now! If there wasn’t that box on his nightstand, he might be even happy. 

“Good for you, Mick!”, Ian said honestly, “I’m really happy for you!” Mickey picked up the bottle again and took a big gulp. He looked up and down at the redhead and was once again reminded of how handsome he looked. He was in shape, well dressed, had a stunning smile… Mickey could fall for him again in a second, if he let himself. It would be so easy to pick up where they had left off.

“What about you? What have you been up to since we parted ways?”, Mickey asked to distract himself from his previous thoughts. Ian sighed, his eyes darting the room. “Not much really… I go to therapy regularly now, which helps me a lot. I still work as an EMT as you might have noticed. Still live at home with most of my siblings, although Lip and Debbie have moved out and Fiona and Carl are rarely at home nowadays.” Mickey nodded but his thoughts had already trailed off again. He emptied the beer bottle and approached Ian. The latter straightened himself up from the table when he realized what the man in front of him was up to. 

Mickey’s heart pounded in his chest and all his inner instincts told him to run. Told him that this was a bad idea. Yet, he couldn’t stop himself. He didn’t have it in him right now to hate Ian or to push him away. He wanted to give in to the temptation. Didn’t he deserve a little fun for once?

Despite all fear or rational thought, he grabbed the back of Ian’s head and pulled him down for a gentle kiss, which Ian immediately returned. The redhead held on to Mickey’s hips and pulled him closer. The kiss got hungrier by the minute and soon their hands wandered demandingly over the other man’s body. When Mickey finally broke apart, they both gasped against each other’s lips. He looked up and met Ian’s warm green eyes. He took his hand and dragged him to his room. This might be a stupid idea but why did it feel so damn good then?


	9. Never again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey is struggling with his feelings and Ian's making a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are getting exhausting! A lot of ups and downs again... but I'm almost at the point where I wanna be so just sit tight ;) 
> 
> Thanks again for reading and commenting :)

When Ian woke up the sun was already shining through the window. He was still naked and he took a look around to see where he was. Slowly the memory of last night came back to him. He was at Mickey’s place. He lay in Mickey’s bed. His smell was all around him and it made Ian feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe there was hope for them after all. He had thought that Mickey would push him away again. That Mickey wouldn’t want him anymore but he had been wrong. Obviously Mickey was still very much into him. And that feeling was mutual.

Ever since he had seen him in the ring, Ian knew they were meant to be together. It had suddenly all made sense in his mind. Why his past relationships hadn’t worked out. Why most of his dates had been such a mess. Why the guys had just bored him after a while. They had been simply the wrong guys. It had been Mickey all along. It had always been Mickey and he chose to never let go of him again.

He heard the clicking sound of a lighter next to him and turned his head a little. Mickey was already awake, sitting on the side of his bed in his boxers, smoking. Ian watched him for a moment. It was a peaceful view and he could have spent all day looking at the man of his dreams like that. He sat up and leaned over to Mickey, gently kissing his back. The other man shivered and turned around to him. 

“Sorry, if I woke you up!”, he said quietly. Ian smiled at him and laid a hand on his cheek. He tried to kiss him but Mickey pulled away and stood up from the bed. “I… I can’t do this, Ian! We have to stop!” Ian looked at him confused. “What? Why?”, he asked baffled. “This! You and me! This is not workin’ out for me anymore!”, he replied and gestured between the two. Ian gaped at him. He couldn’t believe the words he had just heard. 

“Mick, what the… I thought we were good?! I mean last night was amazing! It was just like old times!”, he sputtered and got off the bed. Mickey immediately took a step back and held his hands up to stop him from coming closer. “Look, I’m not sayin’ I didn’t have fun last night, okay? This just can’t go any further! I can’t have it right now, alright?”, he replied and Ian gazed at him disappointedly. 

“Right now? Or not ever?”, Ian asked, taking a step towards Mickey again. The latter shook his head. “I don’t see us goin’ anywhere, Ian…”, he answered calmly. Ian’s face fell and he felt like his heart had just been ripped out. “I love you, Mickey! I have always loved you! Why are you doin’ this?” Mickey ran a hand over his face. He felt tears building up in his eyes and he had to stop them from coming. Ian shouldn’t see how hard this was for him.

“I can’t trust you and I can’t depend on you!”, he explained and he saw a tear running down Ian’s cheek. “You can’t be serious?! You could always trust me!” Ian tried to get closer again but Mickey jerked away. “You broke up with me after I opened myself up to you! You never gave a shit when I was in the can and at the border you just ripped my fuckin’ heart out, after you got my hopes up… again! You don’t want me, Ian! You want your freedom and that’s fine! Go for it! But don’t stand here and tell me how much you love me when you’ve proven to me otherwise so many times!”

Ian just stared at him startled. He didn’t expect Mickey’s outburst. Sure, he knew that he had hurt him before but Mickey had just always seemed like he could move on from anything. “Wait… I… I wanna explain that shit to you!”, he stuttered desperately. “What good will that do, Gallagher?”, Mickey sighed, “I still can’t trust you… probably never will again, so spare your breath and just… leave.” 

Mickey had to look away now. Saying the words hurt so much, he wanted to scream but he needed to protect himself. He knew if he got involved with Ian again, he wouldn’t be able to pick up the pieces afterwards this time. He was done being stamped on. He was done being broken. He had something good going for himself right now and he didn’t need Gallagher to tear him apart again.

Ian brushed away his tears and quickly put on his clothes. When he was at the door he held on for a second and turned around to Mickey again. “I’m not giving up on us!”, Ian said firmly, tears still glistening in his eyes, “I’m sorry for all the shit I’ve caused you! I’m sorry that I hurt you but I’m not giving up! I love you, Mick, and I will fight for this!” He opened the door behind him and left Mickey alone in his room. 

Mickey sat back on his bed, laid his head in his hands and started to cry. He wasn’t even aware that Ian had let his room door open. Cat had witnessed the redhead leaving and carefully slipped into Mickey’s room when she saw him cry. She crawled on the bed and hugged him comfortingly from behind without saying anything. Mickey let it happen. He was too tired to push everyone away and it felt good that somebody cared. For once somebody cared.

 

A little later Cat moved beside him, while Mickey just stared at the floor. He lit himself another cigarette and offered it to her after he had taken a deep drag. She took it and quickly felt the soothing effects of the nicotine rushing through her blood. “So, Ian spent the night, huh?”, she asked carefully. Mickey nodded in response and took back the cigarette. “So what happened? Sex wasn’t any good or… ?”, she chuckled and leaned closer. Mickey smiled a little and shook his head. “Nah, Sex was never the problem.”, he said weakly.

“You still pissed, he left you at the border?”, she continued to ask. He tilted his head a little in thought. “It’s complicated…”, he replied and took another drag. “Shall I kick his ass?”, she asked and looked at him dead serious. He met her gaze and they stared at each other for a second before they both cracked up. “I’d really like to see you try!”, Mickey smirked. Cat raised her eyebrows in question. “What? Don’t think I could take him on?”, she asked daringly, “Or is he some sorta ninja like you?” 

They laughed again. “Nah but you’d be dead before the fight even started!”, Mickey chuckled, “The fucker was in the army… or ROTC or whatever…” She took the cigarette from him again. “You clearly underestimate my skills, Milkovich!”, she laughed and took another drag. “Already decided what you do with the ashes?” She pointed to the box on his nightstand. “Don’t mean to be pushy or anythin’ but they creep me out!” That’s when it hit him that he had completely forgotten about Mandy’s number. “Shit!”, he sighed and closed his eyes. Now he had to reach out to Ian again. Would this shit never end?

“What is it?”, she asked confused. He rubbed his eyes. How could he have forgotten the fucking number? Shit! “I forgot to ask Ian about my sister’s number… Fuck!”, he exclaimed and searched for a clean shirt to put on. “You forgot? You sure about that?”, she asked smirking. He grabbed a shirt from the drawer before he turned around to her with a questioning look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”, he asked and pulled the shirt over his head. 

“Johnny did the same thing with Marcia. Pushed her away and than magically found some reason why he had to get in touch with her again!”, she replied calmly, “You don’t think you’re doin’ that with Ian, do you?” Mickey frowned at her. All he wanted was to get in touch with Mandy and Ian was his only chance in doing that. “I just wanna call my sister and tell her our brother died!”, he defended his actions. “I get that man! I totally do! But I also think that maybe unconsciously you still want Ian back in your life! You still wanna be together!”

He thought about her words for a moment. Was he really manipulating himself right now? Even if, he still needed the fucking number. “Jesus, the fuck should I know? I’m no fuckin’ shrink!”, he snorted and grabbed his phone. He would just try to catch Ian at work. That way he could leave whenever he wanted. It would be quick. In and out. Just get the number and leave. Luckily he remembered the station name that was stitched on Ian’s uniform.

\- - - - - - 

A few hours later Mickey stood nervously in front of the station, smoking one cigarette after another. He didn’t know if Ian was even there, he just knew that Ian had mentioned last night, he had to work the next day. He took another deep breath and threw the cigarette away, slowly approaching the entrance of the station.

Inside he saw two women in their uniforms talking. One of them looked familiar. Was she with Ian the night of his fight? He didn’t remember. When she noticed him standing at the entry, she quickly walked towards him. “Can I help you?”, she asked, examining his face thoroughly, “Wait… you’re the fighter from the other night, right? Man, I gotta tell ya, you throw a mean punch! Messed up the other guy real bad!” She laughed a little. “What are ya doin’ here?” 

Mickey sighed and ran a thumb over his lip. “Is Ian Gallagher here?”, he asked insecurely. Her eyes grew big and a smile spread across her face. “Wanna thank him personally, huh?”, she asked and patted his arm. When he didn’t say anything in return, she just pointed behind her. “He’s scrubbing the truck right now. Normally, you wouldn’t be allowed to go in there but I’m makin’ an exception for you! Gallagher’s had a rough couple of weeks! But you’re cute, you might cheer him up a little!” She smiled at him happily, when she patted his arm again and continued with whatever she was doing before.

Mickey slowly approached the back of the station and saw Ian down on all fours inside the ambulance, scrubbing the floor. His heart was pounding up to his throat. What was it with this guy that made him feel like that all the time? “Hey, Gallagher!”, Mickey said feebly. Ian turned around startled, a sponge still in his hand, which was soaked in cleaning water and blood. His face lit up when he saw who had called him. “Mick? Whatcha doin’ here?”, he asked hopeful. Mickey scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. “You still haven’t given me Mandy’s number!”, he answered, trying to avoid his look.

Ian’s smile turned into a serious expression. He nodded and climbed out of the truck, throwing the sponge back in the cleaning water. “Sure… Let me just grab my phone.” He walked over to his locker and opened it. Mickey followed him closely. He leaned his head on one of the lockers opposed to Ian’s and waited for the redhead to find the information in his phone. He watched Ian’s every move and was immediately reminded of last night. How good Ian’s hands had felt on his body. How intense it all had been. It was dangerous for him to be around the redhead. He felt like he had no control over himself. He just wanted to grab him again and press him against the locker.

“There it is!”, Ian said with a low voice, “I sent you the last number she tried to call me with and her e-mail address… but don’t get your hopes up! Last time I heard from her was about two years ago and I wasn’t able to reach her since…” Mickey checked his phone to see if Ian had sent him all the information. There was a text message visible with an unknown number and Mandy’s e-mail address. He nodded slowly. He needed to get out of here now before he did something stupid again. 

“Thanks!”, he said concisely and walked towards the entry door again. “Mick?”, Ian called after him and he stopped in his tracks, turning around to him again, “I’m sorry how it all turned out… I would… I just… shit!” Ian sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Let me make it up to you, please? Let me take you out on a date!”, Ian blurted out. Mickey looked at him confused. Fuck! Stop it Ian! “I… um… “, Mickey stuttered. He had to get out of there. Quick! “Thanks again for the number!”, he said and made his way out of the station, leaving Ian behind. 

That was a close call! He almost gave in again. He really hoped this was the last time he had to deal with Gallagher. It was just exhausting seeing him and pushing him away all the time. He seriously needed to stay away. He took a deep breath in front of the station and lit himself another cigarette to calm his nerves. Mickey tried to stop his thoughts from spinning but there was only one thing he could really think about: Ian had asked him on a date… 

\- - - - - - 

Ian still stood glued to the spot, watching the door Mickey had rushed out of. He knew Mickey couldn’t have meant the words, he had said this morning. He just knew it. He saw it in his eyes and his movements. Mickey still loved him. He just had to convince him that he had changed. He didn’t run anymore and he wanted a life with him. He was ready to commit and to settle down. He just needed to prove it to him. And he would! He wouldn’t let him go again. Never again!


	10. Goodbye, Fuckface!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey has a talk with Cat and finally decides to scatter the ashes of his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally another HIWTHI chapter! I had to take a step back from this fic for a little while because sometimes too much drama is just too exhausting. I really hope you enjoy this one, though! Took me three days to figure it out and write it but I think it turned out okay! Some chapters are just monsters! :D
> 
> Thanks as always for reading, commenting and kudos-ing! I appreciate all your love and support! It makes me really happy that people are so interested in this story, so thank you so much! :)

A day later, Mickey sat on the kitchen floor alone, staring at his phone. Since Mandy’s phone number had been a dead end, he was now trying to phrase an e-mail to his sister. The words didn’t come easy to him and he was also not really in the mood of writing. What was he even supposed to say? ‘Hello, this is your long lost brother, your other brother died and I don’t know what to do with the ashes, please reply?’ That just sounded plain and dumb.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. His thoughts were spinning like crazy. Ian’s words still lingered in his mind and all he could think about were the redhead’s hands on his body. It had felt so good to be this close to him again. It just all magically aligned when they were together. Everything made sense and then his fears interfered again. 

Was he stupid to even hold onto that after the night he had had with Ian? Maybe… but what else was there for him? He couldn’t just let this all control his life again. He needed stability as much as he needed security and he knew Ian couldn’t offer what he needed. Ian could barely offer that for himself, so how was he supposed to give it to Mickey?

Mickey took a deep breath and started typing. ‘Mandy, this is your brother Mickey, please reply as soon as you can. Iggy died.’ He refused to type anything sappy like ‘I need you’ or ‘I’d love to see you’ even though that might be the truth but that just wasn’t their relationship. They had never said those things and they didn’t need to either. He lit himself a cigarette and read the phrases several times before he hit the send button. Now he could just wait again… or not? A new message had popped up immediately: ‘E-mail was undeliverable’. Of fucking course Mandy had deleted her old account. There was no way of reaching her now and he was left alone with his problems again.

He leaned his head back at the fridge and closed his eyes, breathing out slowly through his nostrils. Cat appeared in the kitchen, looking puzzled at him. “Already time for the kitchen floor?”, she asked, a smile playing on her lips. He opened his eyes again and stared up at her. “When is it not time for the kitchen floor, lately?”, he asked in return and took another pull of his cigarette. Cat sat down cross-legged in front of him and took the cigarette from his hand. 

“You can talk to me, okay?”, she said carefully. He frowned at her. “Yeah, like that solves all my problems…”, he scoffed and took back the cigarette. Cat took a deep breath before she started her rant. “I’ve seen people like you before, you know? You always think you can deal with everything yourself! You’re trying to control your emotions to the point where it’s unhealthy because you think everything is reasonable and there’s a clear yes or no for every goddamn situation. Well, I got news for you, Milkovich! Not everything is black or white! And sometimes it’s good if you talk about the things that shake you up! Sometimes it helps you see things clearer afterwards. So Motherfucker talk to me already!”

Mickey looked at her confused for a second before he began to laugh. “You know, you just totally sounded like my sister!”, he chuckled and she smiled back at him. “She’d kick your ass, too if she was here!”, Cat replied, opened up the top drawer of the kitchen counter and took out the weed that was stashed in there. She started grinding the dried plants and proceeded to roll them in a paper. “You don’t even know her!”, Mickey responded and watched her rolling a joint with a smirk on his face. 

“Maybe I don’t but I know I wanna kick your ass sometimes so I guess that other people have the same urge! I’ve been, where you are now and I know a thing or two about it!”, she laughed and lit the joint. Mickey snorted. “Okay, fuckin’ fine! Enlighten me with your wisdom!”, he sighed and took the joint from her. Cat smiled pleased and took a deep breath. 

“I think the way you’re dealing with your brother’s death is kinda unhealthy. I know you said you didn’t have the best of relationships but he was still your brother and you grew up with him! I think you’re just not allowing yourself to feel something out of fear that you might look weak. Even if no one’s lookin’! I believe you when you say you wanna get in touch with your sister again but I also think you just wanna hand the responsibility of dealing with this whole shit show to her now so you don’t have to! You’d rather take care of a grieving sister than take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve for a moment!”

Mickey gazed at her thoughtfully. Maybe she had a point there. He had never even thought about it that way. Cat took another deep breath and continued. “And this whole thing with Ian… Actually, I don’t wanna get involved in all this because I know it’s a sensitive topic to you but maybe you could get around to the idea that he has changed, too? That you’re not the only one that’s different? Maybe the reasons why he left you before aren’t valid anymore? I mean, I’ve seen you talk about the guy and I know he has caused you a lot of pain but he has also shown you love. And freedom! I know this sounds stupid but finding a love like that is rare. Being gay on South Side is tough but finding that certain someone just makes it all so much easier. And I know you want to be with him but somehow you just tell yourself you don’t, which causes that stupid frown on your face all the fuckin’ time! So for your own sanity… please just talk to Ian and figure this shit out!”

Mickey took a deep drag of the joint and let the words sink in for a moment. “Aren’t you a little know-it-all!”, he chuckled and she slapped his arm in return, smirking. They both laughed for a while before Mickey handed the joint back to her and stood up. “What now?”, she asked confused. Mickey looked down at her with red eyes and smirked. “We’re goin’ on a funeral!”

\- - - - - - 

Cat and Mickey picked up John from work and jumped on the L. Mickey had the ashes of his brother tucked into his coat together with a bottle of vodka. He was watching the houses passing by as he suddenly took out his phone. This might be a stupid idea but he didn’t care anymore. Whatever Cat had said to him before somehow made sense. He texted a quick message and put the phone back in his pocket. Even though all of his inner instincts screamed, it weirdly felt right at the same time.

“So, where are we goin’?”, John asked, when they hadn’t said anything for a while. “To a funeral!”, both Cat and Mickey simultaneously replied and started laughing again. “Okay… but where are we goin’?”, he asked again. “Don’t worry about it! I know the place!”, Mickey answered, feeling his phone buzzing in his pocket. He took a quick glance at it and smirked at the reply before he put it away again. Was it weird that his heart leaped by the thought of going to a funeral? Or maybe not a real funeral but rather scattering the earthly remains of his brother across South Side. However one might call that. 

They got off the L and walked a few feet below the rails to a couple of stacked wooden pallets. Some of them leaned on the pillar of the bridge and there were bullet holes in them. Mickey climbed on the stashed pallets and sat down, pulling out a cigarette. “Now what?”, John asked while Cat sat next to Mickey. “We wait!”, Mickey answered, dangling his feet from the pallets, while smoking his cigarette. He didn’t feel the slightest bit sad. If anything he was excited. Like for the first time in weeks he knew what he was doing.

“Waited long?”, a familiar voice asked behind them and they all turned their heads in that direction. Ian looked up at Mickey insecurely. “Nah, just got here!”, he replied and stood up. He pointed at his two roommates and said: “Cat, John, Ian!” Introducing them all. Ian smiled shyly at the siblings not really knowing what to do. “So… what are we doing?”, Ian asked unsure of what to make of the situation. “We’re having a funeral!”, Cat replied, which made Ian look even more puzzled. 

“A funeral? Here?”, he asked again. Mickey nodded and took another deep drag from his cigarette. “Yeah, don’t you remember the place?”, he asked, blowing out smoke through his nostrils. Ian looked around. “Didn’t you use to shoot your gun here?”, he asked. Mickey nodded. “Yup, before the neighbors complained and had me walk all the fuckin’ way to the empty warehouses!”, he answered throwing his cigarette away.

“You wanna scatter your brother’s ashes where you used to shoot your gun?”, John asked baffled. Mickey smirked. “No, I wanna scatter my brother’s ashes where he taught me how to use one!”, he responded and a knowing look appeared on all of their faces. “Milkoviches are fucked up!”, John remarked, chuckling. “You have no idea!”, Mickey replied and opened his coat to pull out the ashes. He jumped down from the pallets and looked for the direction of the wind so he wouldn’t cover them in Iggy’s remains. He carefully opened the little carton box and looked inside. There was no indication that the inside of a box had ever been a human being. They just looked like plain ashes but something in Mickey’s head clicked when he stared down at it. 

Ian stepped to his side and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Wanna say a few words?”, he asked and looked at the ashes as well. Mickey swallowed and shook his head in response. “No, there’s nothin’ to say…”, he replied quietly. The box suddenly felt really heavy in his hands and his chest started to tighten. Cat and John stepped to his other side and Cat leaned her head on his other shoulder. “You can do it!”, she whispered in his ear. He nodded in response, took a deep breath and tilted the carton in his hands. The ashes got carried away by the wind quickly and the little box was empty in a heartbeat. 

“Goodbye, Fuckface!”, Mickey whispered and then pulled out the vodka bottle from his coat. He opened it, spilled a little on the ground and then took a big gulp before he gave it to Cat who did the same thing, as did John and even Ian. Mickey looked at him with raised eyebrows. “You didn’t have to, you know?”, he said worriedly but Ian just shrugged. “Yeah but I wanted to!”, he replied and smiled at him. Mickey snorted but returned the smile. It was good that he was here. It felt safe and right. He would figure the rest out later. For now, a heavy weight was off his shoulders and somehow it was a relieve to have finally said goodbye. Even though it wasn’t a long or very emotional one, Mickey felt like he could finally move on with his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next stop: Ian and Mickey talk... again! Let's see how that goes!
> 
> Thank you :)


	11. If you want me here...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian, Mickey and Mickey's roomies have a little party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the new chapter!
> 
> Thanks for reading!

“So, what’s the deal with us sittin’ on the fuckin’ floor when there’s a perfectly good table and chairs right there?”, Ian asked, gesturing towards the kitchen table. Cat laughed. “The kitchen floor is safe ground!”, she smirked, passing a joint to him. Ian took it from her and inhaled deeply. “You’ll get it when you try to stand up!”, John laughed, reaching out his hand for the joint. Ian gave it to him and smiled silly at Mickey. 

Mickey had been very quiet since they had entered the apartment. He leaned at the refrigerator, the almost empty vodka bottle next to him. His facial expression gave Ian no indication if he was happy, sad or angry. He just looked like he was drowning in his own thoughts while he watched the others smoking Cat’s weed. “Hey, grumpy face!”, Cat yelled and kicked his feet lightly. Startled he turned his head to her and frowned. “What are ya overthinkin’ again, huh?”, she asked and chuckled, “Smoke some fuckin’ weed and relax already!”

Mickey said nothing in return but grabbed the joint, John was offering him, and took a deep drag. Ian watched his every move. How he inhaled and breathed out smoke through his nostrils. Holding the joint between his tattooed knuckles. The cast on his arm. The slowly fading bruises on his face and hands. His short dark hair and finally his bright blue eyes that always seemed to shine. Ian’s eyes locked with Mickey’s for a brief moment before he quickly looked away. Ian wasn’t sure but he felt like he was blushing.

Mickey’s text had come out of nowhere and Ian had been really surprised about it. He didn’t quite know how he should interpret Mickey’s actions right now. Did he just invite him because he had known Iggy as well or was there more behind it? Did he really want him here or was it too much already? Why hadn’t he talked since they arrived here? Was he pissed that he had just tagged along? 

Ian felt how the weed made his limbs heavy and he finally understood why they all sat on the kitchen floor instead of the chairs. If they had been sitting on the chairs, they would have floated to the ground by now. He needed to do or say something before his eyes decided to join his limbs and fell asleep. One gulp from the vodka bottle and one drag from the joint was enough for him to knock him out apparently. His meds just made him a lightweight.

“Remember that summer when you and Iggy pulled that moving truck scam?”, Ian asked Mickey. The corner of Mickey’s mouth immediately twitched up and turned into a smile which made Ian feel a lot lighter. “Dude… that was like… dude…”, Mickey started to giggle and Ian joined in. John and Cat gazed confused at the two goofballs. “What moving truck scam?”, Cat asked, rolling another joint.

“Um… well, we basically loaded a stolen truck with furniture of some dumb rich fucks and… and then we sold it to the highest bidder!”, Mickey answered, chuckling, “Was quite profitable but some douchebag ratted us out and we had to stop…” Cat simply shook her head at him. “You guys stopped at nothing, huh?” Mickey shrugged in return. “Better than busting your balls at a nine to five job!”, he replied and smirked at her. 

“What did your brother do for a living… I mean besides robbing people?”, John asked interestedly. Mickey snorted. “Sold drugs and guns since I can remember… was his own best customer most of the time!”, he answered and took the joint Cat offered to him. “He used to beat up and threaten people, too!”, Ian added and laughed. “Jesus! Really charming guy, your brother!”, Cat scoffed and Mickey shrugged again. 

“He was… uh… I guess he was just a victim of his surroundings. I mean our dad never taught us anything besides that shit and I don’t even remember his mom… think she is dead or somethin’. Also I hate to say it but Iggy wasn’t exactly the brightest bulb in the box! Can’t blame him for never gettin’ his life together! Shit, if I hadn’t gone to prison or to fuckin’ Mexico I would’ve never gotten my shit together either! Would probably lie dead in a ditch somewhere just like him…”

Mickey’s face turned serious again and he kept staring at his feet. He took the vodka bottle and emptied it in one go, before he put it back on the floor and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Need some air!”, he slurred and stood up. He staggered to the kitchen window and climbed out on the fire escape followed by the puzzled gaze of the remaining three.

Cat looked at Ian and nodded towards the window. “You go!”, she whispered and Ian nodded. He tried to stand up himself but staggered even more than Mickey. He held onto the chair behind him to gain some stability before he made his way to the window himself. 

The cold air was biting his skin but it also sobered him up a little. Mickey sat on the grid of the fire escape and let his feet dangle while he smoked a cigarette and stared into the distance. Ian took a seat next to him, careful not to look down, since they were pretty far up and let his feet dangle just like Mickey. “Miss Iggy?”, he asked to start the conversation. Mickey snorted. “Didn’t miss the fucker the past few years, don’t miss him now!”, he replied, taking a drag from his cigarette. Ian nodded, not sure what to respond to that. 

“It’s just…”, Mickey began thoughtfully, “I wonder if it had made a difference, if I had reached out to him before… you know, when I got out and all! Like… could I have prevented that shit or would he have even been in that fuckin’ situation?” Ian laid an arm around Mickey’s shoulders, feeling very confident all of a sudden. Sensitive Mickey was rare sight and he had the urge to protect him at all costs. To his surprise Mickey didn’t shake off his arm or even flinch, he just let it happen.

“It wouldn’t have changed anything!”, Ian said quietly, “Last time I saw Iggy was a year ago and he didn’t look so good back then! It’s not your fault that he was usin’! Shit, none of this is your fault!” Mickey tilted his head a little and looked Ian straight in the eye. Ian could see that he was biting the insides of his cheeks as if he was unsure what to do. He put his hand on the back of Mickey’s head and pulled him closer. 

He stopped right before their lips touched and stared into his eyes again. These beautiful blue eyes. His heart was pounding fast in his chest when Mickey closed the distance between them, kissing him tenderly. Mickey touched his cheek with one hand, while the hand in the cast stroke his back softly. Ian felt a mix of indescribable joy and regret bubbling up in him. He didn’t regret the kiss or being that close to Mickey again. No, he regretted the way, he had treated that beautiful man in front of him in the past. He needed to make it up to him somehow.

When they pulled apart Mickey kept his forehead pressed to Ian’s. “Mick… I need to… God, I’m really sorry for the way I treated you! I… You deserved so much better! Lemme just explain why I… You know, what happened!”, Ian stuttered but Mickey just gazed at him calmly. “Not today Firecrotch! I don’t wanna think about that shit today! Let’s just go to bed!”, he sighed tiredly. Ian swallowed and nodded in return. 

They both got up and went back inside. Cat and John must’ve gone to their rooms already since they weren’t in the kitchen anymore. Ian shivered from the cold air when Mickey closed the window behind them. Mickey walked a few quick steps and hugged Ian tightly, pressing their warm bodies together. He breathed in his scent and buried his face in the taller man’s shoulder. “Thank you for bein’ here!”, he mumbled. Ian pressed a soft kiss on Mickey’s neck and replied: “Anytime!”

When Mickey let go of Ian, he pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes to stop the tears from coming. “You can stay here if you like…”, Mickey suggested in a hoarsely voice. Ian gave him a big smile. A sensitive Mickey was a cute Mickey, and a shy one, too! “If you want me here…”, Ian replied, taking the other man’s hand in his. Mickey swallowed and nodded before he dragged Ian by their entangled hands to his room. Ian wasn’t sure how long this part of Mickey would be open to him but he would sure as hell enjoy it as long as it lasted.


	12. Don't make me regret this!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Iggy's "funeral" Ian and Mickey get to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is: The talk! I hope you guys like it!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! :)

When Ian woke up, Mickey was still asleep next to him. He looked so peaceful, lying on his belly with his eyes closed. His left hand rested on Ian’s hip as if he didn’t want him to leave. Last night had been so different from the last time he had been here. The first time had been hungry and lustful. This time was a lot more tender and loving. Ian knew that he couldn’t mention that to anyone and Mickey would probably deny it until the day he died. Ian smiled, thinking about last night. It was a shame that no one besides him ever saw that side of Mickey. People would look at him differently if they could see through this mask, he always put up for protection. 

Looking at Mickey like that, Ian hoped that he hadn’t changed his mind about him being here. That he wouldn’t push him away again. He had every right to do so, Ian knew that but he really wanted a chance to talk to him. To explain to him what was going on back then. Why he had acted the way he had acted. It had not been an easy decision to end it with Mickey or to not cross the border with him. It had been as painful for Ian as it must’ve been for Mickey. However, things had changed. They had changed. At least that’s what Ian hoped. 

Mickey murmured something and shifted closer to Ian, laying his head next to Ian’s shoulder. Ian took the opportunity and turned around to him, placing his hand softly on Mickey’s cheek and kissed his forehead. Sleepily, Mickey opened his eyes and looked at Ian. When he realized who it was that woke him up, he smiled and relieve flooded Ian’s body. 

“You’re so sappy, Gallagher!”, he mumbled and closed his eyes again, still smiling. Ian counted that as invitation and laid an arm around him. In a sudden attempt, Mickey took his arm, pulled him on top of himself and started to kiss him slowly. “Mmh, morning breath…”, he chuckled when they pulled apart. “Irresistible!”, Ian commented and laughed. Mickey ran hand down Ian’s body and squeezed his ass. “Ready for another round, army?”, he asked, a silly smile playing on his face. Ian returned the smile and rubbed their noses together. 

“Had something else in mind actually…”, he smirked and Mickey frowned at him. “Something else?”, he repeated, “Like what?” Ian cupped his face, hoping his suggestion would not kill the mood. “Like a date?”, he said and Mickey laughed again. “A date? In the morning?”, he asked quizzically. “Breakfast date!”, Ian replied, glad that the man underneath him was still smiling. “You’d rather have a breakfast date with me than fuck me stupid?”, Mickey clarified, chuckling. 

“Yeah…”, Ian replied insecurely. Now here it came. Mickey would be angry and throw him out. He knew it. God, why did he have to make such a stupid suggestion? Why couldn’t he have just be happy with the way things were? 

Mickey gazed at him for a moment. “Uh… Where’d wanna go?”, he asked which left Ian baffled. He started to laugh in response, happy that he had been wrong again. “Hey, Giggles we don’t have all day!”, Mickey grunted, smiling. “Um actually I don’t know… Is there a diner around?”, Ian asked when he had stopped laughing. “Jesus, Cinderella it’s your date and now you want me to pick the fuckin’ diner?”, Mickey mocked him, which made Ian laugh again. “Okay, okay you got me! I didn’t plan anything in advance… Just thought it might be a nice idea since I have to work tonight!”, Ian replied, chuckling, “Maybe get us a chance to talk?”

Mickey flipped him around so Ian lay on his back now. “Not in the mood for talkin’!”, Mickey replied and started kissing him again. Ian decided to give in this time. Morning sex was a lot better than a morning date… at least under these circumstances. Maybe they could talk later. They would definitely talk later. 

\- - - - - - 

Of course the morning date didn’t happen. By the time they were done discovering each other’s bodies it was noon. They lay on their backs and stared at the ceiling. Ian turned his head towards Mickey. “I don’t wanna lose you again!”, he whispered and entangled their hands together, “I want us to be us again! I want us to be a couple!” Mickey sighed and pulled his hand away. He sat up on the side of the bed and lit himself a cigarette.

“I don’t know…”, he replied and rubbed his eyes. Ian sat up himself and moved next to him. “I have changed!”, Ian tried to argue, “I’m goin’ to therapy, take my meds… all that shit! I have my life figured out now!” Mickey raised his eyebrows. “Really? And what if you decide I’m trash again, huh? That I’m not good for you anymore? I don’t think you can make any promises, Ian! As fucked up as this is, you simply can’t!”, he stated firmly.

Ian took a deep breath. “I… I never thought you were trash! That’s not the reason why I left!”, he replied calmly. “Then tell me the fuckin’ reason! Tell my why you never gave a shit about me when it was inconvenient for you! Tell me why it’s supposed to be different now!”, Mickey demanded starting to get angry. “I couldn’t go with you to Mexico ‘cause I couldn’t trade the stable life I had built with that kind of uncertainty…”, Ian tried to explain. “Bullshit!”, Mickey interrupted him, “You think I couldn’t have cared for you? Like I didn’t have any plan for us there? I probably read more about your stupid disease than you! I could have provided that stability!” 

“It wasn’t just that, Mick!”, Ian continued, “The closer we got to the border the more I felt like I was acting like my mother! I had just taken off with you without telling anyone! I left everything behind! And my siblings weren’t in the best place either! I needed to be here with my family! I couldn’t leave them alone!”

Mickey stood up from the bed, still smoking his cigarette. He looked at Ian thoughtfully. “You needed to be here… with your boyfriend!”, he resumed quietly, taking another pull. Ian frowned at him. “No… I… No! He was never the reason I came back here!” Mickey closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead in thought. 

“Alright fine! Whatever your reasons were why you couldn’t come with me and all that… but what’s different now? The simple fact that I live here again is enough for you to start our relationship all over? That’s a little shallow, don’t ya think? But hey, it’s convenient for you! It’s just so fuckin’ convenient!” 

“Oh, you think back in the day I was just with you because it was convenient? It fuckin’ wasn’t! It never had been! If I had settled for convenient, I would have stayed with Ned or some other geriatric viagroid, as you used to call them! That would have been convenient! Not stickin’ with you and gettin’ beat up by your piece of shit of a father!”

Mickey took a deep breath and kept staring at him angrily. “You can’t deny that thing between us!”, Ian continued and stood up as well, “I never had that kind of chemistry with anyone but you! And I know for a fact that you feel the same way!”, he slowly walked towards Mickey, “I know I hurt you in the past and I’m very sorry about that, trust me, but I am different now! My life is good and stable and I want you to be part of it again! I know you love me, too! We belong together!” Mickey crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked away. “The fuck we do!”, he mumbled, looking out the window. Ian was now only inches apart from him. 

“I’m not leaving again! I have changed and so have you! We’re better now!”, Ian tried to convince him but Mickey flinched. “Yeah we have changed… don’t mean I can trust you, though!” Ian grabbed his shoulders and made Mickey face him. “I love you! We can figure this out! I will fight for you this time! That’s what’s different now!” Mickey looked up at him, trying to work out if Ian meant it. The redhead stared back at him as if that would prove anything. He sighed and pulled away from Ian. 

He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and took a few deep breaths. “I don’t know…”, he said quietly and stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray on his nightstand. He let himself fall back on the bed and stared at the ceiling again. Ian stood in the middle of the room, uncertain of what to do next. “I love you!”, he emphasized again. “Whatever man… I’m too tired for this shit!”, Mickey replied and ran a hand over his face. 

Ian had had it. He needed to know if there was hope for them or not and he needed to know that now. He was tired, too. Tired of being alone and tired of hoping for things to change. He walked over to the bed and gazed down at Mickey. “Go on a date with me!”, he demanded and looked firmly into his eyes. The man on the bed stared up at him, thinking. “You’re a stubborn fuck, Gallagher!”, he remarked but a slight smile flitted across his face.

Ian interpreted that positively and climbed on the bed on Mickey. The latter stroke his legs absentmindedly while he had his eyes closed. Ian leaned down and hovered over the other man’s face. “So you go on a date with me?!”, he asked again. Mickey raised his eyebrows but kept his eyes shut. “Not sayin’ no to free food!”, he scoffed and Ian slapped his arm slightly. “You could make it sound more romantic!”, Ian teased and Mickey began to smile. “And you could fuck right off!”, he replied jokingly. 

Ian pressed their lips together and was relieved when Mickey returned the kiss, grabbing the back of his head. When they pulled apart Mickey continued to gaze at him thoughtfully. “Don’t make me regret this!”, he whispered and Ian suddenly saw the same vulnerability in his eyes he had already witnessed last night. He quickly shook his head. “You won’t!”, he said and he meant it. He honestly meant it. He would make sure of it as good as he could. He couldn’t lose him again. And he wouldn’t!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We officially enter the dating-phase now :D


	13. Anticipation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian and Mickey prepare themselves for their first real date together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so much fun to write! If they were all just that easy...  
> I really hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did!
> 
> As always thanks for reading :)

“Wow! Lookin’ sharp!”, Fiona chirped when she passed the bathroom Ian was in, getting ready for his first real date with Mickey. “What’s the occasion?”, she asked, leaning in the door frame. “Got a date!”, Ian replied shortly, running a hand through his hair for the fiftieth time that night. Everything needed to be perfect. He needed to be perfect!

“Really?”, she asked again, smiling widely, “Thought you said you don’t wanna date anymore…” Ian finally decided that his hair looked good and straightened his button down shirt in front of the mirror, gazing at himself. “Yeah… the guy’s kinda special!”, Ian answered, smiling back at her. “Well, who is it? Someone I know?”, she continued to question him. 

Ian knew that question would come and that he would have to tell his siblings eventually that he dated Mickey Milkovich again. He also knew that they probably wouldn’t be too happy about it. Even though they all once seemed to get along, especially Fiona and Lip had always wished for him to date someone ‘better’, someone more ‘stable’. 

“It’s Mickey!”, Ian responded, waiting for Fiona to tear him a new one. “Mickey?”, she repeated confused, before something suddenly clicked in her head, “Wait, you don’t mean Mickey Milkovich, do you?” Ian turned around to face her, trying to look as serious as he could. “I love him, Fiona! It has always been him!”, he replied, hoping to sound convincing. She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. “Oh Ian, I hope you know what you’re doin’!”

“He’s changed, Fi! He’s workin’ as a coach at a martial arts center now! He’s walkin’ the line! If there had ever been a good time for us to be together it is now!”, Ian said firmly. Fiona sighed and shook her head. “So he’s asked you out?”, she asked again with raised eyebrows. “No… I asked him!”, he replied shyly, “Had to convince him to give me a second chance…” Fiona gaped at him. “In what universe did you have to ask for a second chance?”

Ian rolled his eyes. “You know that I’m not a saint! I pulled some real fucked up shit! And I hurt him… a lot!” Fiona shook her head disbelievingly. “Don’t beat yourself up about that too much! You have a disease! It’s not like you could be held accountable for that!”, she replied, cupping his face comfortingly. Ian pulled away. “Stop that shit! I’m not a fuckin’ child! I’m as responsible for my actions as is everybody else! Mickey didn’t deserve the way I treated him and I’m trying to make it up to him because I love him! I really really do! Please just accept that!”

Ian tried to push her out of the way to leave the bathroom but instead of stepping aside she hugged him tightly. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you! I’m just worried about you! I know that none of us know Mickey the way you do!”, she apologized and she sounded like she meant it. “It’s okay…”, Ian replied when they pulled apart, “I just… I would appreciate it, if you could be nice to him, if I ever bring him home… you know, not let him feel that you don’t like him.” 

Fiona nodded smiling. “I’m trying my very best to like him, you know, if your date is successful and all!” Ian returned her smile. “Thanks, Fi!” She ran her hands up and down his shoulders, looking at him warily. “Just be careful, okay? Don’t let yourself get pulled into some shit, alright?”, she added. Ian nodded assuringly, before she stepped out of the way and he walked down the stairs to the kitchen. 

Debbie stood in front of the fridge, looking for something to eat, a growing baby bump under her heart. She looked up when she heard him coming down the stairs and smiled. “Lookin’ good!”, she complimented him. “Thanks!”, he replied concisely. “Got a date?”, she asked happily and he nodded. “Good for you! Who is it?”

Ian was nervous enough as it was without all of his siblings telling him that it’s a bad idea to date Mickey again. He just hoped Debbie would react a little less hostile since she always seemed to kind of like Mickey. “Uh… Mickey! I have a date with Mickey!”, he answered truthfully and her smile widened. “Seriously?”, she asked, raising her eyebrows the same way Fiona did before. Ian shrugged and nodded. “Well, that’s so great!”, she cheered and flung her arms around him.

Confused Ian returned the hug. Pregnant Debbie seemed to be in a great mood lately. “Really? You’re not worried or anythin’?”, he asked suspiciously. She quickly shook her head. “I know that Fiona and Lip always thought he was just some thug that deluded you but I think you guys were great together! He’s really caring! Sure, he could be more polite sometimes but he’s good at the core!” 

Debbie’s words really made Ian feel better. He didn’t know that she thought about Mickey that way but it was comforting. He hugged his little sister again. “Thanks, Debbs!”, he mumbled in her ear. “Anytime!”, she replied happily and placed a hand on her belly. “You’re doin’ good there?”, Ian asked worriedly. She smiled again and nodded. “Yeah! Jake’s already built a crib for the little monster! I hope she’ll be easier to handle than Franny!” Ian chuckled at that remark. “Yeah I don’t think it can get any worse than Franny in her early stages!”

He looked at the clock on the kitchen wall. It was time for him to go, if he didn’t want to be late. “I gotta go! Thanks again Debbs! You made me feel a lot better!”, he told his sister before he hugged her and left the house. He walked to his car and sat behind the wheel. One deep breath and he started the engine. His heart started to pound faster in his chest the closer he got to Mickey’s apartment. 

\- - - - - - 

“Get outta my fuckin’ hair bitch!”, Mickey yelled at Cat, who desperately tried to make him presentable. “Just let me put in some wax! It’ll look a lot better, trust me! You wanna look nice for your date, don’t cha?”, she tried to convince him. He rolled his eyes at her. “Never should’ve told ya in the first place!”, he replied but let her have her way. She quickly warmed up the wax between her fingers and ran her hands through his hair again to tame whatever hairstyle he claimed to have.

“Hey, if it hadn’t been for me you wouldn’t even look as hot as you’re doin’ right now! So be nice and stop fighting!”, she said admonishingly, looking at him while she styled his hair. “I didn’t look that bad before!”, he defended himself but she just snorted. “Really? You think?”, she scoffed, “Tell him, Johnny!”

John looked away quickly, clearly uncomfortable with the sudden attention. “Well… you looked like…”, he began hesitantly. “Looked like what?”, Mickey asked impatiently. “Like… you just got outta prison and never bought new clothes!”, he answered stuttering. Mickey raised his eyebrows quickly. “I just got outta prison, you dick!”, he replied and flipped him off. John held up his hands defensively. “That was six months ago… and you haven’t bought new clothes, yet!”, he responded and Mickey gave him a murderous look.

“Fuck you is what I bought!”, Mickey exclaimed and Cat slapped his arm. “Be nice!”, she reminded him, “Just because you’re nervous doesn’t mean you get us to treat like shit!” He scowled at her. “Who said I’m nervous?! Fuck you!” She slapped his arm again. “Shut up! Or I’ll mess up your hair again!” He rolled his eyes at her but kept quiet. They were right. He was fucking nervous. And he should be thankful that they helped him get dressed. He would never admit it but the few shirts he owned were kind of shitty and absolutely not fit for a date. Especially not a date with Ian. 

Cat took a step back and looked at him up and down. He raised his eyebrows impatiently. “And? Am I presentable now?”, he asked gazing at both of them. Cat tilted her head but smiled. John nodded. “Lookin’ good!”, he remarked and Mickey sighed with relief. “Good thing you and Johnny have the same size! His shirt’s lookin’ really fuckin’ good on you!”, Cat stated and nodded approvingly. John smirked. “Not sure about the same size thing but it definitely looks good on you!”, he added comfortingly. 

“Great, thanks!”, Mickey forced himself to say. He wasn’t in the mood of chit-chatting anymore. Not when Ian Gallagher was on his way over to pick him up. He had never thought he could get that nervous about dinner but somehow this whole thing with him had gotten real big in his head. Maybe because he really meant what he had said? That he wanted to be a couple again? Mickey was careful with getting his hopes up. Even though he really wanted to believe Gallagher there was still that little piece of doubt in him that held him back.

“Relax, man! It’s just dinner! And you guys already banged, so what’s the big fuss? Not like there’s any anticipation there… We all know how this date’ll end: You moaning in the fuckin’ mattress when pretty Ian…”, Cat babbled before Mickey interrupted her. “Just shut up!” She laughed in response. “All I’m sayin’ is, you don’t have to worry about a single thing, okay? You guys know each other! I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? You don’t get hard because you had too much wine or what?” ‘He could rip my fuckin’ heart out again and eat it in front of me!’, Mickey thought to himself.

He rolled his eyes at her again, trying to contain the last bit of patience he had left. “I’m waitin’ downstairs!”, he mumbled, grabbed his jacket and moved towards the door. “Oh come on, Mick! I was just jokin’! Don’t worry about it, alright?”, she yelled after him as he left the apartment and closed the door behind him. Maybe he could have a smoke in front of the building before Ian would pick him up. That should calm his nerves. After all it was Ian. His Ian. They should be alright, right? …Right?


	14. Some things never change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian and Mickey are on their first date together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The date! Hope you like it :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!

When Mickey saw Ian’s shitty little Ford pull up in front of him, his heart made a jump. He had a strange feeling in his chest. One side of him had been looking forward to this date, the other had just wanted to run. But when Gallagher stopped the engine and got out of the car with the biggest smile on his face he could offer, Mickey couldn’t help but melt. Ian looked incredibly hot. He had always been good-looking but tonight he had really outdone himself.

Mickey returned the smile when Ian came around the car and hugged him tightly. He was glad he hadn’t made any attempt to kiss him. That would have been an awkward start for a first date. That kind of intimacy was reserved for the bedroom not for the fucking street.

“Hey you!”, Ian said happily, “Ready to go?” Mickey nodded and they both got in the car. It felt weird to Mickey that he was the one who got picked up. He didn’t have a car or anything so it had never been an option for him to pick Ian up but somehow it made him feel like a girl. Then again it was Ian’s date and that way he could at least drink.

“How’s work?”, Ian tried to start the conversation, after they had said nothing for a while. “Fine, I guess…”, Mickey replied, “You?” Ian shrugged. “Same…”, he chuckled and pulled over to a parking spot in front of an Italian restaurant. The whole situation just felt awkward. They had never been that tense around each other. They always knew what to talk about but right now it just seemed like Mickey’s mind had been wiped clean and he wasn’t able to start or keep up a conversation.

They entered the restaurant, which looked a lot fancier from the inside than Mickey had expected. Where the hell had Ian taken him? He was suddenly grateful that Cat had dressed and styled him. If he had come here in his shitty old shirt, they surely wouldn’t have let him in. Nevertheless, he felt like he didn’t belong here. All these rich, well-dressed people around him made him look like a total fraud. 

Ian must’ve noticed his discomfort as he started gazing at him worriedly. “You okay?”, he asked, “Too fancy?” Mickey tried to swallow down his stupid fears and shook his head. He didn’t want to ruin the date before it had even started and he didn’t want to disappoint Gallagher since he had put so much effort into it. He shook his head. “Nah… ‘s alright!”, he replied quietly. A waiter approached them and Ian quickly stated his name of reservation before they were lead to a small table for two.

Mickey kept his hands hidden behind his back so he wouldn’t earn any condescending looks from the waiter or the other people in the restaurant. Clearly no one in there had their knuckles tattooed but him and he didn’t want to embarrass Ian. They sat down at the table and Ian smiled shyly at him. “I’m sure they have steak here! Might even get it raw if you ask!”, he laughed. Mickey frowned but again couldn’t help but return the smile. “You remembered that?”, he asked. “Course I do!”, Ian replied, “Our date that never happened…” His smile turned into a thoughtful expression. They both knew what had happened instead of their date back then. The incident that had started it all.

They looked down at their menus again in silence. No one wanted to talk about it and that was fine. It didn’t need to be talked about! Mickey sighed at the food choices. He expected Pizza and Pasta but the menu was just filled with stuff he didn’t understand. What the hell was a Vitello Tonnato? That didn’t even sound edible. 

Ian watched him while he tried to figure out the menu and smiled again. “Do you know what any of this stuff here means?”, he asked and Mickey’s eyes focused on him not sure if he was asking or mocking him. “Don’t tell me you know all that shit!”, he said quietly. Ian laughed and covered his eyes with his hand. “I’m sorry I was trying to impress you but it backfired… I have no fuckin’ clue what that all means!”, Ian chuckled. Mickey laughed relieved that he wasn’t the only dumb fuck in this place. “Impress? You fuckin’ scared the shit outta me with that fancy place!”

“Sorry! Shall we go somewhere else?”, Ian asked embarrassed. “Sure, maybe somewhere where I can get a cheeseburger or a goddamn steak?”, Mickey replied and Ian nodded. They stood up and left the restaurant without another word to the waiter. They walked two blocks down the street before they settled for a little diner that served cheeseburgers.

“Much better!”, Mickey sighed when he read the menu. Ian laughed again. “I should’ve checked the place out first before we went there! I’m really sorry, Mick!”, Ian apologized again, smiling shyly at him. “Yeah, yeah stop apologizing dumbass! Just glad I get something to eat I actually understand now!”, Mickey scoffed and they both had to laugh. The waitress came and took their orders. She eyed them suspiciously because they were clearly overdressed for such a small diner but they didn’t care. They were lost in each other. Finally. The tension was gone and they could enjoy their time together.

“You went on a lotta those dates?”, Mickey asked curiously and Ian blushed a little. “Um… some. Why’d you ask?” Mickey shrugged, smirking. “Dunno… Just wonderin’ if you always took your guys to such fancy places, where you couldn’t even read the menu.” Ian rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “You know, actually the guys always took me…”, he replied carefully and Mickey raised his eyebrows. “I’m the first one you asked?”

Ian chuckled uncomfortably. “Yeah, seems like it!” Mickey began to laugh. “Jesus Gallagher, make me feel like a virgin all over again!” Ian joined in the laugh, relieved that Mickey took it all so lightly. A few years ago he would’ve been pissed and angry about him dating other guys but he seemed to be a lot calmer these days. “You’re not jealous?”, Ian asked insecurely. “The fuck I have to be jealous about? Not like you’re dating anybody else right now, do ya?”, Mickey asked again, trying to sound casual but he really needed to know. Ian shook his head.

“Nope… do you?”, he asked in return. Mickey blushed a little even though he had nothing to worry about. “Nah, don’t have the time! Your crazy ass is more than enough!”, he answered truthfully. They both laughed again before the waitress came and brought their food. “Now what did your guys talk about when you were on a date with them?”, Mickey asked after taking a bite from his cheeseburger. Ian shrugged. “Dunno… stuff! Usually work related… but the last couple of dates I had were awful! Guy’s just kept talkin’ about their shitty lives as if I had no problems on my own!”

Mickey chuckled, shoving fries in his mouth. Ian picked up his cheeseburger and took a big bite. “You ever been on a date before?”, he asked after he swallowed. Mickey raised an eyebrow thinking about the various one night stands he had had in the past years since Ian had left him. “Never!”, he replied shortly. “Really? Never?”, Ian asked surprised, “Not even in Mexico?” Mickey shook his head and continued to eat. “No one you were closer with?”, Ian added.

Mickey paused to think. Mexico had been lonely for him. The closest he got with someone had been Miguel and he was dead now. No friends there and certainly no lovers except for quick fucks behind the bar. No kisses. No tenderness. No strings attached. However, it was not like he had wanted it any other way.

“Not really!”, he replied thoughtfully. Ian’s eyes widened surprised. “Sorry to hear that…”, he said quietly, staring at his food. Mickey waved his hand. “Stop apologizing already! Not like I’m still there!” Ian nodded. “Yeah I just can’t help but feel responsible for it all… I mean… I always wondered how our lives would have been, if I had gone to Mexico with you!” “I’d rather not go there…”, Micky responded and started picking at his food. Ian raised his eyebrows. “Listen you made your decision and that’s fine now, okay? Let’s just move on! And for God’s sake please stop apologizing!”, Mickey added and Ian nodded silently.

“How was Mexico for you… I mean how was your life there?”, Ian asked all of a sudden. Mickey looked at his half-eaten cheeseburger before he replied: “Lonely!” He took another big bite and swallowed. If Ian wanted to hear it, he could might as well tell him. “Didn’t do much there except for drink and beat the shit out of people…” Ian sighed. “And I thought you were starting business with the cartels there!”, he chuckled. “Cartels? Nah, man! Even if I had wanted to, you would have to be Mexican for them to trust you! No need for my white ass there!”, he snorted, jokingly.

Ian nodded absentmindedly, eating the rest of his fries. “Why’d you come back? Did you know your charges were dropped?”, he continued to ask. Mickey shook his head again. “Didn’t know until I was handcuffed in a cell, puking my fuckin’ guts out!”, he chuckled, “Dunno why I came back… Guess, I just had enough! Tired of drinkin’ and fightin’… had nothin’ to lose anyway!”

“You make it sound like you were drunk the entire time there!”, Ian joked, “Didn’t you want to enjoy the beach and all?” Mickey tilted his head a little. He didn’t want to blame Ian for all the shit that happened to him again. In the end it was his fault for not moving on with his life there. Then again he had been helpless in Mexico. He hadn’t known where or how to start a new life there. He had just continued doing what he had always done. What he had known.

“Beach is fuckin’ boring when you can’t swim and burn up in an instant!”, he remarked instead. “Right! Forgot that!”, Ian replied, smirking shyly. “Wanna learn how to swim?”, he suddenly asked. Mickey gazed at him frowning. “Nah, man! Fuck that! So what, I’m never goin’ to swim in the fuckin’ ocean… don’t even wanna go back there!” Ian laughed at that answer and Mickey’s expression relaxed again.

“You never wanna go back to the ocean? You know that there’s more than one and not every ocean borders Mexico, right?”, Ian teased for which Mickey threw a fry in his direction. “Ain’t you a smartass!”, he joked before his face turned serious again, “I just wanna stay in the same place for a while, you know? I’m tired of running! I just want some peace!” He shoved the last piece of his burger in his mouth and wiped his hands with a napkin.

“Sure… not that I know of moving around a lot but I get the peace part! It’s exhausting sometimes!”, Ian replied pensively. Mickey grinned at him. “You think your life is peaceful?”, Mickey asked gingerly. Ian sighed. “I wish… With my screwed up head it’s hard to keep the peace!”, he answered, returning the grin. “But you’re better now, right?”, Mickey asked warily. Ian nodded slowly. “Yeah… better. Definitely feel a lot better since I saw your shiny ass again!”, he said flirty. Mickey gave him a sassy look. “Old school Gallagher! Tryin’ to get some today?”, he smirked. Ian chuckled shyly, staring down at his empty plate, before meeting his gaze again. 

“Date’s not over yet!”, Ian stated, wiggling his eyebrows. Mickey laughed at the dork in front of him. “Alright Gallagher now before you bed me on fuckin’ rose petals let me just pay, so I can feel like a fuckin’ dude again!” Before Ian could say anything, Mickey stood up laid some bills on the table from his wallet and made his way out of the restaurant. Ian followed him quickly on his heels.

“That wasn’t how I planned it, you know?”, Ian said, sounding a little ashamed of himself. “Don’t sweat it, asshole! You can make it up to me later!”, Mickey replied, smirking at him. He let his hand trail over Ian’s chest and stomach. The latter shivered under the touch. “Your place?”, Ian gasped, staring at Mickey’s hand, lingering on his body. “You bet!”, Mickey returned, wetting his lips.

Ian drove them back to Mickey’s apartment. Hastily they walked up the stairs barely able to keep their hands to themselves. In front of the door Mickey fumbled with his keys, when Ian suddenly pushed him against the wall and started kissing him hungrily. Knowing that no one was watching them, Mickey returned the kiss and ran his hands all over Ian’s body. He managed to find the right key and pulled back from Ian to open the door. Luckily, it was dark inside. Either no one was home or his roomies had already gone to bed. 

Mickey dragged Ian to his room by his hand, as he had the first two times they had ended up there. When he closed the door and lit the room, Ian began to laugh at the chaos of Mickey’s housing. “What?”, Mickey asked confused. Ian smirked at him. “Some things never change!”, he chuckled and started kissing him again. 

While they both hastily unbuttoned each other’s shirts, Mickey had to smile at Gallagher’s last remark. Clearly some things never changed. When he felt Ian’s body pressed to his, the heat that radiated between them and the passion he had never had with anybody else, he was glad that some things remained the same.


	15. Better than expected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! As I already said I'm writing my final thesis right now so don't expect more than one or two chapters a week! I'm not leaving just have to prioritize :)
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like the new chapter! Thank you for reading and commenting! I'm happy that so many people are interested in the story! Love you guys!
> 
> Enjoy!

Mickey woke up right before noon still exhausted. They had barely slept that night and Ian was still snoring quietly next to him. A smile stretched across his face when he looked over at the redhead. The date had gone better than expected. He had worried for nothing and he was happy that he hadn’t made a run for it. No more running. That chapter of his life was done for sure.

He sat up, grabbed his cigarettes from the nightstand and lit himself one. He was about to grab his phone to look through his e-mails when a pale hand wrapped around his belly and pulled him back on the bed. “You’re not leaving, are ya?”, Ian asked with a sleepy voice, pressing soft kisses on his neck. “And where would I go?”, Mickey asked in return, placing his cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand to not burn the sheets before turning to Ian again. “Nowhere ‘cause I’m not lettin’ you go!”, Ian smirked and ran his hand over Mickey’s chest and up to his neck again.

They kissed passionately before Mickey pulled apart and grinned at his redhead again. “We stink!”, he remarked, chuckling. Ian joined in the laugh. “Yeah we should probably take a shower…!”, he agreed. They both got out of bed and put on their boxers. Mickey opened the door a bit to see if somebody was outside. It all seemed quiet so they quickly slipped in the hallway and then in the bathroom.

The shower gave yet another opportunity for a quicky and by the time they were done the water had already run cold. “Jesus… seems almost like we have to make up for the time we were apart!”, Mickey chuckled, drying himself with a towel. Before Ian could respond, they heard someone trying to open the locked door from the other side. “Don’t tell me you used all the hot water, shithead!”, Cat yelled through the door. “Sorry!”, Mickey responded after they couldn’t help but laugh quietly. They heard her cursing before she walked away again, back to her room. 

“Your roomies are nice!”, Ian remarked still smiling like an idiot, tying his towel around his hips. “They are!”, Mickey agreed, “Cat’s a little nosy sometimes but Johnny’s quite alright!” He opened the window to let some air in before he took a peak outside the door again. “Why are we even sneaking around?”, Ian asked suddenly, “I thought they knew about us!” Mickey turned around to him. “Not sneaking, just avoiding stupid fuckin’ questions!”, he replied with raised eyebrows. 

Ian huffed a laugh and walked past him in the hallway, without looking if there was somebody out there. Mickey simply shook his head and followed him quickly. They had to pass Cat’s room door before they could enter Mickey’s room again and Mickey was almost certain that she was listening at the door if Ian was with him. If she didn’t know already after the night they had. 

Ian entered Mickey’s room and immediately lost the towel when Mickey closed the door behind them. Mickey wet his lips at the sight. His man was pretty handsome but he just didn’t have it in him to go for another round. After all they weren’t teenagers anymore. Ian seemed to have no intention of jumping his bones either, instead he fumbled with the pocket of his pants and revealed a little box of pills. He opened it and took out three different ones. Mickey watched the whole procedure still standing by the door. For whatever reason watching Ian take his pills had a soothing effect on him. It kind of reassured him in his decision to give Ian a second chance.

He suddenly remembered all the shit he had read about Ian’s disease when he first got diagnosed. Pills on an empty stomach weren’t a good idea, so he quickly put on his boxers and a pair of sweatpants to get him something to eat and drink. He had never made breakfast for another person before. His usual breakfast consisted either of cereal or whatever Cat’s or Johnny’s leftovers were. He made his way to the kitchen and grabbed the first thing he found. A semi-dry bagel and a bottle of water.

When he returned to his room Ian had already swallowed the pills dry but gladly took the offered water and even took a bite of the bagel. “So, I guess we can say our date went quite well…”, he smiled at Mickey, while putting on his boxers and pants. “You could say that!”, Mickey replied, pulling him close again. He looked up at Ian and kissed him passionately. “Too bad you gotta go now!”, he added when they pulled apart. Ian’s face fell immediately. “I gotta… ?”, he asked obviously disappointed. 

“Got a thing later… meeting someone.”, Mickey explained vaguely. Ian wasn’t sure what to make of that statement. Didn’t they say yesterday that they weren’t going to see anybody else? Although it wasn’t really his place to ask he did it anyway. “Who?” Mickey smirked insecurely. “You jealous, already?”, he asked in return and Ian quickly shook his head. “No, no! I’m not… just…”, he stuttered not knowing how to finish the sentence. “Never thought the day would come that I see you being jealous!”, Mickey laughed. Ian looked at him unsure what to do or say in response. “Relax man! I’m meetin’ Yevgeny later!”, Mickey added. 

Visibly relieved a smile stretched across Ian’s face again. “You do? That’s awesome!”, he remarked, “How often do you see him?” Mickey sat on the bed and shrugged. “Every two weeks… Talkin’ to Svet about lettin’ him stay here over night but she’s still suspicious… doesn’t trust me and shit! Understandable, I guess!”, he answered thoughtfully. Ian sat down next to him. “She’ll get around! You know her! She’s always loved to tease. Keep ya waitin’. It’s probably just her way of punishing you for bailin’ on them!”, he replied, while Mickey laid back on the bed. “Wow thanks for the pep talk Gallagher!”, Mickey responded sarcastically but there was no real edge to it. Ian laid next to him propping his head up on one arm. “He must be so big now! Haven’t seen him in two years! Ever since Svet married again!”, he said lost in thought. 

Mickey reached for his phone and flipped through his gallery until he found a picture of Yevgeny and him eating ice-cream. He gave it to Ian, who looked down fondly at the phone. A smile played on his lips, while he stared at the picture. “I always knew you loved him… no matter the circumstances!”, he mumbled, giving the phone back to Mickey. “Yeah whatever… he’s a good kid! Deserves to know his dad! Deserves to know that I care!”, Mickey mumbled but Ian heard the love in his words. Even when Mickey tried to downplay his feelings, Ian had always been able to hear and see those things that were important to him. 

“I’d love to see him again!”, Ian said thoughtfully, “I know Svetlana probably still hates me for… you know.” Mickey chuckled. “Don’t beat yourself up about it, man! ‘t was a long time ago… not like you’re still pullin’ this shit! Not like he even remembers!” Ian laid a hand on Mickey’s stomach and ran little circles with his thumb absentmindedly. “Yeah, I know… I mean I hope I’ll never get into a situation like that ever again, where it makes more sense to steal a baby and run away than go to the fuckin’ hospital and get my head straight!”, he sighed. 

Mickey took Ian’s hand in his and squeezed it lightly. “You’re doin’ good as far as I can tell! And you’re handlin’ your disease a lot better now! Nothin’ to worry about so far!”, he tried to cheer him up. A small smile played on Ian’s lips. “Thanks…”, he whispered and leaned down to kiss Mickey. The latter reciprocated and grabbed the back of Ian’s head, running a hand through his hair. When the pulled apart he kept looking at Ian firmly. 

“You know I’ll take you someday to see Yevgeny, right?”, he asked and Ian nodded slowly, “I just don’t wanna confuse the kid… I mean I just reentered his life and if you join in now, too… I just wanna be sure…” Ian smiled at him assuringly. “It’s okay! I get it! You take your time! I can wait!”, he replied softly.

Ian knew the subject was delicate. He had wanted to see Yevgeny for years but he felt like it wasn’t his place to ask for something like that. Not after what he had done. Svetlana had never trusted him again after his little road trip. However, he had loved the little guy from the very beginning, even though the circumstances of his conception had been horrible, he still loved him to this day.

After Mickey didn’t say anything else on the matter Ian decided to leave it at that for now. Mickey would eventually ask him to come see Yevgeny with him. That is, if everything stayed as good as it was right now and he could regain his trust again. He smiled at the beautiful man next to him and kissed him again. Hopefully, it wouldn’t take too long.


	16. Baby Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Svetlana agrees to visit Mickey with Yevgeny. Mickey's roomies wanna know about his date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy reading! :)

“Dad?”, Yevgeny smiled up at him, when they stood in line for ice-cream. “Yes?”, Mickey replied, looking down at his son. “Where do you live?”, Yevgeny asked innocently. Mickey wasn’t sure if the kid even remembered the South Side but since Svetlana was still hesitant about him taking his son over the weekend and not just for a few hours at the park, he assumed she didn’t really like where he lived. Maybe she had told the kid...

“Half an hour away from here.”, he answered vaguely. Yevgeny frowned, thinking. It was like looking in a mirror. Mickey knew that he had the exact same expression on his face when he was trying to make sense of something. “Do you live with someone?”, Yevgeny asked again. Mickey nodded in response. “A girlfriend?” Now it was Mickey’s turn to frown. “Uh… No, I live with two roommates!”, he responded, wondering what his mom had told his son at all about him.

“What are their names?”, his son continued. “Cat and John… they’re brother and sister.”, Mickey answered. “Are they nice?”, Yevgeny asked wide eyed. Mickey nodded. “Yeah, they are!”, he replied, smiling at the little boy. “So, why can’t I come visit you?” There it was. The question Mickey had asked himself many times. Had asked Svetlana many times and he still hadn’t gotten a satisfying answer. Especially none appropriate for a 7 year old.

“Maybe you should ask your mom that… ?”, he replied thoughtfully. Yevgeny was about to say something back when it was their turn at the ice-truck. He picked strawberry and chocolate, while Mickey payed for it. They walked back to the bench Svetlana was sitting on, waiting for them. “Mama?”, Yevgeny asked her as innocently as he had asked Mickey, “Why can’t I visit Daddy?” Svetlana looked at him confused before she scowled at Mickey, clearly thinking this was his fault. 

“He doesn’t live far away and his roommates are nice!”, Yevgeny tried to convince her. She muttered something in Russian, Mickey didn’t understand but Yevgeny looked disappointed, flopping down next to her. Svetlana looked up at Mickey, obviously still pissed at him. He tried to sign her that it had not been his idea but her gaze just remained cold and irritated. Mickey sighed. He knew, convincing Svetlana wouldn’t be easy but maybe he could do it. Not just for himself but for Yevgeny as well.

“Hey Yevi… Do you mind give us second, so I can talk to your mom?”, he asked the little boy. Yevgeny looked up at him for a moment with his big blue eyes before he got up and walked towards the swings. “You know, you could come by and have a look at where I live if that’s what holdin’ you back!”, Mickey said when his son was out of reach. Svetlana huffed. “I don’t care what rat hole you live in!”, she snorted, while Mickey lit himself a cigarette, “I don’t trust you!” Mickey breathed out smoke through his nostrils and nodded. He hadn’t expected anything else. “He doesn’t have to stay the night right away… I mean you two could just come visit!”, Mickey suggested already preparing himself for the next let down.

Svetlana’s gaze wandered over the playground, watching their son sit on the swing, eating his ice-cream. “Yevgeny wants to spend more time with you!”, she sighed, without looking at Mickey, “I can’t keep him from his father… He won’t stop talking about you when we are home!” Mickey didn’t know what to make of this but he his chest felt all warm and fuzzy. What was that? Love? Pride? The little guy actually liked him? If even Svetlana said so, it must be true. 

A fond smile stretched across his face when he looked over at his son as well. “We come for visit! In two weeks! Same time!”, Svetlana said coldly but it made Mickey want to jump up in the air. It was baby steps with her but they would get there. He just needed to take it slow! Build trust! Make it last!

At some point she would let his son stay with him without her supervision. Maybe he could stay for the whole weekend? Or holidays? Then the reality of this dream came crashing down on him. Where would Yevgeny sleep? On the couch? In his bed? Where would he sleep then? In the bed as well? Was that even appropriate? What did he eat? What if he fell sick or broke an arm? Nevermind. He could think about that when it was time. For now, he was happy with the little progress they had made.

\- - - - - - 

“I still don’t get how you could marry that bitch in the first place!”, Cat mentioned, gesturing her fork at Mickey. They sat at the kitchen table, eating the takeout Mickey had brought with him, when he had returned from Oz Park. “Not like I had much say in it…”, he mumbled. Cat began to laugh. “Oh come on! As if she forced you to… I mean she probably didn’t force you to stick your dick in her!” Mickey was about to take a sip of his beer when he started to choke. He coughed a couple of times and John gently patted his back. “Doesn’t matter now anyway…”, he replied with a husky voice, not wanting to get too deep into the topic.

“Or was it more of a fake marriage so no one would get suspicious?”, because of fucking course Cat couldn’t drop it. “I knocked her up by accident and we got married… Is that so hard to believe?”, he asked her irritated. “Jeez, okay! I’m sorry! Just wonderin’… Well, anyway now you have pretty boy!”, she smiled, wiggling her eyebrows, “Lemme tell you! Even if you weren’t gay as the fuckin’ Village People, he’s the much better choice!”

“Yeah, I know!”, he responded shyly, having a feeling in his chest that made his heart want to explode. “So your date went well, I assume?”, she continued with the same sappy smile. Mickey sighed. He loved Cat but he hated these interrogations. He almost felt like he was fifteen again having his sister jumping up and down on his bed, pestering him with questions. “Yeah!”, he replied concisely, much to her dismay. 

“Come on! Spill the beans! I want details! Where’d you go? What’d you do?”, she whined, sounding almost like Mandy. How could she be so nosy? He sighed looking up from his food and at her with raised eyebrows. “Wanna know which position we fucked in, next?”, he asked sarcastically. John laughed silently, obviously amused of the situation. Cat kept the eye contact, still smiling that shit-eating grin of hers. “You can leave out the sex details! Although I must say, you two have quite some stamina! I fell asleep after the what? Third time? That’s impressive! And I’m pretty sure you fucked in the shower this mornin’, too!”

“Will she ever shut up?”, Mickey asked John, pleadingly, who could barely contain his laughter. Cat was about to add something when her brother suddenly pitched in. “No more talkin’!”, he commanded her and she laid her head in her hand, pouting. “Has she always been this nosy?”, Mickey asked him. “You have no idea!”, John laughed, digging in his food again.

“Okay, okay! So when’s the bad Russian bitch and your little offspring come to visit?”, she asked instead. “Two weeks!”, Mickey responded a little less irritated, “Gotta clean this place up! Make it kid-friendly! No drugs, no booze, no cigarettes before they come!” The siblings both looked shocked at him. “But Mickey the weed!”, Cat simply replied, which cracked him up. Of course that was important to her. “Just keep it outta reach! Maybe not in the fuckin’ kitchen drawer where every seven year old could find it!”, he answered her and she seemed to ease a little.

“Got it! Stash the weed where only Cat could find it! Easy!”, she saluted him theatrically, “Ian’s gonna come, too?” Mickey shrugged. He didn’t want Ian to meet Yevgeny again, just yet. It was way too early for this. He wasn’t even sure if he would stick around this time and he certainly couldn’t do that to Yevgeny either. Nevermind Svetlana and her ongoing rant about her favorite orange boy.

“Probably not!”, he mumbled, stuffing another fork of Thai noodles in his mouth. Cat’s face fell immediately but Mickey chose to ignore her. It was nobody’s business. Luckily, John got the hint and signed his sister a ‘shut-up bitch!’ over the table. Mickey wondered how he did it but he just guessed it was something about keeping each other in check or whatever they told him when he moved in.

He just finished his food when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He took another sip of his beer before he pulled it out and unlocked the screen. A message from Ian. He quickly stood up and walked to his room, throwing the empty food box in the trash on his way. He flopped down on the bed, reading the text.

[Ian] 6:34pm  
Had a really great time last night… and this morning! ;)

Mickey immediately smiled. That fucking dork and his smiley faces. It was crazy how fast that redhead sneaked his way back into his heart. However, it was also dangerous. It was unsafe territory that needed to be explored first. Trust needed to be built again before he could just jump forward and into a relationship. Ian could be it for him. He knew it. But he didn’t know if he was it for Ian as well. Before he deepened the thought, he quickly typed a response.

[Mickey] 6:36pm  
Me too!

He smiled at his phone again. Maybe this time was different. They both had changed a lot. Maybe it was their time now. He didn’t have to wait long for another text.

[Ian] 6:37pm  
Whatcha doin tomorrow?

Mickey thought about it for a moment. Did he want to see Ian tomorrow? Sunday? Hell yeah he wanted to! Was it a good idea to meet so soon again? Who the fuck cared?!

[Mickey] 6:38pm  
Nothin... Suggestions?

Whatever Gallagher was offering it would probably be sappy and romantic and cheesy and so Ian and Mickey would love every second of it. Somehow he hated how much the thought of meeting Ian again made him happy, on the other hand, who was he kidding? As if he had a choice! He was in neck-deep. Even though he had sworn to himself he wouldn’t fall for him again! Another text!

[Ian] 6:40pm  
Thought about a movie night! Still into Seagal? 

The asshole knew him too well! He sighed long. Inhaling deeply and breathing out again. He stared at the ceiling to gather his thoughts. Ian made him really fucking happy. In more than one way. He couldn’t place it but it was not just sex or physical attraction. It was so much more. But being with Ian was like playing with fire, at least that’s what it used to be.

[Mickey] 6:45pm  
You know it! 6 my place?

He hit the send button and let his head fall back on his pillow. He remembered what he thought about earlier with Svetlana. Baby steps! Don’t rush into things! Take it slow! Build trust! Make it last! And even though ‘Take it slow’ was already a little too late, he at least wanted to focus on the last two parts: Build trust! Make it last!

[Ian] 6:46pm  
Can’t wait! :)


	17. Fears and Reservations aside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lip surprises his brother and Mickey and Ian have their second date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have fun reading :)

Ian ran a hand through his hair. It was almost five and he had to get going soon. Another date with Mickey. Another opportunity to prove himself. He smiled reading the texts again from last night. Their first date had been great. After the first few hurdles with that stupid restaurant they actually had had a really good time together. And what had he even been thinking with that. As if he had to impress Mickey with a fancy restaurant. He chuckled quietly to himself. 

Impress Mickey? He didn’t even know if that was possible without some illegal bullshit but with a restaurant? Please! If he just had checked out the place first before he had made reservations that would have kept him from embarrassing himself. But no, he hadn’t thought really. He couldn’t think when Mickey was concerned. All those butterflies in stomach made him lose control over his thoughts. He loved it as much as he was afraid of it. Would he be able to stick around? Would Mickey stay even if he fell worse again? What if he had a really bad low? Or a manic episode? 

Even though he took his meds regularly these days and even got around to see a psychiatrist every once in a while, he could always slip. Like the night he saw Mickey again. When they had kissed passionately after his fight. When he had pushed him away. It had hurt so bad. Ian knew how it felt not to be wanted but from Mickey? Ian just then came to realize how much he must’ve hurt him in the past. By breaking up with him, not giving a shit when he was locked up and ditching him at the Mexican border.

He felt a sting in his heart when he thought about it. They hadn’t talked much about Mexico but Ian knew that it was a sensitive topic for Mickey. He sighed, clenching his teeth. There was nothing he could do about it now anyways but to show Mickey that he was there now. That he cared now. And that he would never let go again. 

He was about to look at his phone again, when somebody knocked on his room door. He quickly jumped up and opened the crappy slide door that barely kept his privacy. It was Lip. “Hey man! How’s it goin’?”, he smiled at him and Ian sat back down on the bed to make room for his brother to enter. “Good! How ‘bout you?”, he asked in return. Lip shrugged shyly. “Uh… you know just registered my bachelor thesis!”, he mentioned casually. Ian’s eyes grew big. His brother had finally come around to finish his bachelor’s degree. After a fucking long time of getting sober and finding himself he had finally managed to enroll at another university and finish what he had started.

“Oh man that’s fuckin’ awesome! Congrats!”, Ian cheered, giving his brother a big hug. “Don’t be so cheerful now! I still have to write that shit!”, Lip replied smirking but Ian could see on his face how happy he himself was about that. “What about you? What’s new? Heard you had a hot date yesterday!”, Lip changed the subject and Ian immediately blushed. “Oh yeah? Who told you that?”, he asked sheepishly. “You really think you could start datin’ Mickey Milkovich again and have Fiona and Debbs keep your secret? Come on man! You’re smarter than that!”, Lip chuckled and slapped Ian’s shoulder lightly. 

Ian smiled and looked down on his feet. Lip probably just came by to tell him what an awful idea this all was, how Mickey would fuck up his life again and yada yada yada. He wasn’t sure if he could take another Gallaghers against Mickey speech but he would also not shy away from defending his decisions. He wasn’t a child anymore after all, even though his siblings sometimes treated him like one.

“Well, it’s pretty new so…”, Ian replied not meeting Lip’s gaze. He had to go soon anyway. Maybe he could just navigate himself around the dumb speech. “Judgin’ by your looks it went well!”, Lip smirked. Ian looked up at him, finally looking into his eyes. There was no malice in his voice but he seemed to be genuinely happy for Ian. What the hell? “It did!”, Ian replied concisely, anxiously waiting for Lip to tell him he made a bad judgment call, that he needed to talk to his doctor because he was manic.

“Good for you!”, Lip merely said and gave him another big smile, “So, we’ll see him here soon I guess?” Ian gave him a baffled look. “I don’t know… probably. I mean if everything goes well…”, he answered slowly, still wondering what had gotten into Lip. Since when was he happy for Ian to date Mickey? “Alright man! Tell me when he comes over! Wanna hear that insane Mexico story!”, Lip replied and made an attempt to leave Ian’s room.

Ian stopped him by grabbing his arm. “You don’t wanna tell me it’s a bad idea or anythin’?”, he asked insecurely. His brother nudged his arm again. “No man! We’re over that shit! If you say he’s good for you, I believe you! If you tell me he messes with your head I’mma break his fuckin’ legs! Got it?” Ian started to laugh. Not because the situation was so ridiculous but because his brother seriously believed his judgment. Did hell suddenly freeze over? 

“Um… okay.”, Ian answered shyly, not sure what to make of his brother’s weird reaction. “Just make sure you bring him by sometime! Just for, you know… so we can have a look at him! See if he changed!”, Lip added before he left Ian’s room again. Lost in thought Ian sat back down on his bed. He looked at his phone. 5:30pm already! He had to get going! He didn’t want to be late!

\- - - - - -

A little while later Ian and Mickey sat on the couch, close to each other but not as close as either of them might want to be. Since they weren’t in Mickey’s room Mickey had some reservations about cuddling up to Ian or whatever sappy shit made his heart jump. Cat and John were still at home but about to get ready to leave. Giving the two some privacy. Hopefully things would ease a little as soon as they’re gone.

“Hey Ian! You goin’ to the pride next week?”, Cat asked, putting on a leather jacket that made her look like a dude. Surprised that he was being addressed, Ian looked up from the movie they were watching. “Uh… yeah! Why? You goin’?”, he asked in return. From the corner of his eyes he saw Mickey roll his eyes and sink deeper in the couch cushions. “Yeah I’m goin’! Just thought you could convince dickhead here to come since he’s a fag, too!”, she replied, motioning her hand at the couch where Mickey had just disappeared out of sight.

Ian chuckled looking down at Mickey. “Have you ever even been to the pride?”, Ian asked him and earned an annoyed look from his lover. “I just don’t get what there is to be proud about…”, Mickey sighed, making no move of sitting up. Ian gave him a smile that warmed his insides. “Whaddaya mean there’s nothin’ to be proud about?”, Cat exclaimed, bending over the couch to scowl at Mickey.

“I’m just sayin’ there’s no straight people parade or whatever! Why does everybody make such a fuckin’ big deal about it?”, Mickey replied irritated, finally sitting up and turning around to his roomie. “Because you can be proud of yourself! I mean look at you! Ain’t you a pretty little rainbow boy having a faggy movie date with your lover? Be proud of that! Damn it!”, Cat smirked, slapping the back of his head, causing Mickey to raise his eyebrows in annoyance. 

“I think what she means is that you can be proud of yourself for comin’ out because that’s a fuckin’ big step!”, Ian tried to explain, “You know, living openly, outta the closet. Not ashamed of yourself and all that!” A huge smile stretched across Cat’s face. “Right! What he said! Plus you show all the straight people out there that people like us exist and we ain’t hidin’ anymore! Raise some awareness and flip off all the haters!”, she cheered, happily. 

Mickey ran a hand over his face and sighed again. “Okay fuckin’ fine be proud of yourself for comin’ out! I get it! But don’t you think people would accept faggots more if we didn’t run around like fuckin’ drag queens in a fuckin’ parade! I mean come on! That shit is just provocative!” Cat rolled her eyes at the comment. “Isn’t that the fuckin’ point?”, she responded, “Be yourself even if it’s provocative! You know, people only ever start to think if shit’s provocative! You wanna be accepted don’t cha?!”

Mickey took a deep breath, gathering all his patience. “I just think that things for gay people won’t ever get normal if everyone makes a big fuzz about it! How the fuck can you even think that people accept us more if we wave our fuckin’ dicks in their faces?! That’s just ridiculous!” Ian chuckled again and laid a hand on Mickey’s thigh. “You should really come with us! The pride’s not just drag queens and queers in tutus! It’s a fuckin’ big party and you get to meet a lot of people!”, he said calmly. “Yes! It’s a date! You’re not gettin’ outta this, Milkovich!”, Cat yelled triumphantly as if Mickey had agreed. 

Mickey ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Fuckin’ whatever! You better get me wasted then!”, he grunted, sinking back into the couch cushions. “Come on, Cat! Let’s go already!”, John yelled impatiently from the door. Cat flipped him off, leaned down to kiss Mickey and Ian on the cheek and smiled widely at them. “You two beautiful creatures have a great date! See you tomorrow!”, she laughed and left the apartment with her brother.

“She’s something else!”, Ian remarked, smirking. “Yeah, something annoying!”, Mickey huffed, grabbing the TV remote to rewind since they hadn’t payed attention for the last fifteen minutes. “You know, you’re something else, too!”, Ian hummed, squeezed Mickey’s thigh lightly and leaned over to kiss his neck. Mickey let out a quick chuckle and let his head fall back a little to give Ian a better angle. “Oh yeah?”, he whispered, a warm feeling spreading in his whole body. “Yeah, something hot!”, Ian growled against his neck and moved his hand under Mickey’s shirt.

Mickey shivered from the touch and laid the remote back on the table, suddenly not caring about the movie anymore. He turned his body to face Ian, grabbing him by the back of his head and pressed their lips together. The kiss started slowly. One pair of hot lips on the other, moving around, tongues dancing when Ian suddenly pulled back, way to soon for Mickey’s taste. He stared at him for a moment with sparkling eyes. 

“I still can’t believe you’re here…”, he mumbled and leaned his forehead against Mickey’s. “Me neither!”, Mickey chuckled and moved his hand to Ian’s cheek, caressing his lover’s skin with his thumb, “I never thought I’d see you again!” Ian looked deeply into his eyes before he closed the distance between them again. This time they kissed a lot hungrier than before. Exploring each other’s mouths like they couldn’t get enough of each other. Like they had to make up for all the time they had been apart.

Ian grabbed Mickey’s shirt and pulled it over his head before Mickey did the same to him. Soon Mickey moved on top of Ian, feeling his hard cock pressed against his thigh, grinding up on him and making him moan with pleasure. Before Ian could put his hands on Mickey’s belt, Mickey stopped all of a sudden. “Let’s go to my room!”, he said a little out of breath. He stood up and pulled Ian up with him, moving slowly around the couch to get to his room, holding Ian’s hand all the way. 

Feeling Ian’s skin pressed to his had never felt more right as in this moment. When Mickey closed the door behind them, Ian turned around to him. “I’m glad we’re doin’ this!”, he said with a low voice, “I’m really serious about this! About us!” Mickey smiled, cupping his head with his hands and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. “Me too, Gallagher!”, he mumbled and let his hands trail down Ian’s body in adoration. 

Looking at the hot man in front of him, Mickey knew he was serious about them, too. All fears and reservations aside, he had a damn good feeling about them. He just hoped that it stuck. That Ian would stuck. That their love for each other would stuck. He laid his hand on Ian’s chest where his heart was beating under his skin. Feeling Ian so vividly on his skin gave him reassurance that this time maybe things were different for them.


	18. Pride pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian, mickey and his roomies attend the pride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all :)
> 
> I'm back! 
> 
> I'm really sorry for not uploading so long but I can proudly call myself a graduate now! *Yay* So now that I have time to live and breath again I have time to write. Hopefully on a more regular basis.
> 
> As always:   
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!   
> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoy the new chapter! :)

Ian woke up on his lover’s chest by the beat of his heart. He kept his eyes closed and listened to Mickey’s slow breathing. The rise and fall of his chest. The little snoring noises he made when he was fast asleep. Ian smiled immediately, nuzzling his nose further into Mickey’s skin to breath in his scent. God, he smelled so good. Ian was wondering how he had ever thought he could live without that smell. How could he have left Mickey just like that? How could he have ditched him so many times? 

Before his thoughts could wander off into even darker places of regret and guilt, he felt his man stir under him. The arm that was wrapped around Ian’s shoulders came to life and began running up and down on Ian’s naked skin. Ian placed a soft kiss on Mickey’s chin and the latter began to smile. He tilted his head, eyes still closed, to kiss his man properly on the lips. 

“You know, I could get used to you stayin’ the night!”, Mickey mumbled sleepily when they pulled apart. Ian smiled flirty, propping up on one arm to admire his lover’s face, his other hand trailing down Mickey’s body. “I could really get used to this!”, he said, grabbing Mickey’s morning wood and stroking it slowly. His man melted under his touch. He let his head fall back, grinning happily. “Jesus Gallagher, you really know how to start a morning!”, he gasped, the hand on Ian’s shoulder wandering to the back of his head, pulling his hair lightly.

“I also know how to get you started!”, Ian chuckled and moved his head down, plastering Mickey’s body with soft kisses. Mickey moaned quietly, rocking his hips back and forth under the touch as Ian’s lips reached his hard cock. He ran his hand fondly through his lover’s red hair, enjoying every touch. Every kiss. Ever second of their little love play. Ian was about to pick up the pace when a loud bang on the door interrupted them. 

“Get up, faggots! We have a parade to attend to!”, Cat yelled from the other side. Mickey growled annoyed and Ian began to laugh, the erotic mood gone in a second. “I swear to fuckin’ god I’m gonna kill her someday!”, Mickey grunted, getting up to get his cigarettes, “Fuckin’ dyke with her fuckin’ parade!” Ian laid on his back, watching his man, still chuckling. “It’ll be fun! You’ll see!”, he tried to persuade him, “Besides, there’s always time for a quicky or a blowjob somewhere!” Mickey lit himself a cigarette and looked down on the hot man on his bed. 

“Oh yeah?”, he asked, taking a deep drag, “I’ll take you at your word, Gallagher!” Ian smiled back at him, stroking his hard member. “You do that!”, he replied, wiggling his eyebrows before he let go and stood up himself. “So we gonna take a cold shower now or what?”, he smiled, wrapping an arm around Mickey’s waist and pulling him close again. Mickey grinned cheekily. “Somebody just told me there’s always time for a quicky or a blowjob!” Ian laughed in return, kissing his lover softly before getting down on his knees. “Well then, where were we?”

\- - - - - - 

The parade was already in full effect when the four arrived in Uptown. John had tagged along out of solidarity for his sister and his roommate. Mickey had never seen a straight man being so comfortable around gay people. Maybe it was because of Cat. Maybe he was just a genuine nice guy. Maybe Mickey just suspected that every straight guy deep down was a homophobe. He wasn’t sure what it was but he was damn sure that John would be hit on by a lot of guys that day. At the very least because Cat plastered his face with rainbow flags, making him look like the off-the-rack gay guy at the pride parade.

Cat herself wore the rainbow flag like a cape over her usual less-colorful black clothes. She had made sure that everybody was in attendance for the parade and the big afterparty in boystown although she seemed to be a little distracted. As soon as they had stopped to watch the parade, Cat pulled Mickey aside.

“Hey can you look after Johnny for a little bit?”, she asked innocently. Mickey frowned. “Why? Where you goin’?”, he asked in return. Cat looked over her shoulder biting her lip. “I just saw Amber on the other side of the street… I just… I just wanna talk to her.”, she replied shyly. Amber? Something in the back of Mickey’s head rang a bell. Cat must’ve told him about her but he just couldn’t remember. “Someone you like?”, he simply assumed for which Cat slapped his arm hard. “The Amber! Douchebag! I told you all about her!”, she grunted. “Jesus fuck! How am I supposed to remember every dyke you’ve been with?!”, he responded irritated. Cat rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Just do me a favor and take care of Johnny while I’m away! I know he doesn’t seem like it but I’m pretty sure he’s not so good right now, okay? I’ll catch up with you guys later in boystown!” And with that she turned around and walked away. 

Mickey wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean. John had never seemed like he was having a low or anything like that. He just always seemed so casual and happy it was hard to imagine for Mickey that he could be in a dark place right now. But Cat knew her brother and it was a small favor to ask really. 

John and Ian who had paid attention to the parade hadn’t even noticed that Cat had left when Mickey returned to them. Ian smiled at his man, gently stroking the side of his arm, careful not to show too much affection in public. He knew that was a no go for Mickey and he didn’t want to cross that line and upset him.

John had realized the absence of his sister by now. “Where’s Cat?”, he asked when he couldn’t see her anywhere around. Mickey shrugged. “Dunno, had to go talk to some dyke or somethin’. She’ll catch up with us later!”, he replied shortly, trying to focus his attention on the parade but couldn’t see through all the people in front of him. John nodded thoughtfully. “Hey you wanna move up the crowd a bit? I can’t see shit from here!”, he chuckled and pointed in the direction the parade was coming from.

They moved through the crowd to get a better look when suddenly some tall muscular guy pulled Ian to his bare chest. “Ian!”, the guy exclaimed happily. Mickey had to admit that he was damn good looking but on the other hand had to fight every urge in his body to not punch the guy in his stupid handsome face. Ian smiled at the man shyly when they pulled apart, clearly uncomfortable. “Hey Carey!”, he greeted him, “How’s it goin’?” The guy let his hands linger on Ian’s shoulders. “I’m good man! Haven’t seen you in a while! Thought you would call me back at some point for another date but I guess you were busy with work and all…”, Carey sputtered. 

Ian looked like he wanted to crawl out of his skin and Mickey wasn’t sure how that whole situation made him feel. He knew that jealousy was a stupid useless feeling that usually just made things worse and probably got him nowhere but what did that guy want from Ian? And what did Ian want from him? The guy was an asshole that’s for sure.

“Actually I… Well, I sorta…”, Ian stuttered not knowing how to finish the sentence. He couldn’t call Mickey his boyfriend yet but what were they then? They didn’t see anybody else. They spent almost every weekend together at Mickey’s place and they constantly texted each other when they were apart. It already felt so much like a relationship but without calling it one it was hard to explain what it was. “I’m dating someone else.”, Ian finally managed to say. 

Mickey looked at him suppressing a smile because Carey’s face had fallen in an instant. “You have a boyfriend?” Because of course the douchebag had to ask. Ian scratched the back of his head uncomfortably, looking over at Mickey with a shy smile. Carey’s gaze followed Ian’s and he began to frown when he looked Mickey up and down. “Him? You’re choosing him over me?”, he asked disbelievingly. Mickey felt his knuckles twitch. Oh, how he would love to smash that bastard’s face in but he had to behave. Still on parole he had to behave. At least for now when there were witnesses. He got pulled out of his thoughts when Ian suddenly spoke again.

“Fuck you, Carey! You’re not half the man he is!”, Ian defended him and by now Mickey couldn’t suppress his smile any longer. “Yeah go fuck yourself, Carey! Go suck some other dick before I kick your teeth in!”, Mickey added. Carey huffed indignantly but looked back at Ian. “You know you could do a lot better than this, right? Whatever… play with your little thug here and if you’re ready for a real man gimme a call!” Carey disappeared into the crowd as quickly as he had appeared.

“God, I’m so sorry about this!”, Ian apologized hastily. “So that’s a guy you used to date?”, Mickey asked for clarification. Ian nodded. “Yeah, he was annoying as fuck! Arrogant prick! I never called him back… thought he got the message but... well.”, he stuttered again, expecting Mickey to be mad and storm off but instead he just smiled back at his lover. “Fuck him!”, he smirked. “Wait you’re not mad?”, Ian asked surprised, returning the smile. “Nah man. Not your fault that he’s an asshole. He was right though with one thing… You could do better than me!”, Mickey replied looking down at his tattooed knuckles, feeling all insecure all of a sudden.

It was funny because Mickey hadn’t thought of himself as not being good enough for Ian since they had started dating again. He had just always assumed that he was good enough if Ian wanted him but thinking about it, Mickey wasn’t really the best choice for Ian. An ex-con on parole with a mile-long record dating an EMT, an upstanding citizen of society? That didn’t really fit, he had to admit. 

Ian began to laugh hysterically for which his lover frowned at him. “What’s so funny?”, Mickey asked confused. “For weeks now I told myself that you could do so much better than me and now you’re here saying that I could do better? You’re nuts!”, Ian chuckled. Mickey could just shake his head. “You’re perfect for me!”, Ian emphasized, cupping Mickey’s face, not caring anymore if it could be uncomfortable for him, “I don’t give a shit about anybody else! I just want you!” 

Ian leaned down to kiss his man when Mickey suddenly noticed something: John was missing. He pulled away quickly, looking around them. Ian looked hurt at first but was quickly catching up on what had caused Mickey to pull back. “Where’s John?”, he asked confused, overseeing the crowd. Mickey shrugged trying to stand on his toes to see better. “Shit!”, he cursed, “Shit!” Ian looked back at him. “He probably just moved to the front! What’s the big deal?”, Ian asked even more confused why Mickey was so upset about it. Mickey sighed running a hand over his face. “Cat’s gonna kill me!”


	19. Pride pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They find John and Mickey realizes a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy the new chapter! Next one is already in the making.
> 
> Also I finally outlined this story and there will be at least 6 more chapters. Maybe more maybe less. I'm bad at sticking to my outline so it will probably be more.  
> We'll see how it goes.
> 
> For now, have fun with chapter 19 :)

They had been searching for John for over thirty minutes before Mickey reluctantly pulled out his phone to call Cat. If there was one person that knew where John would go it was her. Of course, she wasn’t happy about the news that her brother had vanished into thin air to say the least. She was flat-out pissed. And worried.

They met in front of a café, close to where they had lost him in the crowd. Ian still didn’t know why his lover and his roommate were that worried but then again he didn’t knew anything about John. 

“You fuckers couldn’t watch him for one hour? What the fuck, Mick?!”, Cat exclaimed angrily when she came stomping towards them. “I literally turned around for one second and he was gone! You told me to keep an eye on him not take him on a leash!”, Mickey defended himself, “What the fuck’s wrong with him anyway?”

Cat sighed annoyed. “He’s a drug addict, dumbass! What do you think happens if he has a low?”, she yelled, so that people began to look at them warily. “Jesus Christ!”, Mickey mumbled, running a hand over his face. John had never seemed to have trouble staying sober. However, Mickey had also never really talked to him about his addiction.

“He seemed fine before… What makes you so sure he’s out there usin’?”, he tried to calm her down but it seemed to have the opposite effect on Cat. “Because I know my goddamn brother, stupid!”, she replied furiously and he backed down immediately.

“Alright, fuck I screwed up! It happened! Can we fuckin’ do somethin’ about that now, instead of yelling at each other?”, Mickey asked anxiously. He wasn’t sure if Cat was exaggerating the situation or not but if she was right they had to move fast and find John. Mickey knew from his brothers that most addicts died from an overdose when they relapsed because their bodies weren’t used to the high dosages anymore. If John was about to shoot one up he might overestimate himself. He might accidentally overdose. And Mickey didn’t want to be held responsible for that. Hell, he didn’t want to lose another person that was dear to him to fucking drugs.

Cat scratched her forehead thoughtfully before she gazed at Mickey. “We’re gonna ask people if they saw him… He could be anywhere! I think our best shot is to ask around…”, she said a little calmer with worry written all over her face. Mickey nodded and looked at Ian expectantly. “I get if this is not how you planned that day… You don’t have to come lookin’ with us! You just go enjoy the party!”, he said with a sigh. Ian immediately shook his head. “Are you kidding? Of course I’ll help you guys!”, he replied which brought a small smile to Mickey’s face. Ian turned to face Cat who seemed to be lost in thought. “What’s he hooked on?”, he asked her and pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Uh… heroin.”, she answered hesitantly. Ian nodded. “We should check out the pharmacies nearby… maybe he bought some clean needles!”, he suggested. Cat’s face lit up. “Your boyfriend’s a genius, Mick!”, she exclaimed, ignoring the uncertain look on both the men’s faces, “Alright, I know of two close by. One’s up there and the other a little down the street.” 

They agreed on which they would look at before Mickey and Ian and Cat went their separate ways to look for John. But before Mickey and Ian could even enter the pharmacy, Mickey felt his phone buzzing in his pockets. It was John’s number that was calling him. Without hesitation, he answered the call. 

“Dude, where the fuck are you?”, Mickey asked worriedly. He heard the other man sob slightly into the phone. “I dunno what I’m doin’, man…”, John whispered barely audible but Mickey could hear the desperation in his voice. “Where are you right now?”, Mickey repeated, hoping he got an answer. He heard a long sigh from the other man. “I’m on 23rd… abandoned building.”, John replied after a while. Mickey smiled relieved and gave Ian a sign to follow him. 

“Okay… hold on we’ll be there in a sec.”, Mickey answered and hung up. He knew the house. He knew that a lot of junkies got high there since it was easy to get in but closed off from the street. If you didn’t know about it you would never assume it to be there.

It didn’t take them long to get to the building. Mickey sent a quick text to Cat before him and Ian both entered the building through a broken window. Inside, the floor was scattered with shards, ragged blankets, filthy needles and other trash. Some people leaned on the walls, looking like they were fast asleep or dead. Others eyed them anxiously as they were passing through.

Mickey and Ian had to walk up to the second floor to find a young man sitting in one corner of an otherwise empty room. In front of him was a spoon, a lighter, something that looked like a pharmacy bag and a little plastic wrapped ball. John himself stared down at something he held in his hands. Mickey immediately identified it as his four years sober chip, he had shown him a couple of months ago.

Ian lingered in the door frame, keeping his distance while Mickey quickly walked up to his roommate and sat down next to him. “Hey man!”, he tried to greet him casually, hoping to ease the tension and snap John out of his thoughts. The latter just weakly looked up at him. “I can’t do it Mick…”, he said quietly with a resigned look on his face, “I can’t keep pretending I’m alright when I’m not… It’s just too hard.” Mickey lit himself a cigarette while he kept quiet.

“I mean it’s like a goddamn nightmare. When I was younger I thought I’d be married by now! Have a child on the way. Have a job I like. Little stupid house with a stupid picket fence. Instead I’m doing the same shit every fuckin’ day. Same stupid job. Same stupid people. Same damn fight to stay sober and for Christ’s sake I’m 27 and still live with my sister… How can you stay sober knowing that you’re a failure in every way? What’s the goddamn point?”

Mickey breathed out smoke through his nostrils a gazed over at John who clearly waited for a response from him. “Don’t look at me, man! I can’t tell you the secrets of life I barely figure them out myself…”, he replied, taking a meaningful break, “All I know is… if you had really wanted to get high, you wouldn’t have called me. You would’ve just done it!”

John frowned at him. This was clearly not the answer he had expected from Mickey. He looked back down between his chip and the utensils displayed in front of him. “I had it all figured out…”, he said quietly, “I’d lose you guys in the crowd, come here, get high, go home and act as if it had never happened.”

Mickey nodded, taking another drag. “I’m such a fuckin’ failure…”, John whispered and a tear ran down his cheek. “Yeah, that’s a load of crap!”, Mickey replied, taking the chip out of his hands. “You see this? You decided to live four years ago and you built a decent life for yourself. You’ve lost your one and you still decided to move on… I don’t know if I could ever move on from this…” Mickey swallowed, suddenly aware that his ‘one’ stood only a few feet away and probably had heard every word. 

“Look, all I’m saying is… you’re not a failure. You can be damn proud of yourself for gettin’ your shit together!” Mickey suddenly stood up and threw John’s chip back in his lap. John continued to stare at it with tear stained eyes. “I texted Cat where you are so if you still wanna get high you should be quick!”, Mickey said, throwing his cigarette butt away and moved towards the door frame where Ian still stood, quietly watching them. “Mick?”, John said and Mickey stopped in his tracks, “Can you throw that shit away for me, please?” Mickey sighed, shaking his head. “You gotta do it yourself, man.”, he replied and left the room, closely followed by Ian.

They had just climbed through the window they had come in before when Cat ran around the corner. “Where the fuck is he?”, she asked out of breath. Mickey pointed upwards. “Second floor, first room you see.”, he answered calmly, stepping aside to make room for her. She looked at him appalled. “You saw him and didn’t kick his ass outta there?”, she yelled at him disbelievingly. “No.”, he answered calmly, “It’s his life and his responsibility… he won’t stay sober if you’re hovering over his ass all the time. He could’ve easily shoot up today but he didn’t. He reached out! And I highly doubt that he’s chasing the dragon up there, right now!”

Cat was taken aback by his response. She shook her head and climbed through the broken window. “If you’re wrong I’m gonna kick your ass, Milkovich!”, she exclaimed while running up the stairs. 

As soon as she was out of sight, Mickey leaned against the wall closing his eyes. This had been exhausting. He hadn’t known what state John had been in until he had seen him. He hoped that he was right that John hadn’t shot up while they were down here. He was almost sure he wouldn’t risk it. But then again he had bought the heroin and the clean needles. He still could if he wanted to.

Mickey suddenly felt warm lips pressed against his and an all too familiar tongue pushing past them. He grabbed the back of Ian’s head and deepened the kiss, tenderly. Ian pulled back way to soon for Mickey’s taste. He continued to stare lovingly into Mickey’s blue eyes. “So who’s your one, you’ve been talkin’ about?”, he said with a smirk. Mickey looked away, gazing at the ground.

“Can I stay at your place tonight?”, he asked quietly, fumbling with the cigarettes in his pocket. Ian gently laid a hand on his cheek to meet his gaze. “Course you can! Everything alright?”, he replied worriedly. Mickey sighed finally reaching a cigarette and pulling it out. “It’s… nothing. Let’s just go!”

He pushed off the wall and walked back in the direction of the street they had come from. Ian followed him silently, when Mickey suddenly stopped again. From the alley he stared at the people that were celebrating the Pride, celebrating the way they were and who they loved and he finally understood it. Maybe he didn’t agree with it all but he understood it.

“You know…”, he began, looking up at Ian, “Sometimes I wished I could be as careless and happy about the fact that I’m loving a man as these guys are. It’s just… I still can’t make the voice in the back of my head shut up about it.” Ian frowned confused, before Mickey continued. “In the past years I’ve learned to live without you. I know that I can If I have to…” Ian’s frown turned into a disappointed look. “What are you getting at? You wanna break things off? I thought we were doin’ good?!”, he asked, the hurt clearly visible on his face.

Mickey grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer so he could look deeply into his eyes. “I’m sayin’ I can live without you… but that doesn’t mean I want to!” Ian stared at him, trying to make sense of the words. “You don’t want to live without me?”, he repeated and a smile slowly stretched across his face. “No I don’t wanna live without you, dumbass! I fuckin’ love you!”, Mickey smiled back at him before Ian closed the distance between them again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, this chapter was awful to write... that's part of why it took me so long to write it. Sometimes I just can't seem to get to the goal... I hope it's getting better though. I apologize if it's a little unorganized.
> 
> Next chapter: Mickey meets the Gallaghers... again!


	20. Step by Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey and Ian are at the Gallagher house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the new chapter :)

Words couldn’t describe the happiness Ian felt when he looked down at his sleeping lover. Or rather boyfriend. Finally, he could call him that again.

After the eventful day, they both hadn’t been really in the mood to go to a club and since there were other things to celebrate now they had decided to go to the Gallagher house. Luckily, no one was home and therefore no one was disturbed. 

Ian leaned down, planting multiple kisses on his boyfriend’s face. The latter rolled his head sleepily and smiled. “Ian if you don’t have any blue pills I just can’t do it…”, he laughed quietly. “As if we would need blue pills…”, Ian smirked, kissing Mickey’s cheek again. Mickey finally opened his blue eyes and looked up at Ian lovingly. He ran a hand through the red hair and gave him a small peck on the lips. 

“What time’s it?”, he asked with a big yawn. “Right after midnight.”, Ian answered, kissing his nose softly. “I should probably check my phone real quick…”, Mickey mumbled and sat up, looking for his pants. “Think John’s fine?”, Ian asked, watching his man unlock his phone. Mickey hummed before he smiled again. “I know that he is!”, he replied, holding up the screen, so Ian could see the text message. 

[Cat] 9:36pm  
Johnny’s okay! Sorry for bein such a bitch today! Hope I can make it up to u soon! Happy Pride :)

Ian smiled relieved. He didn’t know John well but he kind of liked him. He was a good friend to Mickey and Ian appreciated that. Cat was a good friend, too, in her own weird, annoying way. But she also was a control freak that couldn’t let go. Not so long ago Ian had thought that Mickey was the same way.

“You know that you’ve changed a lot?”, Ian asked, looking fondly at the man in front of him. Mickey raised his eyebrows. “Like how?”, he asked in return, putting his phone on Ian’s small nightstand before laying back down next to him. “Like the way you handled the situation today… you didn’t force John to get outta there but you let him make his own choice.”, Ian answered, hoping Mickey would take it as a compliment.

Mickey looked up at the ceiling. “Yeah… How else would he do it? I can’t always be there to breathe down his neck… Rather breathe down your neck!”, he smirked, running a hand up Ian’s chest. “We could arrange that if you like to switch positions!”, Ian chuckled, taking Mickey’s hand and kissing it softly. “Nah, I’m good!”, Mickey replied jokingly. He grabbed the back of Ian’s head and pulled him closer so their noses could touch. 

“I know what you’re gettin’ at, though… I’ve been controlling in the past but that was just because I was worried about you and I didn’t understand your… your disease. It scared the shit outta me…”, Mickey sighed, while he gingerly stroke Ian’s face, “But looking at you right now almost seems like it’s not even there.” He ran gentle circles on Ian’s temple. “Trust me it’s there!”, Ian replied with a chuckle, “I just learned how to deal with it better.”

“You haven’t had an episode in a while, right?”, Mickey asked and Ian shook his head. “Yeah but that doesn’t mean anything… could happen any day. The meds just make the lows not so low and the highs not so high so it’s a lot better than before.”, he replied casually like it was the most normal thing to talk about, “And I see a shrink almost every month and hate to admit it but that helps a lot, too!”

“Really? A fuckin’ shrink?”, Mickey smirked with no real tease in his voice. He was glad Ian was taking such good care of himself. It was much better than the opposite. “Yeah… she’s helped me figure out a lot of shit and how to react in different situations. Like realizing I’m being manic or depressed, reaching out to people and so on.”, Ian explained, stroking Mickey’s side. 

“How?”, Mickey asked curiously. “How?”, Ian repeated confused. “Yeah explain it to me! How do you realize you’re bein’ manic or depressed? Explain that process!”, Mickey demanded and Ian had to laugh in response. “You’re bein’ weird today!”, he replied jokingly, “In a good way though!”, he added before he pissed off his new old boyfriend.

“Well, for one I try to note down certain aspects of my day like sleeping habits, what I ate, dosages of my medication, if I worked out, which shift I worked etc.”, Ian began to explain while Mickey listened carefully. “I try to check and compare my notes regularly so I can see any differences in advance and react.”

Mickey nodded thoughtfully. “That’s it? Notes?”, he asked disbelievingly, “What if you forget checking? Or you miss out and that shit just surprises you?” Ian smiled, looking down at the gorgeous man in front of him. “Yeah, that only ever happened once in the past few years…”, he chuckled, cradling Mickey’s abs while the latter shivered under his touch. “Why?”, Mickey asked interestedly. 

“Because I saw someone I thought I’d lost forever!”, Ian replied, lowering himself to kiss his boyfriend. Mickey frowned at him when he pulled back. “I was the reason for you last slip?”, he asked incredulously. “It wasn’t you in particular… It was just the situation. I thought I had hallucinated you or some shit. I just couldn’t believe it. I had to take a picture of you to remind myself that my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me… And then that rush of emotions and our fight after your fight… I could’ve predicted that I’d had a low after that night but I just didn’t wanna deal with it, you know?”

Mickey leaned back letting the words sink in. He knew that Ian had had a low after they had fought. What he hadn’t known so far was that it was Ian’s only bad slip in the past couple of years and that somehow made him feel bad. “Look, it’s alright. I had the situation handled… And I mean it’s all good now!”, Ian said encouragingly, cupping Mickey’s face to make him look up at him. 

Mickey took a deep breath to calm himself down. “Can I see the fuckin’ picture, please?”, he asked smiling, hoping it would cover up his uncertainty. Ian returned the smile, sitting up to rummage through the drawer of his nightstand until he found the desired Polaroid. He gave it to Mickey who looked at it, grinning like an idiot.

“Man that was fun!”, he mumbled, looking at it thoroughly. “Is there a next fight planned?”, Ian asked curiously, laying his head on Mickey’s shoulder. Mickey hummed. “Couple of weeks… Gotta train for that shit. Next one will be harder than the last!”

“Harder than this?”, Ian asked, grabbing Mickey’s junk. Mickey gasped, laughing. “Cheeky motherfucker! C’mere!”

\- - - - - - 

“Ian! You gonna come down for breakfast?”, a very familiar female voice sounded through the door and startled Mickey from his sleep. He lifted his head tiredly and slowly opened his eyes. Ian already sat by the foot of the bed, getting dressed. When he realized that Mickey was awake he gave him a wide smile and threw some clean boxers his way. 

“Want some breakfast, gotta get dressed!”, he said playfully. Mickey let his head sink down in the pillow again and rubbed his eyes. He didn’t know what time it was but he felt like it was not the time to wake up on a Sunday yet. At least not if you got fucked by your sexy lover all night.

“What now? Don’t want breakfast?”, Ian asked with a smirk, crawling over to rest his head on Mickey’s chest. Mickey sighed before he opened his eyes again. “Will the whole Gallagher clan be joining us?”, he asked in return. Ian laughed and kissed his cheek. “Nah, we’ll be joining them!”, he said enthusiastically and sat up. He pulled Mickey by his hand in a sitting position and kissed his shoulder happily.

“You gotta meet them at some point you’re aware of that, right?”, Ian asked still grinning and Mickey gave him an annoyed look. “Just thought I’d be spared from the Munsters for a little while longer…”, he grunted and put on the boxers reluctantly. “It won’t be that bad. I’m actually kinda surprised how well they all took that we’re datin’ again.”, Ian remarked and slapped his boyfriend’s ass when he stood up to put on his pants.

“So they’re suddenly all happy about us or what?”, Mickey asked, fumbling with his belt. Ian tilted his head thinking. “I dunno if happy’s the right word but they didn’t try to talk me out of it so… I’m countin’ that as a plus!” Mickey hummed and pulled his t-shirt over his head. “Bet they got a lotta questions…”, he mumbled, sitting down next to Ian. The latter immediately flung his arms around his shoulders and placed a kiss on his chin. 

“You’ll be doin’ great! After all they got so much shit of their own they can’t really judge you!”, he smirked and ran a hand through his boyfriend’s dark hair, “Even if they do I don’t give a shit!” Mickey turned his head so he could kiss Ian’s lips tenderly. “We’ll see ‘bout that, Firecrotch! Now come on get yo ass up I’m starvin’!”

They made their way out of Ian’s room and downstairs. Ian was the first to enter the kitchen and got greeted by a chirping Fiona. “Hey sweety, how was pride?”, she asked cheerfully but she froze immediately when she saw Mickey trailing behind her little brother. “It was great thanks! Remember Mickey?”, Ian smirked, as if he needed to introduce him again. 

Fiona startled as if she had just woken up and walked in two quick strides over to Mickey, who was still lingering at the bottom of the stairs. What happened next neither of them had expected. Fiona hugged Mickey in a warm embrace. “Hey Mick, how are you? Long time!”, she greeted him heartily and looked him up and down when she pulled back. “I’m good… How are you?”, Mickey replied a little confused. “Fine, thanks! Just came home from my night shift at Patsy’s. Thought we all have breakfast together before I hit the sack!”, she responded returning to the stove where a pan full of eggs was frying.

“Come on guys, sit down! Lip will be here any minute!”, Fiona chirped and brought the coffee pot over. “LIAM!”, she yelled upstairs and went back to the stove. Mickey gave Ian a confused look but the latter just shrugged. They had just sat down at the table when the door opened and Lip came in with a bag full of doughnuts. “Hey guys!”, he greeted them. He placed the bag of doughnuts on the table and poured himself some coffee in an empty mug before he sat down opposite to Mickey. 

“Hey man, nice to see you again!”, he said and reached out a hand towards Mickey. Mickey took it hesitantly mumbling a “Yeah you too.”, before Lip turned his attention to his little brother again. “So how was pride? Big party and all?”, he asked with a smug grin on his face. “’t was fine I guess… we didn’t really party much. Got home kinda early.”, Ian replied, trying to hide a smile that was forming on his lips and that would give him away. 

Mickey wasn’t sure what had happened in the past five minutes, but he was almost certain he had entered another dimension by setting foot in the kitchen. Fiona and Lip were genuinely nice to him and he didn’t know where that came from. They couldn’t want anything from him, could they? He had nothing to offer. The two had never been just nice to him. He guessed that there were one or two occasions where they all tried to make it work, for Ian’s sake but other than that they hadn’t been his biggest fans. Maybe that was it. Maybe they pulled themselves together for Ian’s sake.

“Eggs?”, Fiona startled him from his thoughts and he gave a quick nod to her. She shoved some eggs on his plate and on the others before she returned the pan to the kitchen. “I’m gonna look for Liam real quick!”, she said and ran up the stairs.

“So, Mickey, how’s life?”, Lip asked curiously. Blue eyes meeting blue eyes. Here it came, the judgment. “Good, Can’t complain.”, he replied and took a sip of his coffee. “Heard you workin’ at that Martial arts center…”, Lip continued and Mickey simply nodded in return, focusing on his eggs rather than Ian’s brother. 

“I’m sorry but I just gotta ask… How did you get back? From Mexico, I mean…”, Lip suddenly asked, shoving a doughnut in his mouth, while watching Mickey. “Um…”, Mickey began but got interrupted by Fiona who came back stomping down the stairs.

“The little shit is at his girlfriend’s! Did you know he had a girlfriend?”, she asked irritated, tucking away her phone. “No idea…”, Ian answered her and she sat down next to her brother at the table. “Guess it’s just us then.”, she said almost disappointed, grabbing for a cream-filled doughnut. “Sorry I interrupted you guys! What were you talkin’ about?”, she apologized, taking a big bite.

“Mickey was about to tell us how he got back from Mexico.”, Lip answered and looked at Mickey expectantly. “Right! Almost forgot… Did you threaten Sammy to withdraw her statement? Please tell me you threatened her!”, Fiona asked curiously. All eyes were on Mickey now and he didn’t feel comfortable with all the attention. He looked down at his breakfast and thought about if it was all worth it. Then he gazed over at Ian who gave him an encouraging look and he knew that it was. 

“Nah, I dunno shit why Sammy dropped the charges… I didn’t even know about it before I went to the border. Just knocked on their door, got arrested and now I’m here again.”, he explained calmly, hoping that they would leave it at that. “No threats? No blood? No nothing?”, Lip asked surprised. “Come on Lip!”, Ian warned him but Mickey was quick to respond. “Nah man, done with that bullshit!”

Fiona and Lip kept staring at him with wide eyes before they burst out into laughter. “And here I thought Milkoviches never change! Good for you, man!”, Lip told Mickey approvingly when he caught his breath again. “You guys are dicks!”, Ian sighed with no malice in his voice while Mickey just continued eating his breakfast. Who the hell cared what they thought of him? It didn’t bother him the least.

When Mickey finished his plate he gazed over at Ian who was about to grab a second doughnut from the bag. “I should probably call Johnny see how he’s doin’.”, he said quietly. Ian nodded. “Yeah sure, tell him I said hi!”, he said before Mickey got up and walked to the kitchen to put his plate and mug into the sink. “Who’s Johnny?”, Fiona asked curiously. “Roommate.”, Mickey replied shortly. “You live with a roommate?”, Lip asked surprised. “Nah, I live with two!”, Mickey grinned, fishing his phone and a cigarette from his pants. 

Ian gave him a wide smile that made his heart want to melt before he walked outside and sat down on the porch. He lit the cigarette that was dangling from his mouth and dialed John’s number. He knew from Cat’s text that he hadn’t shot up last night but he just wanted to make sure that he really was alright.

The phone rang twice before John took the call.

“Hey, Mick.”, John greeted him with a low voice.   
“Hey, man. How’s it goin’?”, Mickey replied casually.   
“Ah you know… just recoverin’ from yesterday’s bullshit.”  
“Yeah… Cat told me you didn’t do it.”  
“Nah as you said… four years is somethin’ to be proud of.”  
“Yeah you got that right, man.”, Mickey smiled.  
“Also I’ve made a decision with somethin’…”, John said meaningful.  
“Oh yeah? What?”  
“Gonna quit my job… Tryin’ to help kids stay sober. Probably gonna earn less at first but at least I don’t have to put up with dirty dishes anymore. Been a busboy long enough!”  
“You been a fuckin’ busboy?”, Mickey asked, faking surprise.  
“You’re an asshole!”, John scoffed, “I’ve been complainin’ to you about my job a million times and you never knew I was a fuckin’ busboy?!”  
“Relax, dude, I’m messin’ with ya!”, Mickey chuckled, throwing away his cigarette butt.  
“You comin’ home later?”  
“Yeah, gotta work tomorrow, right? Besides I’d rather sleep in my own bed tonight!”  
“Everything alright with you two? Did I mess things up?”, John asked worriedly.  
“What? No! Things are better than ever! It’s just Gallagher got a single bed and he’s not exactly short!”  
John laughed loudly on the other line.  
“Uh, man that’s awesome! You guys exclusive, yet?”  
“As of yesterday…”, Mickey replied and had to smile to himself.   
“Really? Man, I’m happy for you guys! I knew you’d make it! See you in front of the altar real soon!”  
“Yeah, right. Fuckin’ faggy wedding’s what i’m needin’ right now!”, Mickey scoffed.  
“You’ll see… someday you gonna put a ring on that finger! You got your one! What else is there to do?”  
“Mmmh, someday, like twenty years from now!”  
“Sign me up for that shit! Listen, man I gotta go now but I’ll see you later, right?”  
“Yeah, buddy see ya later then!”, Mickey chuckled and hung up.

He took a deep breath and let his thoughts calm down for a moment. John had said something that had stirred him up. Did he really want to get married again? After getting divorced from Svetlana he had never even thought about it. Their marriage had been a shitshow to say the least. Now he had a real relationship with a man he truly loved and been in love with for years. If he ever was to marry again he would marry Ian, he was sure about that. But did that mean that he had to?

His thoughts got interrupted by two long pale arms wrapping around his chest. “You okay?”, Ian asked, placing a kiss on Mickey’s cheek. Mickey turned his head around and pressed his lips on his boyfriend’s. “I love you!”, he mumbled against his lips. “I love you, too!”, Ian replied smiling widely. One day Mickey would marry Ian, he was sure about that.


	21. Another life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Svetlana and Yevgeny come by to visit.

Mickey was nervous. No, nervous was probably an understatement. He was raging around the apartment. Checking if everything was as it’s supposed to be. Clean, safe and drug-free. Svetlana and Yevgeny would be here in a little under an hour. His bitch of a ex-wife would judge the shit out of him. She would criticize every single detail of his life and she would let him feel it, too. That he was not worth the dirt under her shoes. 

Yet, they had a child together, so for some reason Mickey still wasn’t aware of, she had made the decision to leave their son alone with his dad on some days. That was if he passed her fucking test. Therefor, the apartment needed to be as clean as it could be, which had meant that they scrubbed down the place from top to bottom. It also needed to be safe for a seven year old to jump around and not find anything that was inappropriate or that he could hurt himself with. Everything that could be regarded as a weapon, alcohol, weed and all r-rated movies were locked away in a safe place where neither Yevgeny nor Svetlana would ever find them. In Cat’s closet, stashed in a plastic box underneath a bunch of shoes. 

It was safe or at least that’s what Mickey hoped for. He stared at the open closet, before he nodded and closed it carefully. Should be alright, he thought, going back to scan the living room for something they had missed. Cat and John stood in the kitchen, eyeing him warily. The worst thing about that day was that Ian had had a night shift. So the only thing that could’ve calmed Mickey down hadn’t been available.

He sighed while he scratched his forehead in thought. Had they missed something? “It won’t get much kid-friendlier than this!”, Cat called from the kitchen, pulling him from his thoughts. “Yeah? What makes you so sure? You got a kid?”, Mickey asked, glaring at her. Cat flipped him off. “No, but there’s literally nothing left in our living room but the goddamn TV and the fuckin’ couch!”, she retorted irritated. Before Mickey could snap at her John pitched in, easing the tension. “Come on man, sit your ass down and have a cup of tea with us! It’s gonna be fine! Don’t you worry!”

“Tea? What am I? 80?”, Mickey scoffed but sat down at the kitchen table nonetheless. John put a cup of green tea in front of him and sat on the chair across from Mickey while Cat sat next to him. Mickey eyed the brew suspiciously. He took a sniff before he scrunched up his nose. “That literally smells like ass!”, he commented and pushed the cup away. “You should know it… eating assholes and all.”, Cat scoffed, which earned her the bird from Mickey. 

“You should try it! It’s healthy as fuck! With your smoking and your diet you’ll be dead before you hit thirty!”, John tried to cheer him up but failed. “I’d rather die…”, Mickey replied annoyed, fumbling with the box of cigarettes in his pants and got up again, “Excuse me, I’m gonna make sure I’ll be dead before thirty!” He opened the window to the fire escape and climbed outside, lighting his cigarette as soon as he had sat down.

He hated to be in a situation like this. He shouldn’t have to prove himself anymore. If Svetlana just understood how serious he was about the kid. He wanted to know him. He wanted to take care of him and be part of his life. He wasn’t sure how that wish had formed but it was there. Maybe some kind of healing for himself by doing better than his own father. 

Although that wasn’t so hard, sometimes he felt like he wasn’t doing enough. It was a mystery to him why the kid liked him at all. He didn’t have piles of money. He couldn’t afford anything that was more expensive than that fuckin’ dinosaur plushie. Svetlana had married some rich old dude that could afford all the things a seven years old could only dream of. Why Yevgeny wanted to spend time with him anyway, he didn’t know and it made him insecure as fuck about it. What if his son suddenly decided that he was boring him? What if he wasn’t enough anymore? What if Svetlana didn’t want their son to stay alone with his dad? After all, he was still a felon. No matter how much he walked the line, he would always have the f-word following him.

He breathed in the smoke from his cigarette and the nicotine slowly calmed his nerves. He had done all he could today. If Svetlana still wasn’t happy she could kindly kiss his ass. He was only human. He would do his best, no matter what she thought of him. He would get those visitation rights and he would love his son, unconditionally, the way every kid deserved from his father. 

The cigarette burned down quickly and he watched it fall to the ground as he threw it away. He let his eyes linger for a moment when he suddenly caught sight of a woman in high heels and a little boy walking by at the other end of the alley. Svetlana and Yevgeny! They were here! He quickly jumped up and made his way inside, closing the window behind him.

Before he could warn his two roommates who were still siting at the kitchen table, they all heard the nagging sound of the door bell. He took a deep breath, trying to stay calm and walked towards the front entry. He pushed a button to let them in downstairs and waited anxiously in the door frame.

Mickey watched Yevgeny run up the stairs and straight into his arms. It was still a strange feeling for him but it wasn’t a bad one. He flung his arms around the little guy and held him tight. “Hey buddy!”, he said, ruffling the kid’s hair. “Hey Dad!”, Yevgeny greeted him happily, “Look I lost a tooth!” Yevgeny opened his mouth and showed his dad the gap in his shiny white teeth. “Wow man! Looks good!”, Mickey tried to sound as ecstatic as his son. “Mom said you know a lot of fairies! Do you know the tooth fairy?”, Yevgeny asked innocently. 

Mickey frowned at the choice of words but quickly got his face straight again since his son clearly didn’t mean to make a joke but asked him an honest question. And who was he to deny his son to believe in the tooth fairy? “Yeah… yeah I do.”, he replied quickly, before he heard high heels coming up the stairs.

Svetlana came walking slowly towards them with a smug smile on her face and greeted him coldly, as she always did. “Well then, show us shithole you live in!”, she demanded in her usual fashion. Yevgeny took that as an opportunity to run into the apartment. Mickey scowled at her before she could enter. “I know a lot of fairies? Really?”, he hissed at her, so their son couldn’t hear it. “It’s truth isn’t it?”, she smiled at him arrogantly and followed her son inside before he could reply anything. 

“Are you my Dad’s roommates?”, he heard Yevgeny ask as he entered the kitchen. Cat stood in front of his son and smiled down at him. “Well, if your name’s Yevgeny then we are your dad’s roommates!”, she replied nicely, “My name’s Cat and this is my brother Johnny!” Both of Mickey’s roommates stretched out a hand and Yevgeny gladly took it. “My name is Yevgeny and this is my mom!”, Yevgeny introduced them politely in return. 

Svetlana took a step forward and shook hands with both of them as well. “Svetlana!”, she said coldly and took the opportunity to take a look around. “So this is where you live!”, she said more to herself than to Mickey. “Can I see your room, dad?”, Yevgeny asked happily, unaware or ignorant to the tension between his parents. “Yeah, sure, buddy!”, Mickey replied and led his son to his room. 

His room looked empty when it was tidy. Inside was only his bed, a dresser and a nightstand. Besides that there was nothing. No decorations, no other furniture, nothing on the walls except for one single Polaroid picture that Ian had pinned there with a needle the week before. Of course it was the first thing Yevgeny ran to when he entered.

“Who’s that?”, he asked curiously, looking at the Polaroid. “Uh… that’s me and my… friend Ian.”, Mickey answered. “Your friend?”, Svetlana’s voice sounded from behind him, “Really just friend?” Mickey glared at her but as always that had no effect on the bad Russian bitch. “Do we have to do this now?”, he whispered to her and she raised her eyebrows daringly. “You want to be in your son’s life, you tell him about you! Not lie like your old piece of shit father!”, she said, not caring if Yevgeny could hear or not. 

Yevgeny turned around and looked at them questioningly. “Is he not your friend?”, he asked in his innocent children’s voice. Mickey sighed and ran hand over his face before he took two steps forward to sit on the bed. “Yes… he is my friend but he’s a special friend!”, he tried to explain. Yevgeny frowned at him thinking. “Like your best friend?”, he asked and sat down next to his father. Mickey took a glance at Svetlana and saw the sardonic smile on her face. She clearly enjoyed this.

“Yevi, I’m gay. Ian’s my boyfriend. We’re together!”, Mickey thought that that explained everything but then again Yevgeny was seven. “What does gay mean?”, he asked, even more confused than before. Luckily, Svetlana of all people came to safe Mickey. “That means he loves men, Yevi. Like I love George, he loves Ian.”, she explained to him and Mickey gave her a thankful look. 

Yevgeny’s eyes grew big at the revelation. “So you kiss Ian then?”, he asked nonchalantly. “Well… yeah!”, Mickey replied unsure, ready for whatever question was to come. Yevgeny nodded slowly. “Okay.”, he said, tilting his head in thought, “Where is he then?” Mickey looked at Svetlana and she huffed a laugh when she saw his desperation. “At work… ?”, Mickey asked more then he answered, hoping that it would be enough of an answer. “Can I meet him then?”, Yevgeny continued to torture his father. Svetlana clicked with her tongue. “Not today and not anytime soon!”, she answered for Mickey this time. Mickey scowled at her but she completely ignored it. It wasn’t like he had planned for Ian to meet Yevgeny soon but Svetlana almost made it sound like it would never happen. Yevgeny nodded and began to wander around the room again, looking at everything. Mickey took a deep breath of relieve that the quiz was over and got up again. The first barrier was broken down but of course there were more to come.

Svetlana continued her inspection of the apartment in the living room, while Cat and John stood aside, barely daring to move. “I was expecting more guns… or drugs or whatever used to lie around in Milkovich house!”, she commented, “Thought you were going back to family business, no?” Mickey ran a hand through his hair. “I told you I’m legit now.”, he replied annoyed, while Yevgeny looked between his parents. “Fine… apartment looks nice. Just need to know about these two.”,she gestured at Cat and John who seemed to want to disappear into the wall.

“You, ladyboy, what you do for living?”, Svetlana asked Cat insistently. Cat scowled at her. “I’m a girl!”, she replied irritated. “I do not care what you are. I want to know what you do!”, Svetlana clarified disinterested. “I’m a hairdresser.”, Cat answered her question hesitantly and Mickey sent a quiet thanks her way for not making a big fuss about the way his ex-wife had spoken to her. 

Svetlana nodded and turned to John. “And you? You rainbow boy, too?” John immediately shook his head. “N..No I’m straight and I’m a streetworker downtown at the sober youth house.”, he stuttered nervously. Svetlana smiled. “You are addict?”, she asked, walking towards him. John swallowed and nodded. “Sober, I assume?” John nodded again, showing her his 4 year chip. “Good. Stay sober and we don’t have problem!”

She turned around to Mickey, looking at him coldly. “I pick Yevgeny up at six. You make sure he eats. We do this every two weeks, same time, yes?”, she said, trying to stare him down. Mickey nodded unintimidated. “Okay… thanks.”, he responded happily before Svetlana leaned down to give her son a kiss and muttered something in Russian. She said her goodbyes to the rest and left.

\- - - - - - 

Six o’clock came far too soon. Neither Mickey nor Yevgeny wanted their time to end but Svetlana was right on time to pick her son up. Mickey hugged his son tightly before he closed the door and leaned his head against the cold wood. He had done it. Four hours with his son every two weeks. He already couldn’t wait for the next two weeks to be over. His heart jumped in anticipation.

The past few hours had been fun. Yevgeny was smart, he had known that already but couldn’t help but be surprised how smart. The kid had outdone him at every possible game. He head even played him when they had decided on what to eat. The fucker was smart and it made Mickey a little proud. 

“Well, that went well, didn’t it?”, Cat startled him. He turned around and saw that his two roomies had lingered in the hallway, probably watching him the entire time. “Yeah… yeah it did!”, he replied hesitantly, still calming down from the rush of emotions he had gone through today. “Cute kid!”, Cat complimented, “Smart as hell!” Mickey nodded, scratching the back of his head, uncomfortably. “Just one little question!”, She continued, closing one eye to avoid Mickey’s following death glare at least partially. “Oh come on! Give him a fuckin’ a break!”, her brother sighed next to her and turned around to go back to the kitchen. “Just this one question, man, what’s gotten your panties twisted?”, Cat complained in a huff. Before John could respond Mickey cut in.

“Alright, fuck! Stop the bickering what the fuck do you wanna know?”, he asked while passing her to get the six-pack of beer from her closet. He reemerged from Cat’s room and handed her a beer, opening one for himself as he sat down at the kitchen table where John was already rolling a joint. “I just… Svetlana said something earlier about your family business?”, she said sitting down next to her brother.

“What about it?”, Mickey asked annoyed, taking a sip of his beer. “Drugs and guns?”, Cat continued, watching John as he lit the joint and took a drag. “Used to deal anything that was worth money.”, Mickey shrugged, taking the offered joint from John and inhaled deeply. He needed to check his phone if Ian had texted him already. He knew he got horny as fuck when he smoked.

“Was mother Russia part of it?”, Cat asked again. Mickey tilted his head a little, watching her carefully as he breathed out smoke through his nostrils. “Not really… she had another profession.”, he answered calmly, feeling the weed relax his muscles immediately. “What’d she do?”, he heard her ask, while he looked at his phone to see that Ian had indeed texted him a few minutes ago.

[Ian] 5:48pm  
How’d it go with Svet and Yev? Want me to swing by b4 I head to work? :)

“Handwhore.”, he giggled as he quickly typed a response. Great he was already super high. He didn’t know what it was about Cat’s weed but sometimes he thought it was some sort of truth serum. It always got the right answers out of him. If he had ever something serious to hide he would need to stay away from that shit, he reminded himself.

[Mickey] 6:11pm  
Went great! Swing by! Already celebratin!

He hit the sent button then looked up again, grabbing his beer. It was only then that he realized that the siblings were staring at him again and the way they did it was so similar it cracked him up. “You gotta be shittin’ me!”, Cat said disbelievingly, “She was a whore? You were married to a whore?” Maybe it was the relief that everything had gone well or simply the weed or maybe a bit of both but Mickey just had to laugh even harder. John quickly joined in, feeling quite silly himself. Only Cat sat there, eyeing both of the warily. “Maybe I need to be high for this!”, she wondered and snatched the joint from Mickey’s hand before quickly taking a drag.

“You were married to a whore?!”, John snorted with laughter. Mickey could only nod. He had to laugh so hard he was gasping for air. The thought of his and Svetlana’s past life seemed hilarious and so far away, he felt like it had happened in another life. This life was much better though. In this life he had Ian. He had Yevgeny. Everything was good. He had found happiness here. He just needed it to last and laugh off the past that had haunted him for years.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John has some news and Mickey has a big fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Hope you guys enjoy it :)

6 months later… 

Things were good. Amazing even. Mickey couldn’t remember if he had ever been that happy in his life. His job was good. His roommates didn’t suck. He saw his son every two weeks for a couple of hours. And best of all: Ian. Everything was good. Better than he could have ever imagined.

Moreover, he was working out more. There was a big fight upcoming and he wanted to be in shape. Beat the motherfucker to the ground. And he still had a golden streak. No losses so far and he intended to keep it that way. However, his next opponent was a tough fucker and he knew he would have to prepare himself for the fight. More than he ever had before. So he got up jogging every day for an hour. He even cut down drinking and junk food. His only vice were cigarettes. 

Those goddamn cigarettes. He would probably smoke until the day he died. Of course he knew it was bad and he would be even more in shape if he stopped but somehow he didn’t care. Why bother about cigarettes? Everything was good, wasn’t it?

Mickey came home from one of his morning runs to find his roomie John in the kitchen, eating breakfast and drinking that disgusting green tea, he loved so much. John had been much better since that day at the pride. The new job and new surroundings had done him some good. He had needed that change badly and Mickey was happy for him in every way.

“Yo, ‘sup?”, John greeted him, while Mickey walked over to the fridge to grab some water. “Hey, mornin’ run. You?” 

John shrugged, continuing to drink his disgusting tea. “Not much… headin’ over to the youth house for a bit. Ian still here?”

Mickey nodded. “Yeah, had a late shift last night. Didn’t wanna wake him.”, he replied and sat opposite to his roommate.

“Things been good with you, huh?”, John asked and Mickey couldn’t help but smile and nod. 

“Yeah, man. Can’t complain!” He opened his bottle of water and drank it down in one go.

“Good for you, man. Good for you!”, John answered, his eyes lingering on Mickey as if he wanted to add something.

“What?”, Mickey asked confused. John rubbed his neck seemingly uncomfortable. “Uh… I gotta tell ya something.”, he began and Mickey raised his eyebrows even more confused.

“What’s up? Everything alright?”, he asked worriedly, not knowing where this was going.

“Uh yeah… listen… I know this is probably bad timing but uh… I’m moving out!”

“You do?”, Mickey asked baffled. The last thing he had expected was for John to move out of their apartment, “When?”

“Couple of weeks… Got an offer from the sober youth house. I’d get my own studio in there and safe some money, you know. Plus, I’d be around those kids 24/7, so… it’s a great offer!”

Mickey didn’t know what to say. He was happy for John that he was doing good but at the same time he didn’t want him to leave. Johnny was family to him. Family needed to stay together, right?

“What do you think?”, John asked, when he hadn’t said anything for a while. Mickey took a deep breath and reminded himself that he couldn’t control other people’s lives. That he shouldn’t even try. Only if they supported each other, they would strive. 

“Hate to see you go, man!”, he said lowly, “But I’m happy for you! You deserve it!” And he meant it. He truly meant what he said. John nodded. “Thanks man!”, he smiled at Mickey and was visibly relieved.

“Told Cat yet?”, Mickey asked and John began to shift uncomfortably in his chair. “Not yet… thought I test your reaction first but… I’m gonna tell her soon.”

Mickey nodded. He didn’t know what that all meant so far but he was going to wait until Cat knew before he told anybody else. Would he have to move out? Or would they get another roommate? He didn’t know. And he didn’t want to think about it now. 

“Alright, gotta head to work! Good luck with your fight tonight! Hope you’ll beat some ass! No pun intended!”, Johnny chuckled and Mickey flipped him off. “Yeah, you go and suck some underage dick, asshole!”, Mickey replied and John left the apartment laughing.

\- - - - - - 

“Ready, baby?”, Ian asked, while kneading Mickey’s shoulders. “I was fucking born ready!”, Mickey replied, while Tory taped his hands. “Bets are 50/50… I really hope you’ll stomp this guy in the ground! I bet a shit ton of money on you!”, Tory said, focused. 

Mickey had always known about the betting. Even though it was illegal and he didn’t touch it (betting on yourself just seemed wrong to him), it brought the martial arts center some good money. And they needed it. They were only three coaches so far. Not enough to offer many courses and they weren’t as diverse as Tory wanted them to be either. The extra money from the bets helped them pay their bills and kept them in the game. They just had to be careful. And for Christ’s sake, he just had to win.

“You’re almost due… I’ll check the ring!”, Tory informed them and left the little changing room. Ian stepped in front of Mickey and helped him put on his gloves. “Nervous?”, he asked, eyeing his face curiously. Mickey shook his head. “Nah, just another day at the office!”, he joked. He wasn’t nervous. Nervous was probably the wrong word. He was eager maybe but not nervous. He just wanted this fight to start already. The worst part about it all was waiting for it to begin.

Ian smiled at him when he was finished and leaned forward to steal a quick kiss. “For good luck!”, he smirked goofily. “I don’t need luck…”, Mickey replied, “But I’ll take some more of those when I get back!”, he chuckled and rose from the bench to stretch his arms. “I’ll take you by your word, Mr. Milkovich!”, Ian joked and got up himself. 

“It’s time!”, Tory said when she reentered the room, “Not askin’ you if you’re ready again!” Mickey flipped her off but followed her out of the room. This fight was going to be interesting.

\- - - - - -

As expected his opponent was a challenge. A big challenge. Nevertheless, Mickey had been confident the whole fight. He was almost sure he could win this. Almost. 

The funny thing about getting knocked out is that one usually doesn’t see it coming. One quick punch or kick at the right angle and the lights go out. 

What Mickey didn’t expect, was that he felt like everything was in slow motion when the punch hit his left lower chest. At first, there was the pain from the punch of course and even though he immediately took his opponents arm and slammed his elbow in his face, he knew something was wrong. There was pressure in his abdomen and then there was pain. So fucking much pain. It felt like someone had stabbed a knife in his side and twisted it in the wound.

He suddenly began to feel very light-headed and that’s when he knew he would go down. His knees gave in and he sank to the ground. From the corner of his eyes he saw the referee stepping between him and his opponent to end the fight. And then black.

When he opened his eyes again, he was on his back and Ian was hovering over his face. Worried. He was so fucking worried about him. And he talked to him. But he couldn’t hear a word. It was too exhausting. It was too much. He couldn’t stay there. Something was pulling him down. Something heavy. He had to go. So, he closed his eyes and he was gone again.

\- - - - - - 

“This is bullshit!”, Ian yelled at the nurse, “I’m his partner!” 

The nurse took a deep breath to gather all her patience and laid a hand on Ian’s arm. “I’m very sorry Mr. Gallagher I can’t discuss Mr. Milkovich’s medical condition until he or an emergency contact gives consent!”

Ian huffed angrily and sat down in the waiting area of the hospital. Tory, who had resigned way before he had, sat next to him. Ian was pissed. He wasn’t listed as Mickey’s emergency contact. John was. It probably shouldn’t bother Ian but it did. It pissed him off. He should be listed there. In a case of emergency he should be the one to be contacted. He should be the one, the doctors would reveal Mickey’s medical condition to. 

He sighed lowly. It wasn’t even Mickey’s fault. He had probably just forgotten to change it. It wasn’t John’s fault and it wasn’t the nurse’s fault. Goddamn, he just worried too much.

“When will John be here?”, he asked Tory and rubbed his hands together anxiously. Tory shrugged. “I have no idea, Ian… I’m sure Mickey will be fine though!”, she answered comfortingly and stroke his arm. 

“What if he’s not? And we’re just sittin’ out here?”, Ian asked upset. Tory leaned over to him and tightened her grip on his arm. “Ian, Mickey is a tough motherfucker! I’m surprised he went down in the first place! It’s probably nothing severe and we can take him home soon! Stop freaking out!”

Ian frowned but didn’t say anything in response. He knew he was acting out. He also knew that what Tory said was the truth. Mickey was tough. He would get through it. He had survived so much in his life, he wouldn’t die here, would he?

John entered the hospital and Ian was quick on his feet. He walked to the front desk and was just in time to hear that nurse was calling a doctor down to explain Mickey’s condition.

“Hey!”, he patted John on the shoulder. The latter turned around and greeted Ian as well.

“What the fuck happened?”, he asked worriedly

“Not sure… Mickey went down during his fight. They brought him here but they won’t talk to me!”, Ian explained, annoyance laced in his voice.

“Okay… well, they send someone down-“

“Mr. Mayorga?”, a young woman in a white coat interrupted him. John quickly turned around to her. “Yes that’s me.”, he answered. The doctor looked skeptically at Ian. “It’s fine! He’s Mickey’s partner!”, John clarified and the doctor nodded.

“Alright, so Mr. Milkovich was brought to us unconscious after he went down at a professional fight. After a few tests, it became clear that there was blood in his left upper abdomen caused probably by an organ that got hit during the fight.”

“He got punched in the left lower chest before he went down.”, Ian quickly added and the doctor nodded in response.

“Yes, that likely caused it. Right now, Mr. Milkovich is in surgery. The operating surgeon informed me that his spleen had ruptured and that that was causing the blood flow. They’re fixing it as we speak.”

Ian took a relieved breath. A ruptured spleen wasn’t so bad. It was definitely fixable. Not deadly. Definitely fixable.

“So, will he be okay?”, he asked anxiously.

The doctor raised her eyebrows. “I can’t say anything for sure at the moment but I will let you know as soon as he’s out of surgery.”

Ian nodded thoughtfully. That information was better than nothing. At least now they knew what they were dealing with. 

The doctor excused herself and left the two men alone in the waiting area. Now they just had to wait.

\- - - - - - 

What was all this noise about?, Mickey wondered. He tried to listen closely but he couldn’t understand it. Something about… what? Ruptured… Something… Severe… He couldn’t make sense of the words he heard. It was too hard. He tried to relax a bit and the words suddenly became clearer. He definitely knew three of the voices that were talking. One was his roommate… John! And the other… The other made his heart jump a bit. It was Ian! Ian was here.

He tried to open his eyes but his lids felt like rocks were attached to them. It was no use. And it was too exhausting, so he drifted off again.

A little while later he heard quiet murmuring next to him. What had happened anyway? Didn’t he have a fight? That guy was pretty tough and… he knocked him out. He went down. Damn it! His first KO. His lucky streak was broken. Why, though? He was hit in the chest and then… blank. Nothing.

He tried to open his eyes again and this time he made it. At least partially. The first thing he noticed was the dim light in the room and the white ceiling. Where the hell was he? A hospital? He definitely wasn’t at home. He tried to turn his head but everything felt so heavy. It took him several tries to turn his head in the direction of the voices. He immediately recognized that familiar shock of red hair. Ian was talking quietly to John next to him. God, was he happy to see him. 

At the same time he felt ashamed of his condition. Because it was a condition. Something awful had happened to him and he didn’t know what it was. All he knew was that he was weak. He was barely able to look around. And Ian saw him like that. He saw him weak. He didn’t like that. Not one bit. He wasn’t usually weak. 

While Mickey was still contemplating, Ian noticed that his boyfriend was awake and looking at him. 

“Mick?”, he asked happily and jumped up from his seat to get closer, “How are you feelin`?”

Mickey looked into the green eyes of his lover and all the negative thoughts were gone. What did it matter if Ian saw him weak? Who the hell cared? He was here! That was important.

He took a deep breath trying to use his voice but only managed a low hum. He tried again and mumbled a “Fine, firecrotch!” Ian smiled and the room immediately felt brighter. It was all going to be fine. That much he knew.


End file.
